08-7-2013, 10:21 AM | #1 | |
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FFR Rad Poets Society
You have permission to injure me for making that joke.
Anyway, per the request of axith (and considering all of the poets coming out of the woodwork), I figured I might as well make an official poetry thread. Post your stuff here or offer feedback to other people! If people have personal sites, I'll compile them here: PERSONAL moches: poem-per-day Here's today's poem to start things off. Quote:
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08-7-2013, 10:22 AM | #2 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
also requesting this be stickied later
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08-7-2013, 11:56 AM | #3 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
wv likes this
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08-7-2013, 12:12 PM | #4 |
where'sTHEdrain?!
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
Here's a poem I wrote a couple of years ago...I like rhymes...>< It was titled "Romantic Symphony" --meh, kind of unoriginal, but whatEva.
I taught you all the things I knew Devoted my time to thee So you could join in playing the grandly new Romantic symphony An autumn evening we walk alone Each tree ridden of all its leaves I swear,one tree, it must’ve know For it bore a small gift you would give to me A solitary stem, a single leaf Its shape was of a heart Lonely, you rid it of its grief In my hands was its fresh start Cherishing the gift as I cherished you An illusion I could not see Happily we proceeded as one not two To the romantic symphony For hours we sauntered throughout the streets In the silent dead of night When suddenly the ground felt not my feet Palms torn, I lost your sight But you were safe, at home, not cold In bed, not dreaming of me And my work forever remained untold As I practiced the notes for thee Next day we did meet at the hall Your apology was at hand “Don’t worry, my love, I did but fall, Come sit, I have our stand” The piece began as we all thought Perfect passionate serenity But soon it was not as I taught You deviated from harmony Disloyal you were to every note I thought we understood For you the time I did devote Thrown away like no one could We all awaited the peaceful end Eternal it could not be Last notes that you could not pretend And unexpectedly Your final pitch was played too sharp You slashed the loving tune The sound rang fury, destroyed the harp Sent quivers to the moon The audience ran out in great disgust The members, nowhere seen The hall was desolate, cheated of trust You said, “I did not mean…” I’d given my all, but you ignored my will And the love I showed for thee You now are shamed, for you did kill Our romantic symphony
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08-7-2013, 12:20 PM | #5 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
I am feeling sad
You must be feeling sad too So you read haiku. |
08-8-2013, 02:25 PM | #6 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
Thanks for getting this thread going moches.
Bout moche's poem: It does get increadibly difficult to balance everything you're doing while maintaining the relationships you have. I wish you all the best on finding a balance. One thing I see odd in the poem is this: "unavailable that’s all you are aren’t". Either my brain's not working or you forgot to hit the backspace key . Edit: Looked at it again, got it. A comma would help me understand that. Personally I'm awful at maintaining friendships, especially if they're a person I only see a few times a year (a majority of my high school and college friends). Your groups of friends will change as time goes by. Eva: This will come out eventually in my posts: I have a general aversion to poems about love situations. I think I've just read so many 'they broke my heart' poems that I've become desensitized to them. It's nothing personal against anyone, I don't even like the 'love' poems I've written. I did like a number of the images in your poem. The poem didn't feel long to read, which is always a good thing. Rhyme is always fun, and you managed to avoid the bouncy thing that commonly goes with it. Nice write! Tps: Check out the making's of a traditional hiaku. It's worth a look. Here's my favorite haiku (I know the syllables are 'off' in english). Here's a poem of mine in the same vain as the one I posed in the last poetry thread. I hate adding titles to my poems so I got in the habit of calling them "untitled #whatever". It probably works with paintings fine, but it's atrocious for poems in general, because the title gives no context to the poem. I'll try to actually have a new write my next post. Still not amazing, but I like a couple images here. Code:
Untitled #6 Above my lit candle, the smoke stream twirls itself into arcs that disappear somewhere beyond the flickering light. Does inspiration also waltz away to someplace we can't see? How can I capture the mini muse sneezes and hold them in my hands? The candle is only so bright and my grasp so firm. So the smoke drifts away from me beyond the flickering light. Last edited by axith; 08-8-2013 at 02:35 PM.. |
08-8-2013, 04:48 PM | #7 |
seek ye first the kingdom
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
Cool thread, I've got some work that I might post here
Edit: The Galloping Hessian of the Hollow -“The night grew darker and darker; the stars seemed to sink deeper in the sky, and driving clouds occasionally hid them from his sight.” -Washington Irving ‘Twas a night like no other, The wives do say; The night that Ichabod was spirited away— The light in the sky, A blown candle, which smoked With grey clouds coming and going it spoke, To the disfigured specter that rode on a steed As black as the soul, and as fast indeed As the midnight blasts that howl and scream, Like the sounds of a hellish festival of fiends. Ichabod was leaving a quilting frolic they say, And truly he must have not gotten his way; For he walked toward his horse with that hasty step That is so familiar to a man upset. Katrina, that coquette, as sweet as a peach, Must have spoken some words, Some words that seeped Into the mind of poor Ichabod Crane; Oh, to win the heart of a dame, Is a wild, peculiar, game! Whatever the case, Ichabod did not say goodbye To the plump and rich mansion where things went awry; Rather, he prodded and pleaded old gunpowder to go Back to Van Ripper’s, if only he’d known, The trouble that would face him; The trouble that roamed! The night was as silent as a vacant plain, Only the sound of a cricket or frog came To the ears of Ichabod Crane— The stories of goblins and ghouls that day had begun to sink into Ichabod’s brain. Every sound in the dismal and haunted wood, Enchanted Ichabod, who frantically stood, Stirring at every moan and groan, That a bough or two did surely own. As he faced the tree where General Andre was seen, He burst into tune as to repel the fiend! And as he got to the stream that was dark with history, Where Andre was taken, and had seen no victory, He gave old Gunpowder a blast in the ribs, who answered with a lateral move instead. As Ichabod tried to regain control, He heard a plashy tramp in the grove; And on the margin of the brook, Poor Ichabod shook, In fear at what he took— There stood something towering, Something queer; Something in the shadows, Something near. This gloomy specter was a master in mimicry; For Ichabod tried to beat him with trickery, But the ghost would not be lost! Ichabod went on his way, Whistling a psalm, as if to pray, This monster would be out of sight, That this was just some dream or fright! But alas! The specter was no fright, It proved to be of physical might, And it traveled alongside Ichabod! Sweat had now begun to pour, Down and out of every pore. Ichabod thought he’d beat his foe, Give him the slip, but this would show A foolish outcome, of that I know. Ichabod shot like a cannon that roared, Through the forest as a Seraph that soared, Passed the demon rider that sped, With equal vigor, as one they tread! Rising over a stately hill, Ichabod had truly gotten his fill. There upon, there upon that hill, He perceived his pursuer was headless! Frantically he sought to fly! Kicked old Gunpowder who again denies, The direction that his master lends; And down, down, down, a hill that sends, Them screaming toward the churchyard bridge, That Brom had faced with courage— According to the story see, The goblin would shoot in ecstasy, Away, away, in a fiery blast; If only, if only, he could get passed! Ichabod, panting like a wolf, it’s true, Came upon the bridge as a bullet that flew; Thundering passed every last beam, Ichabod turned to watch the fiend Waste away in a show of light, That the prophecy told would come upon sight of the churchyards spiritual glow. Instead, what happened could not have been seen, As Ichabod saw the head of the fiend Come flying toward his person! This head came crashing upon Ichabod’s skull, And thus, the move had seemed, but null— The search the days that would follow, Amongst the hills of the quiet hollow, Would prove to heighten the mystery; Because there, on the earth where the chase had ended, There was found the remains of a shattered pumpkin. I made this for a thread that got no real attention xD it might just be not that great, but I'd love to hear some feedback. Last edited by redsea; 08-8-2013 at 04:54 PM.. |
08-19-2013, 02:17 AM | #8 |
The Doctor
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
I'm not good at giving poem feedback, but I enjoyed reading the thread so far.
I don't want it to die so here: Toll September 30, 2012 --------------------- They tell us it's going to be ok Everything will work out in the end They say life is a happy ending That happiness is a smile away Most say it's not that easy I want to tear a fissure in the Earth bring down lightning from the sky heal the great wounds of the Earth and scorch injustice from the ground to hold your fate within your hands the power to control destiny bending time to your will every moment a living moment Between what is and what should be is a chasm unmeasurably wide close the gap a bit by bit but wider it will always seem It will be alright, You will be ok sometimes believing is easier The decision is the toll of life to whom will you pay? |
09-1-2013, 09:03 AM | #9 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
this is my first in a while.
september 1, 2013 - drought's end the first drop is the alarm blaring, the bacon sizzling, the dog licking my face. i thought it was you but you were never one for speeches. no, this is a drizzle, a little mist to refresh the eyes, get them to work again it’s never over i thought i had forgotten how, that my monsoon season was finally over, but no. you tore it out of me again, dug your bladed words into my earth as you wrenched out chunk after chunk of me. it’s been so many times you’ve done this that i can no longer bleed, but if you scratch off the top layer, the dust, i am still soil still 70% water but it hurts so much more than that |
09-1-2013, 10:06 AM | #10 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
I guess I could put one up. Been several years since I last wrote a poem or something related to it.
Despair Despair... Such an oddity it is. Its one that mankind never wishes to fall upon. Its a state that relishes us of our animalistic instincts. It deprives us of what we truly drive for in life. If we're stranded in a place... Of lost hope, Our sanity depletes, Invoking our despair to simply leave such a desolate place. One minute, We're all brothers. The next, We're at each other's throat to leave such a cursed place. Despair follows us everywhere, In love... Harmony... And even in death. Despair is one within our soul, Sealed away until something unlocks it. Until then... Help yourselves and satisfy your lives... ~Katamachi (just wrote this down during the nght so excuse me for any sort of major derp ups x.x so rusty at this...)
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09-1-2013, 11:02 AM | #11 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
i like the ellipses... what's the effect you're going for with those? something a little contemplative? a little measured?
on one note, i think it helps a lot to read out your poetry. it helps you figure out which words will fit better. some people have an ear for it (i'm not so lucky), but even then it can really make your poetry feel the way you want it to! |
09-1-2013, 11:53 AM | #12 | |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
Quote:
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09-8-2013, 02:37 AM | #13 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
lies spread like fleas and disease to do as you please you must get on your knees embrace your fate and you will be free or you will be thrown into the sea |
09-8-2013, 04:43 PM | #14 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
hi cool thread
(She wants out, eventually.) We watch the whitecaps crashing, sitting placidly locked agaze in misplaced frontlawnchairs on the gray pebbled sandy shore, sipping rum and colas: gulls and their brash happy cries adorning the blue sky with flecks of white, salty seabreeze warmly teasing our feet entwined stretched serenely out before us, heeling our mark in the wisping unsettled sand, knowing its impermanence and settling for it. - (Dice) Gamble. A cubic eye cast clattering: I win again. Eyes of my peers with sour disappointment swelling: eager hopes all dashed by sheer fortunes--cruel fortunes dictating the cast of all dice. I reap my yields with equal grins. Ren watches too, sitting across me--but the dim copper eyes convey no cheer. Hair left imperfect over the face, statue-still sitting, bentlegged and curiously removed. She does not play, nor invest. This is my suburban veranda: wrought from vermilion paintchips. Matches her hair. Catches the sun nicely. Dourness unwelcome here--but I have come to read her well; not like my friends’ eyes swelling; hers--downcast, dimly--dispelling her haunts. She does not dwell--but casts: copper fighting gray’s ghost’s resurfacing: a conscious effort: more active, to scorn time’s passive promising to mend all scars. Leaves naught to cruel fortunes. A cubic eye cast clattering: I worry for Ren. I worry with guilt for myself; for that to which my assuring peers are blind. We two they cheer: You are perfect, All is well. But for what their swollen eyes see--what I fear I cannot mend. Impotent as time: scars threatening to come unsealed. All faith placed in cruel fortunes. Vermilion paintchips scraping up with our chairs’ shifting. Back, and forth, and back. I can’t afford to redo it now. - these are part of a really long narrative poem i'm probably never gonna fully finish but it's fun to share!
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09-8-2013, 04:53 PM | #15 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
damn... that poem part of your 3 month exodus in the himalayas..
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09-8-2013, 04:59 PM | #16 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
i've been busy
it never occurs to me to post here when i'm not actively playing SM or anything though i probably should, i always find myself missing this community lol
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09-9-2013, 07:53 AM | #17 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
holy shit Puppet your stuff never fails to amaze me. only thing (and this is honestly more a personal thing than anything) is that you may want to try reading these out loud, especially when they use more complex vocabulary: it's important to make sure that they don't break the flow of the piece or feel out-of-place/at odds with the setting or content of your poetry, especially since it's a story (I think)?
overall it's tight, loving the vivid imagery and the powerful voice\ shit i need to start poetry again but i cannot get off of my ass, somebody motivate me |
09-9-2013, 12:53 PM | #18 |
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
Moches, it always helps me to find inspiration when I think about places I have been; reminiscences make up most of my poems.
It came upon me on a cloudy morn a morn in the month of October the Autumn breeze stilled, and a thought was born where the leaves like amber hang over. It came upon me on an empty kind of night in the month of October the open sky gave way to my mind where the cold water splashes in time. What was that, that came to me that month, that month of October? I ask myself, and still I wonder- Edit: Btw, i like your September 1st one! Last edited by ciganski; 09-9-2013 at 06:22 PM.. |
09-26-2013, 11:29 AM | #19 |
sunshine and rainbows
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
#RealTalk
Emotions, sensations, that's all I want. And that is what I have. I will ride the waves until they dissipate, but I will not care if I drown during it. I am whole again. I am connected to the pain. I am connected to the pleasure. I crave it all. Everything is better than nothing. |
10-3-2013, 02:16 PM | #20 |
The Worst
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Re: FFR Rad Poets Society
lovesong 304:
butts butts butts everything is butts butts butts butts butts butts baby gimme dat butts
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