Carlin Quotes

Privateer · 01-28-2004, 12:14 AM

I'm gonna type one a day from his book, Napalm and Silly Putty.

I'll start with 6, where I randomly flipped to a page (and typed them all out myself):

"In a package of bacon, underneath all the neat horizontal strips, there's always one oddly-folded piece that seems to have been thrown in at the last moment." - George Carlin

"What is all this dinner-and-a-movie shit? Why can't people just go somewhere and fuck for three or four hours? - George Carlin

"In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that" - George Carlin

"A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?" - George Carlin

"Have you ever tried to throw away an old wastebasket? You can't do it. People keep bringing it back: "Here, Howie, I found your wastebasket in the garbage." Apparently, you have to completely destroy a wastebasket in order to convince people you really don't want it anymore." - George Carlin

"Didn't the first guy who wore a sombrero realize it was completely impractical when eating pussy?" - George Carlin

makaveli121212 · 01-28-2004, 05:47 AM

i must say that the man is just damn hilarious

QreepyBORIS · 01-28-2004, 08:05 AM

Yeah, Carlin is pretty great. I have some MP3s of his stuff.

**lightdarkness** · 01-28-2004, 10:24 AM

i like his HBO specials
they are much better!

**alainbryden** · 01-28-2004, 10:48 AM

he's teh funny

Privateer · 01-28-2004, 02:34 PM

"One good reason for maintaining only a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim." - George Carlin

"Have you ever been in the middle of a nice, pleasant dream, when you suddenly wake up and realize someone is trying to kill you? You know what I do? I go back to sleep." - George Carlin

Arch0wl · 01-28-2004, 03:20 PM

Carlin's perspective on things is awesome.

BluE_MeaniE · 01-28-2004, 04:58 PM

He's very funny, but he just hates everything. It is kind of annoying sometimes. But I've read both of the books, and have seen some stand-up routines of him.

Arch0wl · 01-28-2004, 05:23 PM

That description more fits Maddox, Carlin as you can tell isn't serious 90% of the time.

Privateer · 01-28-2004, 05:26 PM

He purposely is incredibly sarcastic, and overemphasizes things just to make them hilarious. He's awesome.

"If the police never find it, is it still a clue?" - George Carlin

Privateer · 01-29-2004, 09:56 PM

"An art theif is a man who takes pictures." - George Carlin

"When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M." - George Carlin

" You know what would be great? To be in a coma. You're still alive, but you have no responsibilities.
'He owes me six thousand dollars.'
'He's in a coma.'
'Oh, okay. Never mind.'" - George Carlin

His long stuff is hilarious. His shorts are still a chuckle though.

01-28-2004, 12:14 AM	#1
Privateer FFR Player Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 2,962	Carlin Quotes I'm gonna type one a day from his book, Napalm and Silly Putty. I'll start with 6, where I randomly flipped to a page (and typed them all out myself): "In a package of bacon, underneath all the neat horizontal strips, there's always one oddly-folded piece that seems to have been thrown in at the last moment." - George Carlin "What is all this dinner-and-a-movie shit? Why can't people just go somewhere and fuck for three or four hours? - George Carlin "In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that" - George Carlin "A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?" - George Carlin "Have you ever tried to throw away an old wastebasket? You can't do it. People keep bringing it back: "Here, Howie, I found your wastebasket in the garbage." Apparently, you have to completely destroy a wastebasket in order to convince people you really don't want it anymore." - George Carlin "Didn't the first guy who wore a sombrero realize it was completely impractical when eating pussy?" - George Carlin __________________

01-28-2004, 08:05 AM	#3
QreepyBORIS FFR Player Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: It is a mystery. Age: 33 Posts: 7,454	Yeah, Carlin is pretty great. I have some MP3s of his stuff. __________________ Signature subject to change. THE ZERRRRRG.

01-28-2004, 10:24 AM	#4
lightdarkness Summer!! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: New York Age: 35 Posts: 11,308	i like his HBO specials they are much better! __________________

01-28-2004, 10:48 AM	#5
alainbryden Seen your member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: noitacoL Posts: 2,873	he's teh funny __________________ ~NEIGH

01-28-2004, 02:34 PM	#6
Privateer FFR Player Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 2,962	"One good reason for maintaining only a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim." - George Carlin "Have you ever been in the middle of a nice, pleasant dream, when you suddenly wake up and realize someone is trying to kill you? You know what I do? I go back to sleep." - George Carlin __________________

01-28-2004, 03:20 PM	#7
Arch0wl Banned Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: fb.com/a.macdonald.iv Age: 35 Posts: 6,344	Carlin's perspective on things is awesome.

01-28-2004, 05:23 PM	#9
Arch0wl Banned Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: fb.com/a.macdonald.iv Age: 35 Posts: 6,344	That description more fits Maddox, Carlin as you can tell isn't serious 90% of the time.

01-28-2004, 05:26 PM	#10
Privateer FFR Player Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 2,962	He purposely is incredibly sarcastic, and overemphasizes things just to make them hilarious. He's awesome. "If the police never find it, is it still a clue?" - George Carlin __________________

01-29-2004, 09:56 PM	#11
Privateer FFR Player Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 2,962	"An art theif is a man who takes pictures." - George Carlin "When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M." - George Carlin " You know what would be great? To be in a coma. You're still alive, but you have no responsibilities. 'He owes me six thousand dollars.' 'He's in a coma.' 'Oh, okay. Never mind.'" - George Carlin His long stuff is hilarious. His shorts are still a chuckle though. __________________

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