What do you think is wrong with you?

[Trogdor!!!!]

Originally Posted by PaperclipGames

The main things I think that causes a shift to a nocturnal pattern is simple procrastionation ("meh, don't wanna go to bed yet") and the act of sitting behind a computer screen for too much, which does produce light and hence can confuse your brain's clock.

Well that explains a lot.

[korny]

Who knows. Perhaps you prefer to stay awake to find further means of entertaining yourself until you've had your fill? That applies to me a lot of the time. You are advised for example to not use electronic devices or watch tv for 2 hours I think? before getting ready for sleep, but for people like you and I who use our computers or tablets quite often, that is not really an option because of our desire to keep ourselves entertained through that outlet. My body like yours I'm assuming, is probably trained to continue doing what I want until I decide that it is time to finally rest, and that doesn't happen til around 4 am or so.

[Pseudo Enigma]

other than the fact that I'm practically alone at night (I like to be alone) there's not much to be desired over the day time. I like my sleep, but I seriously can't get to sleep in the evening. I only seem to get tired during the day, and then at night I get a surge of energy for no reason at all. Even now at 6AM I'm still somewhat energetic, though I know that will change once I get to school and have to interact with people.

The most exciting things happen during the day for me. I guess it tires me out too quickly, but that also means I don't like staying up at night. I had gotten used to that during homeschooling and I got sick of not being able to see the sun anymore.

Perhaps computer screens have something to do with this, but I'm not so convinced. If we couldn't create artificial light, would we still have this problem I wonder? I'm pretty sure that even if I didn't have a computer screen in front of me I'd have the lamp on and I'd be drawing/reading to pass the time.

Anyway, I'm not too bothered by the fact that I'm up all night (even though everyone seems to worry about me?). There are some things that make it worth it.

[korny]

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders...n-better-sleep

I'm going to bed lol

[I like it]

I care too much about dumb things and don't care very much about big things

'oh I'm gonna be late for work? eh who cares it's just a job'

'wow why hasn't she replied yet seriously what the fuck did I say oh god she probably hates me'

[Silvuh]

Finally, a thread for dwelling in my unrelenting self-hatred. I'm usually pretty quiet on here, but ... arf. Unfiltered.

- I don't even try a lot of the time. I can't put my stupid worthless shit down to do work that I know will take effort. This makes me believe I'll never amount to anything.
- I am awful at learning. I don't use the material after classes and just forget everything. Makes learning a foreign language impossible when I'm not in an immersive environment. All the years of Japanese classes hasn't done anything for me. I don't try.
- I have the "Problems go away if you ignore them" mentality, even though I know it's totally wrong. Last semester, I stopped going to one of my classes because I didn't do the midterm paper. And of course it was a class I need for graduation, so, great fucking work there.
- I hate the thought of confrontations. I never want to talk to my professors when I know I've done something wrong. I know they just want to help, but I can't break out of my delusion that I'm going to get, like, yelled at or scolded or something, because I feel like I deserve to be treated like shit.
- I'm super fragile. I can't stand being ignored or treated unkindly. I crave attention and want people to like me, but when they do, I feel like I don't deserve it.
- I hate myself whenever I waste my time doing anything that's not work or anything creative. But I feel hardly creative, like my imagination is crap, and that everything I make is boring.
- I don't actively seek out work, even when I feel like shit for not doing any. And when I do get the work, I rationalize not doing it right away, and then I get behind, and as soon as I get behind, I get a huge mental block telling myself that I'll never be able to catch up, and then I never do it. This goes for school work and stepfile judging, for instance.
- When I was little, I would hang out with kids who had video games I liked just so I could play those, not because I cared about the person at all. I didn't realize how shitty that was until I overheard someone making fun of me for it. And I haven't totally grown out of it. Now I feel like I only talk to people because they're nice to me, like everything I do is only for myself, and I don't know how to truly care for anyone.
- I do things just for the sake of not being hypocritical. "Oh, I need to respond to everyone else's problems, or else I shouldn't expect anyone else to pay attention to me." But, posting this, I'm not trying to help anyone else, so I'll tell myself I deserved it if I'm totally ignored again.
- I hate feeling worthless and want power just so I can feel like I mean something, not necessarily because I want to help people. I want to help people, but I can't see past myself as being a selfish sack of shit. Like, I've wanted to be a mod on here for a while to help influence the site for the better, but I never applied to either of the mod-searches, because I didn't feel like I would deserve it.
- I take everything personally, even things that don't directly mention me. Like on here, it hurts whenever I read someone deriding art-files or ddream or whatever.
- Combining the above two: People have expressed on here that they hate when people see simfiling as a competition. I am a target of your hate. I make stepfiles to feel better about myself and feel worthless when people don't say good things about them.
- Almost everything makes me feel guilty, and I always blame myself, but I hate when someone tells me something is my fault, even when I know they're right.
- I'm socially awkward as hell. I don't even have a social life in real life. I don't like initiating contact with people, I want my friends to do introductions for me. The one thing I don't instantly blame myself for is when people don't try to break me out of my shell, like it's their fucking problem, and I get insanely bitter. And of course, after the fact, I realize it was my fault and go back to hating myself.
- I've had a good privileged life, but I waste it away like trash because I can't get over my stupid self.
- I can be completely imperceptive of other people's feelings. If you don't spell it out for me, I won't understand.
- I'm a jealous bastard and hold petty grudges. Interpersonal stories I won't share.
- I think boobs, nipples, balls, and penises are ugly, so even though I'm not sexually attracted to anything in real life, I'll do anything when I'm horny. I always feel deeply ashamed of myself afterward, to the point of freaking out sometimes.
- I hate looking, sounding, and being male. My body hair grosses me out, and it's pricey to get it all removed. I wish I wouldn't have to get surgery just so I could feel comfortable in my own body.

Spent all this time typing this up and am contemplating not even posting it because I don't gain anything from this. And you'd think if I could spend this long doing nothing but talking about myself, that I'd ... sdfkjopasdf but, whatever, I guess I just want to let it out.

If you read through all that without wanting to punch me, thank you, so can I cry on your shoulder now, please?

[Jimmymi]

Originally Posted by korny

It's unnatural to be human and nocturnal

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circadian_rhythm

So stamina files at 14.30 and speed files at 15.30?

[awein999]

I have a history of inventing road blocks for myself while there are practically less that exist. I used to love putting myself down but then realized that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and that it's better to assume the best of yourself and see if you can spin a weakness into a strength.

Edit: nocebo effect I think it's called.

Something I've seen as a weakness for a long time is caring "too" much about what people think of what I say/do. I used to want to change all the time because of the society I grew up in, how school didn't play to the way I think. I was very different from most other people's mind process in school, I wasn't motivated by grades, rather by other people around me in the moment. A letter didn't give me appreciation for all the time I spent every day in school. I am not as concerned with where I will be in 5 years as to where I will be now. Motivated by different thoughts, different feelings. I then realized that it's a strength if applied correctly. Examples being in the entertainment industry, wanting to help others, being intrinsically motivated, writing, being fun naturally. Just have to keep perspective.

So if this thread is asking what's wrong with me I'd say there is nothing wrong and there is a difference between weakness, strength and outright wrong, and any trait you have can be used to create awesome. Self respect is powerful.

[kjwkjw]

Let's see...

- I'm very dependent and passive. I tend to put off looking into and planning out things for the future (why do I not have a driver's license yet???). Yet sometimes I worry about the far future in unhealthy levels when I have more immediate issues to be concerned with... -.-;

- I avoid social interaction. I *may* not be as socially awkward as everyone else who's brought that up in here, but I dislike large gatherings and gatherings of people I don't know. As a result, I almost never take the initiative to get acquainted with someone or to open up to them; I usually wait for other people to approach me first. PS - occasionally I feel lonely if they don't, when I suppose it's my fault for not breaking out of my shell a little, haha.

- There are times when I'll act really cold towards someone—not because of something they did, but because of my own problems and frustration.

- I'm still a walking stick. Personally it doesn't worry me too much, though. =w=

- I started osu! Taiko with an unconventional, inefficient playstyle and went with it for 25,000+ games without making an effort to change it. So now I've been at a skill plateau for like a year sdjgjsdjdafd

[Trogdor!!!!]

In response to Silvuh's post

- I don't even try a lot of the time. I can't put my stupid worthless shit down to do work that I know will take effort. This makes me believe I'll never amount to anything.

- I have the "Problems go away if you ignore them" mentality, even though I know it's totally wrong. Last semester, I stopped going to one of my classes because I didn't do the midterm paper. And of course it was a class I need for graduation, so, great fucking work there.

- I don't actively seek out work, even when I feel like shit for not doing any. And when I do get the work, I rationalize not doing it right away, and then I get behind, and as soon as I get behind, I get a huge mental block telling myself that I'll never be able to catch up, and then I never do it. This goes for school work and stepfile judging, for instance.

- When I was little, I would hang out with kids who had video games I liked just so I could play those, not because I cared about the person at all. I didn't realize how shitty that was until I overheard someone making fun of me for it. And I haven't totally grown out of it. Now I feel like I only talk to people because they're nice to me, like everything I do is only for myself, and I don't know how to truly care for anyone.

- I've had a good privileged life, but I waste it away like trash because I can't get over my stupid self.

This is the kind of stuff that only you can work on imo, but it's good that you can at least pinpoint where the problems lie.

- I hate the thought of confrontations. I never want to talk to my professors when I know I've done something wrong. I know they just want to help, but I can't break out of my delusion that I'm going to get, like, yelled at or scolded or something, because I feel like I deserve to be treated like shit.

I used to have this problem when I was younger. As I grew older I started to realize that the uneasy feeling you get from those confrontations doesn't last forever and eventually dealing with them was incredibly easy as long as I remembered that.

- I hate myself whenever I waste my time doing anything that's not work or anything creative. But I feel hardly creative, like my imagination is crap, and that everything I make is boring.

You should take pride in anything you make honestly. Regardless of what it is. It's not a waste of time if you enjoyed doing it.

- I do things just for the sake of not being hypocritical. "Oh, I need to respond to everyone else's problems, or else I shouldn't expect anyone else to pay attention to me." But, posting this, I'm not trying to help anyone else, so I'll tell myself I deserved it if I'm totally ignored again.

Not everyone is mean and judgmental you shouldn't have to worry about this. ):<

- I hate feeling worthless and want power just so I can feel like I mean something, not necessarily because I want to help people. I want to help people, but I can't see past myself as being a selfish sack of shit. Like, I've wanted to be a mod on here for a while to help influence the site for the better, but I never applied to either of the mod-searches, because I didn't feel like I would deserve it.

You don't need power to mean something nor help people. And I don't think wanting to help out anyone period makes you a "selfish sack of shit".

Spent all this time typing this up and am contemplating not even posting it because I don't gain anything from this. And you'd think if I could spend this long doing nothing but talking about myself, that I'd ... sdfkjopasdf but, whatever, I guess I just want to let it out.

If you read through all that without wanting to punch me, thank you, so can I cry on your shoulder now, please?

Sorry I couldn't help you out with everything but at least I tried I'm not good with this kind of stuff dsfjk :c

[Trogdor!!!!]

Originally Posted by korny

Who knows. Perhaps you prefer to stay awake to find further means of entertaining yourself until you've had your fill? That applies to me a lot of the time. You are advised for example to not use electronic devices or watch tv for 2 hours I think? before getting ready for sleep, but for people like you and I who use our computers or tablets quite often, that is not really an option because of our desire to keep ourselves entertained through that outlet. My body like yours I'm assuming, is probably trained to continue doing what I want until I decide that it is time to finally rest, and that doesn't happen til around 4 am or so.

This sounds like a pretty accurate description of how my day ends. I kind of just choose when I want to go to bed except for the occasional "watching youtube/movies in bed and accidentally fall asleep" and instead of around 4 A.M. it just happens to be 10:30.

[PaperclipGames]

I can relate to most of Silvuh's post. I have improved a fair bit from what I used to be, and most of these things can be changed from within. You've just got to get really mad at yourself and find some sort of power to push yourself into getting your ass to work.

... which is almost impossible, but not quite.

[Silvuh]

Originally Posted by Trogdor!!!!

This is the kind of stuff that only you can work on imo, but it's good that you can at least pinpoint where the problems lie.

Ehehe, yeah, if only fixing the problem was as easy as identifying it. The coming circumstances, I think, will get me to really start to put in effort into my life. Gotta get my butt in gear to be able to graduate this semester, and then the real world will finally happen. I shouldn't have to wait for the world to kick me, but, haha ... I don't know.

I used to have this problem when I was younger. As I grew older I started to realize that the uneasy feeling you get from those confrontations doesn't last forever and eventually dealing with them was incredibly easy as long as I remembered that.

Mhm, I imagine it'll get easier the more confrontations I deal with. First steps are the hardest and such, eheh. It's like, in the moment, I don't even think to weigh the positives and the negatives. There are usually more positives, but I can't help but focus on the bad stuff.

You should take pride in anything you make honestly. Regardless of what it is. It's not a waste of time if you enjoyed doing it.

Eheh, thanks. My head kinda sucks the fun out of anything creative I do, thinking of it as work that needs to be done to fill a productivity quota rather than as a fun hobby.

Not everyone is mean and judgmental you shouldn't have to worry about this. ):<

Ahaha, yeah, thank you ... I don't even know why I do. It annoys me when people are hypocritical, especially when they don't even see it, so it would be hypocritical ... for me to be hypocritical. Haha. And of course, by thinking that other people don't care when they don't respond to me, that's me being judgmental, so, haha ... It's all silly. As if I don't contradict myself enough, I may as well just roll with it and not worry so much.

You don't need power to mean something nor help people. And I don't think wanting to help out anyone period makes you a "selfish sack of shit".

Eheh, you see how hard I am on myself. ><;; You're right, and I just now, like ... tried to come up with an analogy and couldn't. So, yeah, that was a silly way to think.

Sorry I couldn't help you out with everything but at least I tried I'm not good with this kind of stuff dsfjk :c

Ehehe, it's alright. I do appreciate the help and concern, and it really does help. So, rawr, thank youu~

Originally Posted by PaperclipGames

You've just got to get really mad at yourself and find some sort of power to push yourself into getting your ass to work.

For most of my life, that power has been my mom. The high school I went to would send a progress report whenever a student was failing a class along with negative comment codes, like not turning in work and not participating in class. She'd get me to do my stupid work when she saw one. But I started checking the mailbox before she got home from work, so I could hide them to not have to deal with Mom being upset with me. Though she could almost always tell when I'm lying, so ... College has been harder, because it's easier to lie over the phone. "Future me will deal with it." I hate that I think like that. If I could tell her every time I got behind in my school work, I would be constantly dealing with some self-shaming but would circumvent the inevitable future shit-fest of not graduating on time if I can't get all my work done. It's like, I hope I can sort the problem out myself so I don't have to make her worry, but then I never sort it out. So it'll always be "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" And there'd be no good answer.

[Izzy]

Originally Posted by Xiz

-
- I literally freak out when people chew ice

Agreed, this one greatly upsets me too.

[Trogdor!!!!]

Wow what's wrong with chewing ice

[Izzy]

I don't know. It just makes me cringe and I usually ask them to stop or I leave.

[thesunfan]

I can't remark on why it bothers them, but it is incredibly unhealthy for your teeth.

[Dynam0]

Originally Posted by Trogdor!!!!

Wow what's wrong with chewing ice

I don't mind if someone else does it (I feed my dog ice cubes all the time, she thinks it's actually food or something and gets so excited lmao what a tard). I can't do it myself though...that "squeaking" sound as it starts to compress and then break...aslifjsldljfhskjdfn

I hate the sound of walking on nearly frozen snow...that squeak is way worse imo :/

[Trogdor!!!!]

Originally Posted by Dynam0

I don't mind if someone else does it (I feed my dog ice cubes all the time, she thinks it's actually food or something and gets so excited lmao what a tard). I can't do it myself though...that "squeaking" sound as it starts to compress and then break...aslifjsldljfhskjdfn

I hate the sound of walking on nearly frozen snow...that squeak is way worse imo :/

How would you feel if I rubbed two pieces of styrofoam together

[Dynam0]

OMG DONT (srs)