Sparka

[Anonymous]

Chapter 1
The Peaches In The Grove




An ordinary day in the peach grove was always full of customers demanding their sweet yet spicy peaches from the Baglot Peach Grove. Owned by Kimzukal who managed the grove. Walking back and forth through the isles of peach trees. About three to four feet tall covered in bright blumed sweet spicy peaches. Kimzukal, with his two foot pipe which always seemed to be full, always screamed and yelled at his planters if they showed any sign of slacking. Since I worked here I have never seen so many planters get fired for either just stretching, wiping sweat off their face from the scorching sun, or even a little five to six minute break with maybe a peach for a whole lunch. Kimzukal never speaks to me. He merely walks past me with his fat self and screams at the person or people farther down my row. That's because I know the secret to a good boss/employee relationship. Although, Kimzukal or "The Boss" hasn't said a word to me since I started. I remeber the day like it was yesterday. Thirty years ago.
I stood at the front of a small wooden fence. Toiled and scratched as well as broken from it's form. I looked into the small and almost empty peach groves. I counted four aisles of peach trees with only about 7 planters. "The Boss" sat in a small broken down wooden chair next to the peach stand. I walked up to the fence, pulled open the small wooden gat that was up to my thighs, and walked down the narrow dirt path up to the peach stand. "How may I help you" asked "The Boss" who wasn't my boss at the time. He looked through me as if I were water or fined glass. I immediatly felt hot and struggled to reply "Job-openings?" I said idiotically slurring the words together. He looked at me funny with a raised left eyebrow. "I am looking for a job." I managed to say clearing my throat. "You 're hired, aisle three, tree four. "But I-" I decided that asking would get me nowhere. So I left the stand and into the fields and joined with the seven other planters.
So I've been here ever since I suppose. Making little less than ends meat for about thirty years. Considering the fact that I'm thirty eight. I met a few nice people, al were fired within a week. Now a few f them work in large corperations and even offered to hire me. I refused. The Baglot Peach Grove is the peach grove for me.

So all went well as I continued to plant my heart out for these small fuzzy seewt and spicy peaches. I was minding my own buisness planting through rough weeds which I thought I had already cleared yesterday, when the planter next to me asked if I had any kids. Any kids? He must of been kidding me. It was suicide for your job here if you talked and planned on staying. I stopped pulling weeds, then went back to work as if I were trying to show him not to talk to me. "Married?" He asked again. I looked up at him and whispered back "No." He chuckled with his skinny scrawnny stick of a chest with arms like twigs. I couldn't even imagine what it must of been like pulling weeds and planting seeds with those sticks. At least, with the normal amount of mouscle for a person like myself, planting only gave you aches. For him it must of been a hell of a workout to pull that weed out of the ground. He began to laugh and then gave me a little smack on the shoulder to show that it was alright. I shook my head in pity when a loud screaming noise yelled my way. I looked in fear as I saw my boss, wide eyed, sitting in the same old broken down scratched up wooden chair as he was like when I first came to the grove. "Fashroom! Get over here!" He screamed across the aisles of peach trees. I stood up and walked increasingly faster within each step up to Kimzukal. No one even bared to look at me when I looked up there. I suppose they saw it enough times a day.
I walked up to the peach stand up to Kimzukal. "What were you doing talking instead of working?" Asked "The Boss" in a deep creepy tender voice. I shuddered in the fact that I was now in the spotlight. About fifty people yelling in the stands for their peaches from Kimzukal now interuppted by me. So they stood there silent, the whole grove was silent. Random customers giving me a dirty look. Kimzukal looked right through me as if I were that same pond of water. Or very fined glass. I cleared my throat and replied in fear "I-." "Forget it, you're fired!" he screamed. I became dangerously angry. I looked at him in pity, dementingly starring within his eyes and spoke. "I have not spoken to you in thirty years, nor have I asked for and advance or complained about working conditions. So I reply to a small conversation and you fire me?" I deeply spoke unforgivingly. "Get out, you are fired Fashroom! Shall I call the emperor's security and have you arrested?" He demandingly asked. "No! After thirty years of hard, low-pay, body breaking labor you want to fire me? Kimzukal, may you burn in the fires of hell for this!" I shouted. The whole peach grove went silent. Everyone, even the planters who had now stopped working began to stare at me. This was the worst day of my life. No one ever called "The Boss" by his first name. No one even knew it. They just wouldn't talk to "The Boss." After thirty years of working the only thing I learned from my planting sources was his first name. A close realtive came to assist him one day. He was nice, but short. He saw me working very hard and asked me "How does my cousin Kimzukal treat you planters?" I replied "With dignity." Which was true. He wasn't nice. We were just the white slaves of the white man. It was horrible working conditions beyond all means. So calling "The Boss" by his first name was a worst case scenario.
I stood there looking dementingly into his eyes. Studying his reactions. His face turned red. Cherry red. Then his fat on his face and arms began to shake. Twitching his left arm. I looked confused now. Then I noticed what was going on. His eyes rolled back and he collapsed onto the hard soil. Laying there with no sign of movement. The Peach grove was silent. The Baglot Peach Grove was now out of buisness.
I stood there in fear, sorrow, and pity. He worked himsleft over, I thought. Yelling and screaming for at least forty years just, just the fact that I pushed him too far. That if I knew his heart couldn't take it. I wouldn't of-.
The medical emergency surgeons ran up to him and checked his pulse after they finally arrived after an hour. People began to leave the stand before the medical emergency surgeons arrived. He was dead, and I had killed him. I was unemployed and had nothing to bring home. I could no longer pay the taxes of Sparka. I would be beheaded for having to steal my food! I thought to myself feeling a rush. Then I would end up in hell with that cheesey bastard of a boss. I killed him. I'm a muderer. I began to wonder how I'd deal with this on my concious. Before I knew what was going on because everything began spinning before my eyes. In fast motion. Kimzukal was swept away from before me and brought to the closest graveyard about three miles from the peach grove. It was quite convinient that it was called the Peachless Grave Yard. Named in humor because no one would get to eat the delicious spicy peaches from Baglots Grove when they were dead. Now no one woulkd ever get to eat them again. At least, not from Baglot's. It was all my fault. I stood in the exact position as I did before the accident. No sign of movement, I barely breathed in oxygen. I looked at the ground in which "The Boss" suffered on. In anger and pity I kicked dirt at it. Then continued to stare blank- mindingly.

The planters already were leaving, un-employed. The guy who started the conversation which got me fired came up to me and patted me on the back as he walked past me. It was his fault, I thought in agression. He should of been fired. I was a better planter than that stick armed cricket of a man. I was and am stronger. If he were fired Mr. Baglot would be selling peaches right now instead of pushing up the daisies. I would be planting silently.
When everyone left. I still stood in the same exact position. It became dark. The night fog began to settle in the aisles of peaches. I stood there, looking blank-mindingly into the ground. A swift breeze blew against my upper chest. I closed my eyes and was lost with the wind. I thought of the few good things in my life. The father I once had died in battle for the emperor. He was the one who sent me here in the first place. So that I could learn the working ethics of man. Those were his exact words. He died two years later so I just stayed here. My mother died in child birth of my younger brother, Jasikal. Jasikal went missing about twenty years ago. So I had no family. I stood there thinking and now noticing, my life has been very unfair to me. I have had no great expiriences. Never was I in love. I am a virgin. Never did I get invited to one of the emperors balls. No, I just came here day in and day out. Working. That's all I ever did.

I felt a rush of anger flow through my body. I was extremely frusturated. I hated my life. I hated my boss. I killed my boss. I-, before I could finish my thought a hand slammed onto my shoulder. I turned around and jumped in shock. It was a tall, thin man in a white robe of silk. This was a very fine clothing of my day. Only the rich were considered to be able to afford such clothing. I, wore a raggity old beaten down gray robe. Covered in peach juice and dirt. I smelled like fertilizer. The man lifted his arm off of my shoulder and spoke softly, "Come with me. I have a job for you." I looked at him confused. How could he know that I was now un-employed. It was creepy to have been the only two people there in the grove where a man just died in. "Come. Hurry. No time to lose." He said again and began rushin to his small cherriot that he came with.
I shrugged knowing I had nothing to lose, and began to walk up and onto the cherriot. He immediatly took off before I was even fully seated. The wind blew upon my face as we rushed through the night into the darkest parts of the woods. I did not look back at my past. I moved swiftly foward. Into the night. Wherever it lead.

[Lightknight924]

Why hasn't anyone commented to this yet? I wrote it. Oh wait.......

[esupin]

Try to put more spaces between the text(like when people are talking). It's really hard to read huge paragraphs, especially on the computer in this font.

PS-So THAT's who the guest is.

[Anonymous]

Ho boy.

Reach's tip of the day - Read what you write outloud. It will save you many many gramatical errors and enhance the overall presentation of your story.

Look...read this outloud.

'An ordinary day in the peach grove was always full of customers demanding their sweet yet spicy peaches from the Baglot Peach Grove. Owned by Kimzukal who managed the grove. Walking back and forth through the isles of peach trees. About three to four feet tall covered in bright blumed sweet spicy peaches. '

I stopped reading there XD

[Lightknight924]

Thanks Reach that really helps.

Esupin will do. Yeah it's me so what? You wanna fight about it?

[esupin]

Originally Posted by Lightknight924

You wanna fight about it?

Any time.

[Benny1]

Have you ever heard of a transition?
I've heard they are pretty useful things.
They. Also. Keep. It. From. Reading. Like. This.

[Lightknight924]

Originally Posted by esupin

Any time.

Yeah if you weren't sure if I was kidding or not I was immitating Patty from Family Guy.

[mead1]

Family guy is funny.

So obviously quoting family guy, especially lines from obscure characters should be funny too rite?

Nope. Sorry. Spin again.

I deeply spoke unforgivingly

That sentence just kills me.

I read through your story and have to say it was really boring. The main character was uninteresting, and since it was one giant introspective monolouge with one or two speaking parts, I was very, very bored by the end. This was unaided by your lack of correct spacing. If it were broken into proper paragraphs, it might be tolerable to read, but in it's current format, you can easily lose your place. On the plus side, there were few glaring grammatical errors. Good effort, just needs to be a little more interesting.

[Grandiagod]

Make it exiting LK. Put some crazy sh*t in it. Normal stuff bores me to death.

[Benny1]

A FEW Glaring grammatical errors? This thing is a grammar nightmare.

Also, seriously you need to use less sentences. It looks like this:
He stood up, He walked out the door. He saw fog. He walked home quickly.

Why not try something like: He stood up, and walked out of the door into a dense fog. This motivated him to walk home quite quickly, as it was so dense he could feel the moisture condensing on his skin.

Which one seems better?
All in all, you write with very little skill, and can't keep my attention on the story at all ;/.