Scaffolding (A play in three acts )

[MalReynolds]

(The stage is peculiarly set. It consists of three apartments, one SL, one SR, and one in the middle between SR and SL. The apartments are just the wooden outlines, save for ceilings and side walls; the fourth wall is removed. There are windows in each apartment, but when they are closed, the lights go out inside and you cannot see.

In the SR apartment, there is an expensive looking light, a sofa, a phone, some chairs, and a back door. In the SL apartment there are several chairs and a dining table. In the apartment on top, there is a phone, a sofa, and a television. Each apartment has at least two windows. The SR apartment will be known as “Apartment 1”, “Apartment 2” is next door and “Apartment 3 is above them both.

Hanging outside of Apartment 1 is a scaffolding; on the scaffolding sits a desk, a chair and a typewriter)

ACT 1; Scene 1

(Curtain up. The stage is in blackout, but you hear voices from Apartment 1. They belong to Mike and Matt, two roommates.)

MATT: I put the scaffolding out there so you could write your stupid stories and plays while I shoot the movie in here. Just go out there for a little while I get the scenes I need done in here.

MICHAEL: Matt, I live here too. I’m not going out, five stories up, on a rickety scaffolding that you built so YOU can film something for school. I need to write; I have a very important short story that –

MATT: Oh, whose breaking down the door to get that story?

MICHAEL: It’s still –

MATT: Just go outside. Jerry is going to be here very soon and I need the space LIT when he gets here. I can’t set up the lighting kit if you keep getting in the way.

(The WINDOW in APARTMENT ONE opens, bringing the lights up. MATT is trying to set up a studio light, and MIKE is looking out the window onto the scaffolding)

MICHAEL: You know, this wouldn’t happen if we could have gotten a bigger apartment.

MATT: And we could have gotten a bigger apartment if you had… What is it called? Oh, yeah, a “real job.”

MICHAEL: It’s not like you’re bringing in any income.

MATT: Being a full-time student does not lend itself well to –

MICHAEL: There are plenty of students out there that have jobs. That make money.

MATT: And there are plenty of high-school graduates out there that don’t act like trust-fund babies and have jobs flipping burgers. Don’t act like you’re so above it; you decided not to go to college, so don’t blame the limited job field on me.

(MICHAEL moves away from the window, back into the room. He looks at the sofa, looks back at the window, at the scaffolding)

MICHAEL: It’s cold outside.

MATT: Wear a jacket.

MICHAEL: It’s also windy. I’m going to get knocked to my death out there.

MATT: Wear a parachute.

MICHAEL: Let’s be practical.

MATT: Alright, fine. It’s cold and windy and you’re afraid you’re going to fall? The only answer is parachute pants.

(MICHAEL sighs and moves towards the window, gripping the sill and pushing himself outside. He stands on the scaffolding, looking back inside the apartment as MATT finishes setting up the light)

MICHAEL: This is just really, really impractical.

MATT: Yes, well, you insist on writing.

MICHAEL: This is true.

(There’s a knock on the door. MATT goes to answer it, and opens the door, revealing a tall man who steps inside. This is JERRY. He steps into the apartment, looking around)

JERRY: Wow. We’re shooting in here? Kind of cramped, isn’t it?

MICHAEL: Well, we plan on adding onto the place. Out the window.

JERRY: My ex-wife did that once. Hope it works out.

(MATT walks over to the window, looking up at MICHAEL, who is fiddling with the chair)

MATT: I’m going to shut the window. Uh… If you need to get back inside, knock. But not if the camera is rolling. Just try and have fun out there.

MICHAEL: (Nervous as hell) I’m having a ball already.

(MATT is about to shut the window)

MICHAEL: WAIT!

MATT: What?

MICHAEL: Next time you decide to do the scaffolding thing… Put railings on it.

MATT: Quit being such a whiny little baby, man.

(The window slams and the light in the apartment goes out. MICHAEL is left sitting at his desk, looking over the audience. He nervously grabs a sheet of paper, feeding it through the typewriter.)

MICHAEL: (Typing) It was an odd day out on the scaffolding. The pigeons… (He looks around for pigeons) were nowhere to be found, scared off by the presence of a human. Little did they know that… (He looks around again) they… could fly.

(He grabs the paper, rolls it up, and tosses it over the scaffolding. He realizes what he did and leans over)

MICHAEL: I’m sorry! This has to be the worst idea…

(He slumps back in his chair, before toying with the keys. Eventually, he just hits them and the window next opens. The lights go up in Apartment 2 and the woman leans out, looking over at the scaffolding. MICHAEL does not notice the woman. She is SHARON. She watches as MICHAEL randomly hits keys on the typewriter.)

SHARON: You know, usually that works better if there is paper in there.

MICHAEL: (Jumps, almost knocking his type-writer onto the street below) GOD! You scared me!

SHARON: I would have knocked but you know… I just thought I could let myself in.

MICHAEL: I never would have really been able to figure out the ettiqute for this.

SHARON: Nor I. May I ask what you’re doing out on… what looks like a very deadly platform?

MICHAEL: Well, it’s surprisingly sturdy. I haven’t fallen yet.

SHARON: And how long have you been out there?

MICHAEL: About ten minutes.

SHARON: Oh, incredibly sturdy.

MICHAEL: My roommate wanted to film something for his school, but couldn’t “work his creative genius with the incessant tap-tap of my type-writer at all hours of the day. It would ruin the shoot.”

SHARON: Ah, I see. What kind of movie is he making?

MICHAEL: I have no clue what the storyline is. It’s independent, not like… A feature or anything. It’s just him and the actor right now.

SHARON: That’s got to be uncomfortable.

MICHAEL: I’d say. The guy looks like he’s been around the block, though, so he should know what he’s doing. It’s my roommates first outing, so… He might be a little worse for the wear.

SHARON: Well, it’s good that you have someone in there that knows what he’s doing. So, is it just a one camera setup?

MICHAEL: I think so.

SHARON: That’s cool. Next time, he should get a camera man, though. It’d help with the quality.

MICHAEL: He’s working the camera…

SHARON: Oh? It’s just one guy? That’s not very exciting, is it?

(A groan is heard from inside APARTMENT 1)

MICHAEL: Well, you shouldn’t need more than one person to film a movie about a Frankenstein monster.

SHARON: A Frankenstein monster? It’s not –

MICHAEL: Not what?

SHARON: You know…

MICHAEL: Are you implying that my roommate would shoot… That inside my apartment? ON MY SOFA?!

SHARON: I just thought –

MICHAEL: No, no, he’s going to film school. It’s for one of his projects.

SHARON: Oh.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

(There’s a pause as SHARON walks away from the window and moves around her apartment, looking for something. MICHAEL slides another sheet of paper into the typewriter and begins typing/reading again)

MICHAEL: It was a chilly, windy day in the city when John decided to… (Looks around for inspiration) write a story. Dammit, this just isn’t working!

(SHARON reappears in the window, holding a camera)

MICHAEL: What are you doing?

SHARON: I’m going to take your picture, of course.

MICHAEL: What? Why?

SHARON: Because you’re out on a scaffolding. It’s entertainment.

(The CAMERA clicks.)

SHARON: I’m Sharon, by the way.

MICHAEL: I’m Michael. I’d shake your hand, but I’m nervous about falling to my death.

SHARON: Understandable. How long have you lived next door?

MICHAEL: About eight months. What about you?

SHARON: Well, I’ve lived next door to your apartment for three years. But I’ve lived next door to you for eight months.

MICHAEL: I see. It’s funny, we’ve never run into each other in the hallway.

SHARON: Well, I work and I’m in the city a fair amount.

MICHAEL: That’s funny, I’m unemployed and don’t like leaving the building.

SHARON: Except out on a ledge, apparantley.

MICHAEL: I was insistent on writing, he was insistent on filming. There could have been a better impasse, but we’re both stubborn.

SHARON: Yeah. I hear you guys fighting sometimes.

MICHAEL: Really?

SHARON: Oh yeah. You guys have the worst fights.

MICHAEL: I didn’t realize we were so loud. What do we fight about?

SHARON: Pasta, usually.

(Another GRUNT from inside Apartment 1)

MICHAEL: He’s very passionate about his pasta. I never really fight with him about it. He usually just fights with the pasta.

SHARON: That’s very interesting.

MICHAEL: Is it?

SHARON: No. (She walks back inside her apartment, and closes the window. The lights go out in APARTMENT 2)

MICHAEL: Well… Tough critic.

(MICHAEL sits for a second before the window behind him opens, and the lights go up. The camera is on a tri-pod, and MATT is standing in the background, impatiently, as JERRY in full FRANKENSTEIN makeup sits on the sofa with a bowl of cereal. SHARON has opened the window, and hands MICHAEL a folding chair. He sits it on the other side of the scaffolding, and SHARON climbs out)

SHARON: This is much better than leaning out a window, I think.

(MATT walks forward, and slams the window shut. The lights go out in APARTMENT 1)

MICHAEL: You’re not scared? I was afraid this thing might collapse.

SHARON: But you still let me out here? How very, very rude!

MICHAEL: If I told you to stay inside, would you have?

SHARON: No.

MICHAEL: Exactly.

(The window behind them opens a crack and the lights come up. FRANKENSTEIN is just sitting on the sofa eating more cereal as MATT stands behind the camera, filming.)

SHARON: I find the scaffolding to be terribly romantic.

MICHAEL: I beg your pardon?

SHARON: Not in the lovey-dovey sense. In the traditional sense of the word.

MICHAEL: Like… Gothic architecture?

SHARON: And the Vatican. They have scaffolding everywhere in the Vatican, so I naturally associate scaffolding with the romantic age.

MICHAEL: Well, that’s an interesting way to look at it.

SHARON: And very boring. I feel as if I’ve bored you.

(FRANKENSTEIN stands, and moves over, using jerky movements. MATT follows him with the camera as he picks up the phone and pantomimes a FRANKENSTEIN conversation over the phone)

MICHAEL: It’s not boring, it’s just interesting.

SHARON: If the History channel has taught me anything, it’s that something can be both at the same time. But I find that whole history of life way back in the day of dragons and knights to be fantastic.

MICHAEL: You know, historically, dragons didn’t really ever exist.

SHARON: The image I’ve always held in my head is that the knight would ride into battle and win for the heart of his lady fair.

MICHAEL: Ride into battle wearing her color and whatnot?

SHARON: Oh, so you know?

MICHAEL: You’re not the only one who finds the history channel borteresting.

SHARON: But normally they would give a hankercheif. That’s just so very gross, if you really think about it.

MICHAEL: But what else would they give?

(FRANKENSTEIN continues to move back and forth and MATT makes hand motions. The window to APARTMENT 3 opens, revealing a woman wearing all black. She leans out the window, looking down)

SHARON: A scarf.

MICHAEL: Or their entire dress.

SHARON: That would be cumbersome, I think, to carry an entire dress into battle.

MICHAEL: Not carry, but wear. That would completely take the enemy aback. And it would be a nice sign of devotion.

SHARON: That’s very silly, I hope you know.

MICHAEL: Silly, but romantic in every sense of the word.

(The WOMAN in APARTMENT 3 begins to guffaw loudly. She is ANN. As she stands, it becomes apparent that she’s pregnant.)

MICHAEL: What’s so funny?

ANN: That has to be the most sappy, romantic setup I’ve ever heard.

SHARON: What are you talking about?

ANN: Come on. Talking about romaticsm on a scaffolding overlooking a city? How do you think I ended up this way?

MICHAEL: It would appear my nefarious scaffolding-sex-scam has been found out in three sentences by a surly pregnant woman. Congratulations!

ANN: Oh, please.

SHARON: I’m Sharon. It’s… nice to meet you.

ANN: I’m Ann, but I’m also not really interested in anything you have to say.

(ANN moves back inside her apartment. SHARON and MICHAEL sit on the scaffolding, staring up in disbelief. ANN grabs a chair and moves next to the window, listening intently)

MICHAEL: Honestly, some people have a lot of nerve.

SHARON: I’ve heard about her.

MICHAEL: Oh?

ANN: (To herself) Oh?

SHARON: Yeah. She’s a real bitter old pill. She stays cooped up in her apartment all the time and never really comes out. Her sister wrote some kind of cell-phone ringtone and made a ton of money off of it before she died, and left it all to Ann. That’s just what the word in the laundry room is. You know, you can’t take anything they say too seriously.

MICHAEL: I wonder how she ended up pregnant?

SHARON: Well, someone probably slept with her.

MICHAEL: Not that, I want to know where the father is.

SHARON: That does explain why she’s so bitter, doesn’t it?

MICHAEL: Somewhat.

(ANN stands, thinking back. MICHAEL and SHARON sit in silence until JERRY drops a bowl, breaking the silence. ANN is crying, and she slams her window. MICHAEL and SHARON look up.)

MICHAEL: Do you think she heard us?

SHARON: No, she just likes slamming windows.

(The window to Apartment 1 opens fully)

MATT: Well, Jerry “Pan-cake Monkey Hands” broke the only bowl I set aside for filming today, so you guys can come in now.

JERRY: Dude, I said I was sorry.

MICHAEL: Which bowl was it?

MATT: The one with the picture of the earth painted on it. Looks like a kid did it.

MICHAEL: That’s because I did it in fifth grade.

MATT: Oh…

JERRY: Did you go to a special school?

(SHARON puts her arm around MICHAEL and kisses him on the cheek.)

SHARON: Come on. Let’s just go inside.

MICHAEL: (Smiles) Well, I guess this means I would wear your dress into battle.

SHARON: Cute.

(MICHAEL helps SHARON into the apartment and shoves MATT. MATT shrugs it off and moves over to the window, closing it and blacking out.)

END SCENE 1

[MalReynolds]

ACT 1; Scene II

(The window is shut in Apartment 1, and the lights come up as the window in Apartment 3 is open. ANN is on the phone.)

ANN: That’s a nice message you have on your answering machine. I can’t even tell that there used to be two on there. I was just… This is Ann, if you haven’t figured it out already. Please call me back. Something happened today and it made me think that maybe we should start over? I don’t know, just call me. Please.

(ANN hangs up the phone and moves back to the window, looking down at the scaffolding, but both occupants are gone. She sits down and looks out the window, before sighing and shutting it. The stage, now in blackout. There are several sounds, before birds chirping. The window in Apartment 2 opens, with MICHAEL standing and looking out. SHARON appears behind him.)

MICHAEL: Hey there.

SHARON: Hi.

(There’s a pause)

MICHAEL: So… did things just get weird between us?

SHARON: I don’t think so. I think it’s just the sun-rise. I’m more focused on that right now.

MICHAEL: Oh.

SHARON: We’d probably see it better from the scaffolding, I think.

(MICHAEL shuts the window and you hear the door to Apartment 2 close. The door to Apartment 1 opens, but the windows are shut.)

MICHAEL: What the hell…

(SHARON opens the window. One of the walls in the apartment has been painted an odd shade of orange. Just one of the walls. Matt is standing, holding a can of paint)

MICHAEL: Matt?

MATT: What?

MICHAEL: Did you just paint one of the walls?

MATT: Yes.

MICHAEL: Why…

MATT: Because I wanted to and I had the money and the paint. That’s why.

MICHAEL: Why did you just paint ONE of the walls? You could have at least given the room some kind of symmetry! Now it just looks like we’re too poor to afford painting the other walls.

SHARON: I think it looks nice.

MICHAEL: Well you don’t have to live here!

MATT: I didn’t paint the other walls because I couldn’t afford two more cans of paint. Step off, man, the lady thinks it looks nice.

MICHAEL: It doesn’t matter what the lady thinks –

SHARON: Excuse me?

MICHAEL: Because she doesn’t have to live with the wall from HELL!

(There’s a silence in the room, when a knock is heard on the door. MATT opens it and JERRY walks in, in full Frankenstein costume)

JERRY: Whoa, man, trippy wall.

MICHAEL: Ugly wall!

MATT: Can it. Jerry, why exactly are you here?

JERRY: I’m bored as hell, man. Do you have any of the footage edited?

MATT: I haven’t even gotten it to the shop yet. It’s been less than 24 hours. You’re going to have to give it a little more time than that.

JERRY: Do you have any beer?

MICHAEL: Oh, you have to be kidding me.

(MICHAEL moves off to the window, taking SHARON with him. Before he can get out on the scaffolding, MATT interrupts)

MATT: Oh, hey man, we’re going to have to take that down soon.

MICHAEL: What?

MATT: Yeah. It doesn’t need to be out there anymore.

MICHAEL: And that wall didn’t NEED to be orange. We’re keeping the scaffolding, at least for a little while.

MATT: Are you kidding? I got a notice about it in the mail.

MICHAEL: Then just do what you do with your parents’ letters. Burn it and say you never got it.

JERRY: You burn your parents’ letters? That’s harsh, man.

(MICHAEL and SHARON get onto the scaffolding, and MATT tries calling something out, but MICHAEL slams the window shut.)

MICHAEL: I’m sorry about that. It does matter what you think.

(SHARON is silent and defiant)

MICHAEL: Sharon? Are you giving me the silent treatment? I think that might work a little better if we had more than four square feet to maneuver in.

(SHARON moves to the edge of the scaffolding, the lip of the building, and slides over, opening the window to Apartment 2. She climbs inside)

MICHAEL: I’m dating Spiderman…

(MICHAEL slides along the ledge, to Apartment 2, but SHARON slams the window shut, leaving MICHAEL precariously on the ledge)

MICHAEL: Sharon? Do you want to open the window? Please?

(MICHAEL tries, but it seems to be locked. He pulls at the bottom of the window with all his might before losing his balance and almost falling from the ledge.)

MICHAEL: Okay… I’m going to go back to my apartment now…

(MICHAEL scoots back over, and opens the window to Apartment 1. He slides inside.)

MATT: Oh, hey –

MICHAEL: I have to go. (He turns and slams the window shut.)

(You hear the door to Apartment 1 open and close.)

ACT I: Scene III

(The window to Apartment 1 opens, revealing JERRY sitting on the sofa. He is no longer wearing his costume; it would appear that he has just started hanging out at the apartment. He takes a sip of his drink as MATT climbs out of the window onto the scaffolding)

MATT: I really don’t see the appeal in this…

(He sits in MICHAEL’S chair and hits some keys on the typewriter, mocking him)

MATT: Oh, look at me write big stories that are going to be published. Blah blah blah I’m arrogant, blah blah. Oh, hello next door neighbor, let’s hook up! I’m an idiot.

(There’s a knock on the door from inside the apartment. JERRY is still wearing the bolts in his neck, and he gets up to answer the door, which MATT didn’t hear. It is ANN, who is bewildered with JERRY)

ANN: Nice bolts, tall guy.

JERRY: Thanks, pregnant woman.

ANN: Is Michael here?

JERRY: No, he’s out right now. Can I take a message.

ANN: Who is that that I see out on the scaffolding? Is Michael trying to avoid me or something?

(ANN barges into the room, walking over to the window. She opens it the rest of the way, leaning out)

ANN: Wait a second, you’re not Michael!

MATT: And you don’t live here. Who are you?

ANN: Ann. I was looking for Michael. He was out here the other day and I think –

MATT: That you have the right to come barging into the apartment? (He looks at her, notices she’s pregnant.) Did he do that to you?

ANN: No, but – Can I come out there?

MATT: I don’t think that would be a good idea.

ANN: Why? Because I’m pregnant? Because I’m FAT? I can’t go out there because –

MATT: No, you’re not fat, Ann. You’re pregnant; that’s a beautiful thing. You have another person growing inside of you, that’s devotion. That’s not fat. What you have inside of you is the gift of love. But if come out here with your love, it’ll probably kill us both.

ANN: Fine. I’m leaving.

MATT: Whoa, whoa. (MATT climbs back inside the apartment, facing ANN. He holds his hand out to shake.) I’m Matt.

ANN: I would say a pleasure, but I’d probably have more fun getting nails drilled into my eye sockets!

MATT: Probably. What did you want with Michael anyway?

ANN: He was out there with that girly girl from next door yesterday and they were talking about me. I thought I’d set the record straight and hit him with my handbag.

MATT: You don’t have a handbag with you, though.

ANN: A mere oversight. Many things will due in the absence of a handbag. Like, a fist, for instance.

MATT: And what if he hit you back?

ANN: He wouldn’t. I’m pregnant, I’m a woman, and I think he might be a little…

MATT: Gay?

ANN: Empathetic to pregnant women.

MATT: That too. Man, does he have a penchant for pissing people off.

ANN: Oh, he’s pissed you off, too?

(At this point, JERRY finishes his drink and throws the can/bottle away. He stands, looking at them for a second, before turning and leaving the apartment)

MATT: Yeah.

ANN: Well, how? Did he paint that one wall that vicious shade of orange?

MATT: No, not exactly. He doesn’t want to pull the scaffolding back in, and the people that own the building want it gone.

ANN: Why don’t you do it while he’s not here?

MATT: Because then I’d never ever, ever hear the end of it. You have no idea how bad it would be. I would probably have to beat him up.

ANN: I see no downside.

MATT: He’s got extremely thick bones. I would just hurt myself trying to hit him. That, and I have osteoporosis.

ANN: Isn’t that tragic. And strange.

MATT: It’s really a little of both, isn’t it?

(MATT sits on the sofa, and ANN moves to the window, closing it. As she closes the window in Apartment 1, the window in Apartment 2 opens. SHARON walks in dropping a grocery bag onto the table and walking over to her phone. She presses the message button)

MACHINE: You have three new messages. First new message. “Hey, this is Larry from down the street. –“

(SHARON presses another button on the phone)

MACHINE: Message deleted. Second new message: “Sharrrrooooonnnnnnnn! Shaaaarrroooooonnnn! This is Michael, call me back.)

(SHARON presses another button on the phone, smiling)

MACHINE: This message will be saved for sixty days upon receipt of this message. Third new message: “Hey, Sharon, there was something I forgot to say on the other message. SHARRROOOOOOOONNNNNN! This is Michael again. Hit it up.”

(Laughing, SHARON presses a button on the phone, picking up the receiver. You hear the phone ring in Apartment 1, and scuffling. There’s a beep as MATT picks up the phone)

SHARON: I just got your messages.

MATT: Oh?

SHARON: Yes. Apology accepted.

MATT: I take them back!

SHARON: Pardon me?

MATT: I’m not sorry for anything I’ve said.

SHARON: … Is this Matt?

MATT: Is this Sharon?

SHARON: I asked first.

MATT: Yes.

SHARON: Oh. Tell Michael I called.

MATT: Why don’t you tell him?

SHARON: Fine. When will he be back?

MATT: I have no clue. He said something about being heart-broken and finding a bridge to jump off of.

SHARON: Bye, Matt.

MATT: Whatev.

(Another BEEP as Matt hangs up the phone.)

(The phone in Apartment 2 rings, but SHARON ignores it)

MACHINE: This number has been discontinued. Please leave a message after the beep. (Beep) “Hey, Sharon, this is Michael. I’m right down the street. I’m actually looking up at your apartment right now. I can see you moving around. Come on, look out the window…”

(SHARON moves over to the window and looks out.)

MACHINE: “Down more. To the left. I’m waving.”

(SHARON waves at him)

MACHINE: “Hey there! Do you think I could come up? Hold up your fingers; one for yes, two for no.”

(SHARON holds up one finger.)

MACHINE: “Okay. I’m going to be up in a minute.”

(The line clicks and SHARON shuts the window. The lights in Apartment 2 go out. Meanwhile, the window to Apartment 3 opens, revealing MATT looking around as ANN looks out the window)

MATT: I like what you’ve done with the place.

ANN: Did you ever see the place before this?

MATT: No.

ANN: Then how would you know you like what I’ve done with it if you never saw it before?

MATT: Jesus, it was a figure of speech.

ANN: It’s not a very good one if you ask me.

MATT: I didn’t ask you.

(MATT notices the plastic covering on the sofa)

MATT: What are you, sixty or something?

ANN: I just don’t want the sofa to get damaged. I can’t get another one up here, you know. I can’t carry one all by myself.

MATT: You know they have people that will deliver furniture, right?

ANN: I’m not letting anyone like that into my apartment.

MATT: Except for me.

ANN: I don’t trust anyone.

MATT: Except, apparantley, for me.

ANN: Yes, well –

MATT: You don’t get out a lot, do you?

ANN: No. Not very much.

MATT: You’d get along with Michael. He never leaves the apartment.

ANN: What does he do for a living?

MATT: Writes. And leeches.

ANN: Sounds wonderful.

MATT: What about you? How do you make your money?

ANN: My sister wrote a song and converted it to a cellphone ring-tone. I get part of the royalties because I helped her write it.

MATT: That is so boring.

ANN: You asked.

MATT: Well –

ANN: Yeah –

MATT: I’m just –

ANN: An angry, bitter person? Me too.

MATT: It’s wonderful to run into someone like me living in this building.

ANN: We’re a precious commodity, you know.

MATT: Very precious.

ANN: Isn’t it –

MATT: You’re precious.

ANN: What?

MATT: Nothing.

(There’s a pause)

MATT: Want to kiss.

ANN: Yeah.

(They begin to awkawardly make out as they move over to the window, closing it. As the window the Apartment 3 closes, the window to Apartment 2 is cracked by MICHAEL. There is no sound; he just smiles and kisses SHARON. They move offstage. The sound of a ringing phone can be heard from the darkness of Apartment 1)

MACHINE: Hey, you’ve reached The Troubador, the only known habitat of both Matt and Michael. We’re not in right now so (Matt) leave a message! (Michael) Or risk incurring my wrath. Which is mighty. (BEEP) “Hey, Michael, this is your father. Things are kind of rocky at home right now, so I need a place to get away from some things. I’m going to be heading up there sometime next week, but I’m road-tripping so… I guess I’ll see you when I get into the city.”

(The phone rings again)

MACHINE: Hey, you’ve reached The Troubador, the only known habitat of both Matt and Michael. We’re not in right now so (Matt) leave a message! (Michael) Or risk incurring my wrath. Which is mighty. (BEEP) “Michael, this is your mother. Things aren’t going to great at home, so I’m going to be coming up there to get away from it all for a while. I’m going to be staying with a girlfriend for a few nights, but I don’t have her number, so I’ll see you in a few days.”

(SHARON walks out from offstage wearing MICHAEL’S shirt and closes the window to Apartment 2)

End Scene.

[FoJaR]

if i had lots and lots of money, i would produce this play, depending on how it ended.