05-6-2015, 08:58 PM | #1 |
Я тебя люблю Маша
|
Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
It was a place that I once knew:
temperate fields of diurnal dew! A land that murmured spectral songs, that once had enthralled hoards and throngs. I felt the essence of the place, where all but one soul was displaced. The temporal signs of sunny May came streaming through a never-ending day, and miles deep I heard her say: miles deep I heard her say-- An instantaneous night had then appeared! From day to night, I felt her near! She stepped from a spot of enigmatic brume, a visage you have never seen, here against a tumultuous moon! Her floating eyes, they led the way, standing like Artemis, I heard her say--nothing . She was my metaphysical guide, leading me to come to find, the cosmic boundaries of my life; the energy flowing that was rife-- And she needn't say a word to show, the ways that which the rivers flow. Last edited by NeonSM; 05-10-2015 at 09:57 AM.. |
05-6-2015, 09:30 PM | #2 |
FFR Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
plot twisting tittle: "My first rape"
|
05-6-2015, 09:33 PM | #3 |
Я тебя люблю Маша
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
+1 post
|
05-10-2015, 09:58 AM | #4 |
Я тебя люблю Маша
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Edited OP. Take a look.
|
05-10-2015, 01:09 PM | #5 |
FFR Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Your poem sucks
|
05-10-2015, 01:20 PM | #6 |
Я тебя люблю Маша
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
<3
|
05-10-2015, 01:21 PM | #7 |
FFR Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Masha - kakasha
|
05-10-2015, 01:25 PM | #8 |
Я тебя люблю Маша
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
So, you can sound out Russian?
|
05-10-2015, 01:26 PM | #9 |
FFR Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Also I can fuck your russian girlfriend.
|
05-10-2015, 01:27 PM | #10 |
Я тебя люблю Маша
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
I have to admit, I like your sense of humor.
|
05-10-2015, 01:30 PM | #11 |
FFR Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
It was not intended as a joke
|
05-10-2015, 01:32 PM | #12 |
Я тебя люблю Маша
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Well, your existence is a joke. Considering every other one of your posts have nothing to do with the thread and are merely feeble, yet somehow humorous, grabs for attention.
|
05-10-2015, 01:34 PM | #13 |
FFR Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Why do you insult me bro? I got feelz u know?
|
05-19-2015, 11:50 PM | #14 |
FFR Player
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
'The ways that which the rivers flow" could be a nice title. That, or 'LSD.'
|
05-20-2015, 12:14 AM | #15 | |
Bridge Burner
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,040
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Wow..I never understood the whole "randomly be a massive dick to everybody so I can fulfill my postcount" thing that goes on here.
I like the poem so fuck that douche. "Her" kinda sprung to mind as a title, I know it's pretty cliché but..yeah.
__________________
Quote:
|
|
05-20-2015, 04:32 AM | #16 |
FF Veteran
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 668
|
Re: Poem. Suggestions for title and improvement?
Repeating the same line kills it imo, though it's your standard 1-2 ending rhyme. Maybe you could spice it up with the starting few words too.
__________________
Last edited by FF_rules; 05-20-2015 at 04:43 AM.. |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|