02-28-2009, 03:30 PM
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#1 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: VA
Age: 33
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Uh oh, poetry.
The cleverest phrasings,
Orations amazing, Written by a poet, at best Allow tiny truths and Tension thereof to Temporarily lift from his chest. This twisting and weaving Of flowery speaking May leave many people impressed, But only in silence Devoid of defiance Can poets be truly at rest.
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02-28-2009, 03:53 PM
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#2 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada, with the cool people!
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
Short and sweet. I liked it. Nice rhythmic and rimes, good images.
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02-28-2009, 07:21 PM
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#3 | |
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lol internet
Join Date: Feb 2006
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Age: 31
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
I liked the flow to it, it's almost musical.
It also has a theme instead of just throwing arbitrary and unorthodox words together, which a lot of people do when writing poetry. And as Verruckter said, short and sweet. 10/10
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03-1-2009, 12:08 AM
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Supreme Dictator For Life
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Jersey
Age: 39
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
How meta. I like it.
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03-1-2009, 01:57 AM
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#5 | |
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FFR Player
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Location: VA
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
Quote:
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03-4-2009, 11:59 PM
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#6 |
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FFR Player
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
Its a very well written piece I like it very muchos.
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03-7-2009, 12:56 PM
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#7 | |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: fighting villains from afar, NJ
Age: 32
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
I love it. Very very awesome poem. But I think "Briefly lift up from his chest" instead of "Temporarily lift from his chest" would make the poem sound SO much better. And I think "penned by the poet, at best" works slightly better than "written by a poet." Both of these edits are just so it fits the rhythm better.
So with those edits, the poem reads: Quote:
really, though, I ****ing love this poem.
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last.fm Last edited by lord_carbo; 03-7-2009 at 01:03 PM.. |
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03-7-2009, 02:40 PM
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#8 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 93
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
Very nice work. While I don't find it an absolutely necessarily change, I do agree with carbo's suggestion. Again, though, fantastic piece!
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03-15-2009, 10:28 PM
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#9 |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: VA
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Re: Uh oh, poetry.
I see where you're coming from, Carbo. However, the problem is that we are reading it with different enunciation. I understand, though, that the ease with which the intended enunciation can be missed can be seen as something of a flaw. Regardless, I prefer the original, and respectfully refuse your edits. 8)
Think: The cleverest phrasings, Orations amazing, Writ- -ten by a poet, at best Allow tiny truths and Tension thereof to Tempo- -rarily lift from his chest.
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