05-15-2009, 05:18 PM | #21 |
Cerebellumberjack
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
You use a ****ing emoticon in the poem.
You use "walking on air". Eliminate both of these things and it will still be horrible, but not to the point that it's insulting the intelligence of the reader. edit: it appears you have fixed the emoticon. Good for you. |
05-15-2009, 10:12 PM | #22 | |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
Quote:
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05-15-2009, 10:27 PM | #23 |
Cerebellumberjack
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
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05-15-2009, 10:33 PM | #24 |
caveman pornstar
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
hey at least you got two pages of replies, more than what most threads get in this forum
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05-15-2009, 10:58 PM | #25 | |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
Quote:
A lot of the posts were from the same people. There's this trend of trailing off largely from the poem to other posts. Not saying that's necessarily wrong, but it does contribute to the excess of posts for a weak thread. |
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05-15-2009, 11:12 PM | #26 |
No Love Lost
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
I think poems are generally pieced together to leak feelings that are unexplainable.
Everything you described was explainable and very simple. Your spotlight was your "Angel" and you used uncreative metaphors to spice up your simple minded thoughts. Also, you might be implying your girl has bony shoulders thus wings could pop out at any moment. That's one less blow job mister. |
05-16-2009, 10:10 PM | #27 |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
whatever, if you don't like it too bad, it is what it is. For the helpful stuff thanks.
Last edited by Midnighter; 05-16-2009 at 10:13 PM.. |
05-16-2009, 10:22 PM | #28 |
Cerebellumberjack
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
you inspired me to write a love poem of my own
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05-17-2009, 12:43 PM | #29 |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
Emotional crap.
Horrible drivel excuse you complain about. |
05-17-2009, 10:54 PM | #30 |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
I'm glad it was inspiring... if nothing else.
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05-18-2009, 12:17 AM | #31 |
Cerebellumberjack
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
Nah, I actually wrote that other poem for an English assignment last year and was posting it as a mockery, since it contains a similarly repeated term of endearment.
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05-19-2009, 11:09 AM | #32 |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
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05-19-2009, 05:10 PM | #33 |
Cerebellumberjack
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
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05-19-2009, 05:21 PM | #34 |
quite clever
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
Whoa whoa whoa, where did the emoticon go? that was the best part!
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05-25-2009, 11:15 PM | #35 |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
This is getting dull
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05-25-2009, 11:16 PM | #36 |
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Re: "Angel" My first love poem
thanks for the feedback everyone. I'm gonna be posting some new stuff. they will be poems written before i got feedback on this one so they may be the same, a bit.
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