Irrelevant post game

[Lupin_the_3rd]

"...of all the blasphemous acts of god, why this?" muttered the hobo, as his house's deed was dipped into a door

[DanMan69]

Who invented the internet?

[Lupin_the_3rd]

Al Gore...duhhhhhh
Survey says:

[RobbyZero]

Originally Posted by DanMan69

Who invented the internet?

Your mom!!!!!!!! OHHHHHHHHH SNAP BIAAAAATCH

[qualy]

George, George, George of the Jungle, strong as he can be!

[Lupin_the_3rd]

happy easter? Survey says: Wednesday is no

[qualy]

Lupin_the_3rd



Joined: Oct 12, 2003
Posts: 657
Location: I wish not to be stalked by a shady person-->Jewpin
Status: Offline

[aleco]

It's all right. I had Subway last night.

[qualy]

Woah... I see purple polkadotted spots.

[hydrojakep]

Kamek: Bwa ha ha! That fool is playing right into my trap!

Bowser: Your move.

Kamek: Checkmate!

Bowser: What?! Throw him in the dungeon!

Some Boom Booms come in and grab Kamek.

Bowser: I'd better get ready. Mario could come at any minute!

Peach: MMMMMMMPH!

Peach is tied up.

Bowser: Anyway, take Kamek away!

Kamek: Wait! I never got to tell you my latest plan to beat Mario! It's sure to work!

Bowser: Yeah, just like the last 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times.

Kamek: But this one will WORK!

Bowser: Hmmmmm. Fine. But this is your last chance Kamek!

Kamek: Watch this. KAMAMETAMORPH!

Bowser: Oh boy. You said a really big word. That will really help against Mario.

Kamek: ... Look around you Bowser.

Bowser is surrounded by Pokémon.

Bowser: AHHHHHHHHHHH! Make them go away! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Kamek: They are not really there. It is all an illusion.

Bowser tries to hit a Pikachu, but his hand passes right through it.

Bowser: Cool!

Meanwhile...

Mario: I'd-a better-a save-a Princess-a Peach-a... Hey-a! My-a accent-a isn't-a after-a every-a word-a! Fix-a it-a you-a stupid-a narrator-a!

Sorry, my bad. I'll get rid of it completly. This may take a while, though...

Two hours later at Bowser's castle...

Bowser: Mario's taking too long. Oh well. Let the torture begin!

Peach is suspended over a vat of boiling lava.

Bowser: How come all these torture devices take so long? Oh well. Guard, begin the unnecessarily slow dipping mechanism.

Peach is slowly being lowered into the vat of lava.

VOOP! VOOP!

Bowser: The alarm! Mario is coming! Kamek, ready your illusions.

Kamek: KAMAMETAMORPH!

Meanwhile...

Mario: This is too easy. All the doors are open!

Mario hurries through the first room as Bob-ombs explode everywhere. In the second, he is greeted by 500 Bullet Bills, which all pass straight through him. In the third, he runs through the lava.

Mario: That was easy...

Bowser: GAH! It's Mario! He's too stupid to be fooloed by your illusions, Kamek!

Mario stomps Bowser and Kamek, then, feeling very pleased with himself, exits the castle.

Peach: MMMMMMMMMMPH!!!

Peach is lowered completly into the lava, though it doesn't matter because of that 1-up Mushroom she had
in her pocket.

Kamek: Um, are you still going to throw me in the dungeon?

Bowser: No.

Kamek: Whew!

Bowser: Instead, I'm going to throw you in the lava!

He does.

[Lupin_the_3rd]

One day an Asian barber shaped exactly like a cube touched the big red button. 19 purple geese then began talking with thick Scottish accents, shaving cats, and pushing each other into hamburgers with mattress catalogs. I have gopher highlights in my CD player, which only reads ketchup stories about Rake Yohn. You wish your McDonalds computer was as orange as an oversized chainlink fence. A chimney is no more of a retard than gay midgets in June. Klondike paper cut doll toilet skatepark eye. "Do the middle of yer chest!" How cool would footballs be if they made giraffes that distributed burnt hair out of wet cheese statues of famous chimney sweapers! The gill / Shitgoose / Gay vulture. Leg. Homocidal fiber-filled electric pandas. Battery-operated cat squeezer. Dildo spank. Should.

[hydrojakep]

If youre paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Icecream doesn't have bones!!!

[Takisho]

Lyrics to every song on Tool's album "Aenema." (sp?)

01
Stinkfist

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
and I wouldn't have
It any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not have me any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.



02
Eulogy

He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.
We'll miss him.

So long.
We wish you well.
You told us how you weren't afraid to die.
Well then, so long.
Don't cry.
Or feel too down.
Not all martyrs see divinity.
But at least you tried.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud.
We'll miss him.
Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart.
We'll miss him.

No way to recall
What it was that you had said to me,
Like I care at all.

So loud.
You sure could yell.
You took a stand on every little thing
And so loud.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice so strong and loud and I
Swallowed his facade cuz I'm so
Eager to identify with
Someone above the ground,
Someone who seemed to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way, with
Someone who would die for me.

Will you? Will you now?
Would you die for me?
Don't you fuckin lie.

Don't you step out of line.
Don't you fuckin lie.

You've claimed all this time that you would die for me.
Why then are you so surprised to hear your own eulogy?

You had alot to say.
You had alot of nothing to say.

Come down.
Get off your fuckin cross.
We need the fuckin space to nail the next fool martyr.

To ascend you must die.
You must be crucified
For your sins and your lies. [sic]
Goodbye...



03
H.

What's coming through is alive.
What's holding up is a mirror.
But what's singing songs is a snake
Looking to turn this piss to wine.

They're both totally void of hate,
But killing me just the same.

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
Considerately.

Venomous voice, tempts me,
Drains me, bleeds me,
Leaves me cracked and empty.
Drags me down like some sweet gravity.

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.

I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
And considerately killing me.

Without the skin,
Beneath the storm,
Under these tears
The walls came down.

And the snake is drowned and
As I look in his eyes,
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of those times.

I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.

And as the walls come down and
As I look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.

I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,

And considerately killing me.



04
Useful Idiot

There are no words.



05
Forty-Six & 2

My shadow's

Shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in

My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.

I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within

My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.

I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.

I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.

See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow,
Coming out the other side.
Step into the shadow.
Forty six and two are just ahead of me.



06
Message to Harry Manback

[words in brackets unclear]

Figlio di puttana, sai che tu sei un pezzo di merda? (1)

Hm? You think you're cool, right? Hm? Hm?
When you kicked out people [out of] your house

I tell you this, one of three Americans die of cancer,
you know? Asshole. You're gonna be one of those.

I [don't have the] courage
to kick your ass directly.
Don't have enough courage for that,
I could, you know.

You know you're gonna have another accident?
You know I'm involved with black magic?
Fuck you. Die. Bastard.
You think you're so cool, hm? Asshole.

And if I ever see your fucking face around,
In Europe or Italy,
Well I'll -- That time I'm gonna kick your ass.
Fuck you. Fucking Americans, Yankee.
You're gonna die outta cancer, I promise.

[Bang bang / Deep pain]

No one does what you did to me.
You wanna know something? Fuck you.
I want your balls smashed, eat shit. Bastard.

Pezzo di merda, figlio di puttana. (2)
I hope somebody in your family dies soon.

Crepa, pezzo di merda, e vai
a sucare cazzi su un aereo! (3)


(1) Son of a bitch, do you know you are a piece of shit?
(2) Piece of shit, son of a bitch.
(3) Die, piece of shit, and go suck dicks on a plane!



07
Hooker with a Penis

I met a boy wearing Vans, 501s, and a
Dope Beastie t, nipple rings, and
New tattoos that claimed that he
Was OGT,
From '92,
The first EP.

And in between
Sips of Coke
He told me that
He thought
We were sellin' out,
Layin' down,
Suckin' up
To the man.

Well now I've got some
A-dvice for you, little buddy.
Before you point the finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

And if I'm the man,

Then you're the man, and
He's the man as well so you can
Point that fuckin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

So I've got some
Advice for you, little buddy.
Before you point your finger
You should know that
I'm the man,

If I'm the fuckin' man
Then you're the fuckin' man as well
So you can
Point that fuckin' finger up your ass.

All you know about me is what I've sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

I sold my soul to make a record,
Dip shit,
And you bought one.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar

So...Shut up and

Buy my new record
Send more money
Fuck you, buddy.



08
Intermission

There are no words.



09
jimmy

What was it like to see
The face of your own stability
Suddenly look away
Leaving you with the dead and hopeless?

Eleven and she was gone.
Eleven is when we waved good-bye.
Eleven is standing still,
Waiting for me to free him
By coming home.

Moving me with a sound.
Opening me within a gesture.
Drawing me down and in,
Showing me where it all began,
Eleven.

It took so long to realize that
You hold the light that's been leading me back home.

Under a dead ohio sky,
Eleven has been and will be waiting,
Defending his light,
And wondering...
Where the hell have I been?
Sleeping, lost, and numb.
So glad that I have found you.
I am wide awake and heading home.

Hold your light,
Eleven.
Lead me through each gentle step by step
by inch by loaded memory.

I'll move to heal
As soon as pain allows so we can
Reunite and both move on together.

Hold your light,
Eleven. Lead me through each gentle step by step
By inch by loaded memory
'till one and one are one, eleven,
So glow, child, glow.

I'm heading back home.



10
Die Eier Von Satan


GERMAN

Die Eier von Satan

Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker
... und keine Eier

In eine Schüssel geben
Butter einrühren
Gemahlene Nüsse zugeben und
Den Teig verkneten

Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formen
Im Staubzucker wälzen und
Sagt die Zauberwörter
Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim

Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und
Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
KEINE EIER

Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und
Keine Eier ..

ENGLISH

The Eggs/Balls of Satan

Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoo salt
One knifetip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nuts
A little extra powdered sugar
... and no eggs

Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and
Knead the dough


Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:
"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"

Place on a greased baking pan and
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...AND NO EGGS

Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...and no eggs.



11
Pushit

I will choke until I swallow...
Choke this infant here before me.
What is this but my reflection?
Who am I to judge and strike you down?

But you're
Pushing and shoving me.
You still love me and you pushit on me.

Rest your trigger on my finger,
bang my head upon the fault line.
Take care not to make me enter.
'cause if I do we both may disappear.

But you're pushing me,
Shoving me. Pushit on me.

Slipping back into the gap again.
I'm alive when you're touching me,
Alive when you're shoving me down.

But i'd trade it all
For just a little bit of
Piece of mind.

Put me somewhere I don't wanna be.
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see.
Never wanna see that place again.

Saw that gap again today
As you were begging me to stay.
Managed to push myself away,
And you, as well.

If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way.

There's no love in fear.

Staring down the hole again.
Hands upon my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.

Just remember I will always love you,
Even as I tear your fucking throat away.
But it will end no other way.



12
Cesaro Summability

There are no words.



13
Ænema

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly shit, stupid shit...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory.

Learn to swim.

Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down.



14
(-) ions

There are no words.



15
Third Eye

Dreaming of that face again.
It's bright and blue and shimmering.
Grinning wide
And comforting me with it's three warm and wild eyes.

On my back and tumbling
Down that hole and back again
Rising up
And wiping the webs and the dew from my withered eye.

In... Out... In... Out... In... Out...

A child's rhyme stuck in my head.
It said that life is but a dream.
I've spent so many years in question
to find I've known this all along.

"So good to see you.
I've missed you so much.
So glad it's over.
I've missed you so much
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running?"

Shroud-ing all the ground around me
Is this holy crow above me.
Black as holes within a memory
And blue as our new second sun.
I stick my hand into his shadow
To pull the pieces from the sand.
Which I attempt to reassemble
To see just who I might have been.
I do not recognize the vessel,
But the eyes seem so familiar.
Like phosphorescent desert buttons
Singing one familiar song...

"So good to see you.
I've missed you so much.
So glad it's over.
I've missed you so much.
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running away?"

Prying open my third eye.
So good to see you once again.
I thought that you were hiding.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing the tail of dogma.
I opened my eye and there we were.

So good to see you once again
I thought that you were hiding from me.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing a trail of smoke and reason.

Prying open my third eye.

[Moogy]

We are the ones that are gonna last for-ever!

Wait... shit

[qualy]

How much wood could a wood-chuck chuck if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?

[Takisho]

We are the cartoon her-oes a woh-ooh! {Insert above Moogy's :P }

[hydrojakep]

Dos personas murieron al derrumbarse un edificio en la localidad de Paso Robles luego que un poderoso sismo sacudió la región central de California.

El terremoto, de magnitud estimada preliminarmente en 6,5, ocurrió el lunes a las 2:15 p.m. hora del este de Estado UnidosNicole Kidman estuvo en Sydney, la ciudad donde creció, para asistir al estreno australiano de "Cold Mountain", el filme que algunos expertos creen podría darle otro premio de la Academia, como el que ganó por su papel como la atormentada escritora Virginia Woolf en "Las horas". El reinado del grupo musical Outkast sigue firme, no todo son malas noticias para la familia Jackson y el actor Harry Connick Jr. se prepara para su próxima película. Estas son algunas de las novedades de Hollywood Hoy.

[Takisho]

A Day in Hell
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

[hydrojakep]

one fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to Back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot the other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, and went to kill the two dead boys. If you dont believe these lies are true, then ask the blind man, kuz he saw it too.

[Takisho]

New Joyzee