05-11-2012, 12:59 AM | #1 |
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Poems, Check 'em out
I've been posting poetry to a site, but I've received only one instance of constructive criticism. Feel free to read and comment (here) on any of them that you feel like reading. I would like to suggest reading "In Preparation, "Sister of Moonlight," or "For You" first, at least those are the few that I would most like criticism on. I would also like to mention that I greatly enjoy the Romantics, and use their work as my models for my own. Thanks in advance, I'll try to reply to any crits made in this thread:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems-by/Niflheim/ Last edited by OnixRose; 05-11-2012 at 02:26 PM.. |
05-25-2012, 03:51 PM | #2 |
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Re: Some of the Poems I've Posted
Shameless self bump
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05-26-2012, 06:12 AM | #3 |
sunshine and rainbows
Join Date: Feb 2006
Age: 41
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Re: Some of the Poems I've Posted
Poetry's not my thing. I haven't written any in ten years, I often don't like it, and I certainly have no way of making it better. Just why I haven't said anything.
I think poetry's a lot more subjective than other forms of writing anyways, criticism of it seems kinda pointless. Either the person who wrote it is happy with the art they've created or not, and the reader either likes or they don't. It feels wrong to to edit poetry or make suggestions. |
06-25-2012, 12:58 PM | #4 |
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Re: Some of the Poems I've Posted
I liked "In Preparation" , your imagery was absolutely incredible, you certainly painted a picture in my mind almost similar to Halloween ( :P ) and any horror movie I have watched, very very good writing :c !! I write poetry myself but this .. is way out of my league, you should consider publishing.
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06-26-2012, 04:12 AM | #5 | ||||
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Re: Some of the Poems I've Posted
Your imagery is pretty solid. One thing that will help is to work on grammar, because it feels like some of your punctuation kills the flow. For example, in "For You"
Quote:
Should my voice remain orotund and deep.' doesn't really make sense with the semicolon. 'Should my voice remain orotund and deep' can't stand as a sentence on its own, so the first line needs to connect to it with a comma instead of separate with a semicolon. The next sentence 'Take heart, if I am unable to speak the words shall rip themselves from my breast, and, surging like plasma, jolted in ink, lend themselves to the cosmos of the pen.' I would punctuate it as: Quote:
I also used dashes instead of commas around 'surging like plasma, jolted in ink' because there were tons of commas right there and it felt like it need to be more of an interrupting phrase instead of connected to the others. Another stanza that I noticed a similar problem was Quote:
Quote:
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