TWG XXIII: Assault on France! Victor E. to Humans!

[mead1]

We were attacked from the one place we weren’t suspecting it…

In the year 2020, America was enjoying a time of prosperity. The recent invention of the carbohydrate-driven car had destroyed both the outrageous gas prices, and the nations obesity problem. The inventor, Benn L. Jordan, is quoted as saying “It just came to me one day, Why not invent a way to make someone skinnier as they drive?� The only people not happy with this advancement was one Francis Fagouix Du Bois, CEO of Fagouix Enterprises. Makers of the finest French vehicals in all the world. But nobody really cared about him, I mean c’mon, “Fagouix�. What a stupid name. He must have been teased quite a bit in school.

Fagouix held a meeting with the managers of his company to figure out a resolution to this problem, as Americans were the only ones with enough money to throw around to buy their exquisite vehicles. The following is a transcript of that meeting:

F: HAY GUYZ WUT CAN W3 DO BOUT TIS?

E: i rly dont no. i think ill b in da corner cuttin myself 2 releev da pane if u need me.

F: LOL GO POST ON MYSPACE U LOSER

J: We could always convert to carb-burning cars, to stay in the market.

F: NOEZ! THAT WUD MAEK TOO MUCH SENSE!

J: Well, then we could attempt to invade America with an army bought with the massive amounts of funds you have stolen from orphanages over the years, before the new model hits the international market.

F: I LIKE ET! BUT WHO CUD DO IT?

J: Let’s use the one thing France has in abundancy, Mimes!

F: U SIR ARE A GENTELMAHN AN A SKOLAR! LETZ DO IT!

And so it was decided; the three spent the next four hours recruiting a force of mimes-for-hire off the streets of France. Once they had gathered four-hundred, they were sent off that day to invade America.

Unfortunately for us, back in 2006, George W. Bush had created the BESTFRENDS4LIEF Act, one when summarized equates to “Hay guys, no more army for us because we trust you guys.�

The Mimes landed in the Chesapeake bay and began the march toward the Capital. The entire nation cried out “O SHI"

This is where you come in. You are a group of volunteer militiamen with no training whatsoever. A few of you probably signed up only for the armed forces discount. A few for the free donuts. But regardless of why, you are all here now. You will be deployed as a unit on the shore of France, and must find some way to terminate Fagouix. The obstacles are these:

1. He knows you are coming.

2. The national guard of France (A shiatlode more Mimes o dam) Knows you are coming.

3. Four amongst you are actually Mimes. Talking Mimes. Without makeup. Ones who will brutally murder one of you each night until they are stopped.

Fortunately for you however, we have carefully recruited only siblings, and/or homosexual couples into this unit, so each of you knows someone who is definitely not a mime.

Your Boat leaves in 20 minutes, the door behind me leads to the dock. Good luck guys, and LOL.

So with that, they set out.

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