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Old 01-4-2017, 08:42 AM   #4
DossarLX ODI
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Default Re: July/August 2016 Set 1

DarkZtar finished the primary judge task for July/August 2016 Set 1. The notes can be seen below; this thread is being moved over to Completed Sets and the results/notes will be updated in the July/August 2016 thread.

[5/10] Azure Sky {Kazune Sawatari} (inDheart)
-2.372 the emphasis on minimal layering for an easy file is understandable, but the crashes that are interspersed throughout the song probably warrant jumps
-40.642 significant number of notes with backwards pr, please fix
-42.396 16th note should be below the 4th since the piano notes ascend
-43.193 jump to cymbal crash
-48.296 at this point I’ll just recommend you go through the entire file again checking for pr, this is another instance of completely backwards pr, and in a file that is pretty much focused entirely on single melodic lines, backwards pr feels super weird.
-51.485 piano pr is pretty poor here (piano starts off as something like 21234, rather than the 12431 that you have now)
-53.398 jump to cymbal crash
-62.966 another instance of where the piano pr is poor, patterning when dealing with melodic runs that exceed 4 note patterns should at least stress the highest/lowest parts of the local melody (this 4th note should be a 4 instead of a 3)
-63.603 jump to cymbal crash
-66.155 jump to cymbal crash
-68.706 jump to cymbal crash
-71.257 the fact that you already have a jump here to the cymbal crash but have all the other cymbal crashes as singles makes this look like an error, but like I said, recommend adding the rest of the jumps in rather than removing this jump.
-72.852 ignoring the percussion is alright for an easy file but when it’s literally the only thing filling a rather long gap in the music, ignoring it here makes the chart feel unnecessarily empty.
-73.809 jump to cymbal crash
-75.722 pretty much all the 16th sections need pr revision.
-87.841 perhaps beef up the layering to emphasize the loud/more abrasive sound of the higher pitch piano
-94.219 jump to cymbal crash
-114.629 jump to cymbal crash
-117.181 jump to cymbal crash/another instance of backwards pr
-119.732 jump to cymbal crash
-123.999 same thing as 72.852
-128.254 gallop is going in the wrong direction, all the piano ornaments ascend.
-132.722 syncing on the ending slowdown needs significant work.
Concept is good but lack of layering in some parts makes the file a lot more boring than it needs to be. Pr throughout needs significant work.

[5/10] DIST SQUAD {DJ Sharpnel} (ItsOnlyDanO)
-1.608 nitpick, but the jumps to the drums should be trending upward, not downward
-2.208 this jack goes to a different percussion sound than the previous arrows you’ve had in the 1 column so you should move this jack to another column.
-4.008 same thing as 1.608
-4.608 same thing as 2.208
-7.008 same thing as 2.208
-8.508 no jump/hand to the really abrasive kick?
-9.558 alright with how aggressive the song/chart are in general, you really need to drop the tunneling on the first layering scheme you have at this point. There are more prominent kicks/big beats that start to overshadow the snares you were highlighting in the intro and the chart should reflect that. (ex here would be jumps at 9.558, 9.633, 9.708 etc)
-12.783 surprised the 16th into the 4th transition here isn't a jack to match pr considering the chart’s propensity for jacks.
-12.933 ghost 16th
-14.396 32nds end here
-16.908 considering you weren't closing off measures with jumps prior to this, this jump comes off as weird. (though I personally feel the section just needs more jumps)
-18.108 would really be nice to have the columning for the jumps reflect pr in this section
-20.358 you represented the buzzes with 32nds earlier, these buzzes sound pretty much the same, they're just shorter. Don’t feel that representing them as 48ths makes that much sense.
-25.833 jack would normally be fine, but there are other instances of the same percussion progression that you don’t have jacks to. Make the representation consistent.
-Really really recommend changing the 48ths to 32nds, it’d open up a lot more pattern flexibility for you in the section.
^double check this section for missing 16ths as well, there are several instances of filler percussion that ar missed. (eg. 30.933, 35.733, etc)
-36.408 alright this is a mess. Jumps to the punchy kick + snare, but then a measure later you’ve gone back to focusing on entirely the snare (the 4 note jack) and ignoring everything else. (also the jack on column 2 with a note on 1 right puts a ton of strain on one hand)
-40.983 not technically a ghost 16th, but I’d remove the 16ths that aren’t following the synth in the section anyway, gives the section more focus and makes it feel less like general stream.
-41.208, 41.358, 41.508 jumps? You have jumps to snares in the previous measure
-48.033 this is really gross, pls change
-41.114 jump (this is why using 32nds would really be better)
-49.314 ^ same thing (except your patterning here would actually allow for the jump as is without too much trouble)
-52.908 jump
-54.408 intro section repeats, same comments as intro section
-62.608 this might just be a personal opinion but there really isn’t a reason for there to be jumps to the vocals. There’s literally nothing else going on here so the vocal should be represented with singles at most.
-another instance of section repeat, similar comments.
-Not really bad overall, but you kinda shot yourself in the foot trying to work as many interesting 48th patterns into the jump chain sections. Some other errors including missed notes/layering inconsistencies in the midsections need to be fixed before this is queue ready. Also consider my suggestion for toning all the 48ths down to 32nds, it would make this so much more playable and would give you a lot more pattern flexibility to work with.

[3/10] Dream to Nightmare {Nightmare} (ItsOnlyDanO)
-3.289 move the 8th to 4, as is now there’s a 3 note jack within the roll.
-4.581 move this 12th, the 3 note jack on the right hand makes this play poorly
-4.750 no
-5.649 surprised you focused entirely on the echoing synth. There’s a lot of other background percussion here you could work with.
-10.368 should be a different hand than 10.031
-11.547 missing note
-11.758 missing note
• note for this section: you could focus the jumps/hands on just the melody/big beat hits and make this a loooot more playable
-14.244 missing note
-14.455 missing notes
-15.761 missing note to vocal
-17.165 missing note
-18.289 vocal rhythm here isn’t right.
-19.047 missing note
-19.132 percussion represented by a jumptrill, but then similar percussion after is a jumpjack. This is kinda justifiable I guess since they do sound a bit different, but consider making the representation for the abrasive percussion consistent.
-26.463 percussion is represented without a jack here, and with a jack at 26.884 when the percussion is the same, change either one to make it consistent.
-27.390 alright, big complaint here: You’ve established you’re going hella aggresive in this file, don’t be lazy and just generalize a speeding up buzz with 32nds, it feels really really lazy.
-30.929 hand usage was already kinda on and off, but this hit really isn’t as abrasive as the other kicks you’ve accented with hands
-33.458 this whole break has lower pitch bends that you ignore
• In general for this first section, jack usage/strain on hands can be more evenly distributed, especially in the cases where you have long jacks transitioning into jumps with notes that would be hit by the same hand as the jack.
-38.177 personally this feels really weird having the bass kick emphasis on right side columns and snare emphasis on left side columns.
-40.199 this 8th and the 16th/32nd after should be jumps according to what you’re layering.
-43.233 kicks were represented with single notes, but are represented with jumpjacks here?? (47.109 single notes further indicates these should be changed to single notes)
-48.795 you should really have one of the notes of these jumps be a consistent anchor considering the main synth plays the same note here
-49.132 should be a jump if your’e layering the main synth (looks like you are)
-49.890 should also be a jump if 49.722 is a jump
-50.143 main synth plays on all the 16ths here, up to you how you want to deal with it though, needs to changed from what is is now.
-52.502 main synth gets kinda obscured here by percussion, but this 8th for sure should be a jump.
• in general here, not sure why you’re tunneling so hard on the percussion representation when the main synth is prominent and gives you a lot to work with.
-52.840 same thing as 52.502
-53.682 this measure just plays really really poorly imo. Could have the 48ths be straight rolls starting on 3 and it would play better, but having the 48ths be split rolls after the 32nds lead in right to left just feels jarring/uncomfortable.
-54.609 snare nor main synth play on 16th but this is a jump?
• at this point layering is pretty unraveled.
-55.536 same instance of main synth + percussion that often is accented by jumps earlier, but this is all single notes
-57.896 transition from 32nds to 48ths here also plays poorly.
-59.750, 60.087, 60.424 should be jumps
-63.458 kick has a different timbre than the previous kicks, should be a different jump than the [14] that the previous kicks were represented with.
-64.722 should be a jump (main synth)
-77.025 the 32nd and 16th here feel super extraneus. The roll technically does begin on the 4th but either represent the whole roll with notes or just delete these 2 notes and have the roll pick up with the louder 48ths.
-79.469 ghost note
-85.031 there is filler percussion in here that you’ve ignored.
-89.244, 89.413, 89.497 should be jumps (main synth)
-90.508 with so much going on I’d really recommend restraining the urge to accent any unique sounds with jumps if they don’t already fit smoothly into your layering scheme.
-90.929 burts should probably begin here
-91.267 the synth notes here change pitch with every note, yet you have them represented with jump jacks. The jumps should change to give some sense of pr. This would also alleviate some of the strain caused by repetitive jacks.
-93.205 don’t hear the main synth playing on this 16th
-93.542 main synth + abrasive kick are the same as 93.458 so they should be the same jump
-94.047 main synth + kick is clearly present here, but these 3 16ths are single notes?
-94.469 this section is pretty cool with the repeating jack + varied flam speed.
-96.491 you really need to decide whether you want to accent snares with jumps. It can vary depending on section but even within each section, snare representation varies so much.
-101.716 4 pairs of minijacks on the same hand are super straining, move these over a column if you want to keep the same pattern.
-Alright, the rating for this looks pretty bad, but I’m going to say this, I really really encourage you to fix this up and send it in again. There are honestly a lot of cool/interesting things going on in the chart but what I think has happened here is that you have a looooot of different/conflicting ideas about how each section should look, and you’ve let all of those ideas kind of bleed together, resulting in a chart that is largely incoherent and feels like a lot of jumbled pieces thrown together. In general the usage of such heavy layering in such a jack heavy file really limits your patterning. I’d recommend toning down some of the layering in favor of using the jacks since I feel the jacks make the file interesting, but right now the forced usage of jumpjacks into hands just feels unnecessarily abrasive.

[7*/10] Light Emitting Diode G {Neko} (ItsOnlyDanO)
-4.707 jack here? (sounds similar to the instances where you used jacks prior
-9.733 changing this jump to pretty much anything other than [12] would make this play better (this isn’t really a big deal though)
^also this jack sounds higher pitch than the previous one, should probably change the jack column
-10.871 same thing as 4.707
-12.578 general comment on stream pattern: you could use the highest point of the pitch patterns (that also happened to be the loudest) to map out stream patterns so that the streams at least feel pseudo pr’d.
**-17.983 there is no vocal on this 16th, no jump needed here. This error happens pretty much throughout the file and needs to be fixed.
-34.957 can halve the bpm here to show the absence of percussion/other ambient noise
-36.222 consider putting a note to the vocals here
-38.656 nitpick: synth pr doesn’t indicate a trill.
**-39.367 change the burst so that it doesn’t end on 3 (feels like the end of the burst is almost part of the jack and it clearly isn’t.)
**-42.164 jump pr for this 4th and 8th after should be different
**-42.544 try to shift the jack to the right hand to even hand strain.
-44.630 same thing as 38.656
**-48.234 same thing as 42.164
**-51.505 same thing as 39.367
**-52.216 started accent the background synth earlier than you did previously, change this or the prior instances to make it consistent
**-54.492 same thing as 42.164
-60.751 nice use of column focus here
-78.958 the consistency of the hand usage is good but in instances like this, it really is in your best interest to reduce the hand to a jump in favor of playability. Even here you have pretty most lenient pattern possible with the 32nds and it still plays pretty poorly. (note: I personally would have done exactly what you did but judging files means gotta take overall player experience into account.)
-84.269 alright something has to give here. The 3 note jack that your insistence on using the same jump to the vocal stutters means you can’t have everything. Tone down the layering for the crash or shift the jumps to get rid of the 3 note jack.
-90.907 actually this plays pretty well, try doing something like you did here for 78.958, the instances at 78.958 plays kinda poorly cause of the minitrill pattern in the left hand.
-96.976 ending jack should only be 2 notes (should fix itself if you fix the vocal representation as i mentioned earlier (17.983)
-This was super fun to play, but there’s stuff that absolutely needs to be fixed before this is ready.
-Stuff marked with **’s are what absolutely needs to be fixed, rest are suggestions.

[8/10] The Call {Gammer feat. Compulsion} (ItsOnlyDanO)
-Good focus on simplicity (single element focus for notes throughout the chart)
-Only real comment is that pr in general could be improved, but not really an issue.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by hi19hi19 View Post
oh boy, it's STIFF, I'll stretch before I sit down at the computer so not I'm not as STIFF next time I step a file
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