Wheres the line, promiscuity.

**devonin** · 04-21-2009, 12:14 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Well, someone viewing their own participation in sex as a reward for their partner (And not vice versa) is exactly what creates so many of the societal hangups we have about sex.

If it was viewed intrinsically as a meeting of equals, the whole question of this thread becomes moot. You can only be a "slut" if you are "wasting" the "reward" that you have to offer by giving it "too freely" as compared to some arbitrary standard of just how much sex is "too much" sex.

Since the type of person to call someone else a slut tends to be relatively sexually conservative, they tend to set that bar pretty low.

**Tokzic** · 04-21-2009, 12:34 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Originally posted by passivegirl

Honestly, these are exactly the type of things that do not matter in a passionate, long-lasting relationship, as I'd assume they'd be over the shallowness and distorted reality of perfection in one another and, thus, perfection in each other's first performances.

So wait.

You're saving yourself for this amazing first time.

But you know your first time is going to be bad.

...

It's not a matter of "perfect", we're talking here, it's a matter of "passable". If you can't even make each other feel good the first time, what the hell is the point in putting such a huge importance on it?

**passivegirl** · 04-21-2009, 12:55 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Originally posted by Tokzic

So wait.

You're saving yourself for this amazing first time.

But you know your first time is going to be bad.

...

It's not a matter of "perfect", we're talking here, it's a matter of "passable". If you can't even make each other feel good the first time, what the hell is the point in putting such a huge importance on it?

I've been trying to express that I don't put such a stark emphasis on first times. I think that with most people concerned about having a good 'first time', what they really mean is it being something meaningful and with someone who you could continue to have more, progressively better 'times' with them. But I'm positive it won't be bad assuming I know, trust, am comfortable with, and love the person.

What's weird to me -- and correct me if I'm wrong -- is that you almost sound like you treat sex with others as a means of... practice? o.o; ...which is an odd way of viewing sex that I would never want to partake in.
And this 'practice' is all in the name of what...? Are *you* saving up for something? Is it just that, when you do find someone you truly care about, you don't want to scare them away by being 'bad'? I'm being sincere here; I don't really understand your reasoning. Is there some deeper reasoning to promiscuity than temporary gratification in both participants?

**Tokzic** · 04-21-2009, 01:04 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Originally posted by passivegirl

What's weird to me -- and correct me if I'm wrong -- is that you almost sound like you treat sex with others as a means of... practice? o.o; ...which is an odd way of viewing sex that I would never want to partake in.
And this 'practice' is all in the name of what...? Are *you* saving up for something? Is it just that, when you do find someone you truly care about, you don't want to scare them away by being 'bad'? I'm being sincere here; I don't really understand your reasoning. Is there some deeper reasoning to promiscuity than temporary gratification in both participants?

My reasoning goes something like this:

- Sex is fun, and harmless when done the right way.
- Thus, I am going to have sex when it strikes me.

I don't foresee any long-term relationships in my future (not to say they aren't possible, but my guess is they aren't going to happen), and I am definitely not thinking to myself, "I should get as good at sex as possible so I can please my one true love someday!"

Long story short: No, there's no deeper reasoning.

**GuidoHunter** · 04-21-2009, 01:30 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Originally posted by Tokzic

It's not a matter of "perfect", we're talking here, it's a matter of "passable". If you can't even make each other feel good the first time, what the hell is the point in putting such a huge importance on it?

By reserving a large emotional importance on your first time, when it actually happens in the way you want it to it's going to feel extremely good, whether or not the sex is physically pleasing.

If you regard sex in a purely physical manner, and the physical part isn't good (as it's not likely to be between virgins), then you have nothing but disappointment.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

**devonin** · 04-21-2009, 01:41 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Except that the point is that if you acknowledge that the first time is going to be bad, and then it is, you don't have disappointment because you knew it would be going in.

See...there's also a difference between "attaching emotion to sex" and "attacking emotional importance to your first time"

If you attach a huge emotional importance to your first time, and your first time is bad, you say "But because the emotion you wanted is there, it will still feel -extremely- good" which I wholeheartedly disagree with.

If you posit that the first time will be mechanically and physically -bad- due to the inexperience etc, claiming that being very heavily emotionally invested in your "first time" as an incredibly deep and meaningful experience seems to me like it would have the opposite effect.

It would be -worse- for you because you put the act up on such a high pedestal, and then had a -bad- first time.

Having something be built up in your mind and then be underwhelming at all tends to make you feel worse than if you had no such high expectations ahead of time.

**OrganisM** · 04-21-2009, 02:06 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

intellectual discussions are for ******s

**Necros140606** · 04-21-2009, 02:10 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

so many good posts, i wonder how much time it will pass before i can be as fluent as you guys. grandiagod's post pretty much nailed it.

in addition, i do agree that having some boundary with the person you're having sex with is significantly better than someone who randomly pops up for a night, but it still depends on how many psichological constructs through years have imposed on our conception of sexuality. unrealistic expectations are a no-no, but being in a relationship in which the sexuality is lived in a simple, free and open way and there is trust between the partners is the most satisfying thing.

long story short: my first time was kind of weird. i had never used condoms before, and couldn't feel anything. like it is expected, she experienced some pain and lost some blood, but since none of us had such extremely high expectations, none of us has been let down, and we took that as an experience.

referring to passivegirl: although it's not realistic to say that a pain can be sweet (it's more like a literary connotation), it IS a fact that someone who has feelings for you will try to be more considerate and soft than someone who just goes for one time and doesn't give a **** about how you feel. to go from this to say that one must be the only one for life though, it's completely irrational and childish (not that you said it, but some people do). so, i guess you're half right. but the best memories will still remain either the ones with the persons you are emotionally involved the most, or the ones with the persons you had the most intense or memorable sex.

**Izzy** · 04-21-2009, 02:15 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

I don't understand why everyone is saying that it isn't going to feel good the first time. Whether its emotionally or physically or whatever. Out of personal experience It felt great the first time, and it lasted maybe 15 minutes or something. Not sure if that's pathetic for a first time, but I really don't care. She was certainly satisfied a few times over. It felt great that time and it still feels good after a countless number of times. Not sure what you people are doing wrong.

**Squeek** · 04-21-2009, 02:21 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Anecdotal evidence != general standard

**Tokzic** · 04-21-2009, 05:57 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Originally posted by GuidoHunter

By reserving a large emotional importance on your first time, when it actually happens in the way you want it to it's going to feel extremely good, whether or not the sex is physically pleasing.

By this logic, the best way to get enjoyment out of life is to create fake emotional connections to anything you can predict the outcome of, so that when it happens in the way you want it to, you receive fuzzy emotional feel-good fluff.

Making a connection that doesn't exist is not the way I want to get enjoyment out of my life. It's kind of pathetic to me, really.

**passivegirl** · 04-21-2009, 08:46 PM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Originally posted by Tokzic

By this logic, the best way to get enjoyment out of life is to create fake emotional connections to anything you can predict the outcome of, so that when it happens in the way you want it to, you receive fuzzy emotional feel-good fluff.

Making a connection that doesn't exist is not the way I want to get enjoyment out of my life. It's kind of pathetic to me, really.

I'm a bit lost... Can you please specify these emotional connections and then explain how they're fake?

There's no point in me responding unless I feel I have a full understanding of what you are saying here.

**Bolth mannn** · 04-22-2009, 01:46 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

uhm the following is EXTREMELY offtopic and may be a bit innapropriate (if you think so just tell me and ill remove it) but:

Originally posted by Tokzic

Plus, the dude's too clueless to finish the girl off because he's never fingered someone or eaten them out.

is eating a girl out seriously that difficult to do first time? it doesnt look like theres anything that difficult about it...

**Dr Tran** · 04-22-2009, 02:45 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

its like eating ice cream bolth

**Flaming_Dingleberry** · 04-22-2009, 11:08 AM

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Everyone's harder on themselves. To find out whether you really believe you're a whore is to judge yourself as if you were another person, and if you approve of that person (you... technically) as a human being, there's your answer.

Now, regarding everything else discussed as a result of the initial topic, some people aren't too bad the first time. Some people are naturals (i.e. me and Izzy [the Official Gamewhores apparently]) ;D

Wheres the line, promiscuity.

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