Wheres the line, promiscuity.

[Squeek]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

I think having no idea what your doing makes it better :P

its all too perfect the next time.

What.

No.

Not knowing what you're doing can make the experience both painful and dangerous. You could potentially ruin the experience for your partner for life.

If you do it wrong the first time and your partner has know idea you're doing it wrong, you will continue to do it wrong.

I'll give you another analogy, and this one is true to my own life again. I played basketball for 12 years. When I first started practicing, I shot with two hands--not the standard one hand on the side one behind technique. Because I practiced my two-handed shot for so long, I never broke the habit. Countless coaches tried to teach me the right way, but it had become such a habit that I reflexively dropped back into two-handed shooting during games.

If I had learned the right way from the beginning and practiced it, I would've been a much better player. As it were, I was a horrible shot and was really only useful on defense. None of my early coaches told me I was doing anything wrong, so I continued to do it the wrong way.

[Izzy]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Not knowing what you're doing can make the experience both painful and dangerous. You could potentially ruin the experience for your partner for life.

If you do it wrong the first time and your partner has know idea you're doing it wrong, you will continue to do it wrong.

What exactly are you talking about that can go wrong? I can think of STD's or something, but you can't continuously get those STD's. Maybe she got pregnant, but that was probably a given if you weren't using any form of birth control. So really, what goes wrong during sex that isn't already obvious berforehand?

[passivegirl]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

finally responding

we make a huge deal of sexuality because it's something that is firestamped in bold letters in our mind since we are children, labeled directly or indirectly as "immoral" or "dirty", "something you don't want others to know/see", "private" etcetera.

i'm not saying you're wrong, nay, everything you say is actually right... with this mind setting we receive from our environment.

My perception on sex isn't due to the mind setting I receive from our environment. If I were to go into the world, or simply turn on your everyday TV show or movie, it would be extremely easy to see how largely promiscuity is praised. Even television directed towards women (Sex and The City, anyone? lameshowIMO). Hence Crashfan saying:

The way I've been raised, the more pussy you get, the better.
So, to use darkshark's example, if you bang 142 chicks in a month, then you're like the ultimate pinnacle of manhood or something.

Therefore, I think your statement about banging as many people as humanly possible in the shortest amount of time being looked down on by average society is... well, wrong. It's really nothing special or rare that you think it's alright -- perhaps even the best option? -- to engage in promiscuity. I'm not saying the media is how you drew your viewpoints, but you have to admit that this is how the most impressionable of people are swayed, and even feel pressured.


What else can I say?

Earlier, I stated you didn't have to directly participate in something to have a 'certified' opinion on it.
A response I got was:

you don't have to, but your point isn't as valid as you don't have any fisrt-hand experience.

So first-hand experiences are more able to be regarded as the tell-all of the ultimate truth? How, then, can you simply ignore the hundreds of thousands of people who, male and female included, all say they "wish they had waited"? Wish they had waited. Go to any online community -- I'm sure even Yahoo Answers would suffice -- and ask "How was your first time having sex?" I guarantee a large amount of the people, although not even directly being addressed about it, will state that they wish they had waited, and even advise others to do what they hadn't.

...It's just weird how much of an imbalance there is in information taken into account for some of these points. O.o;;

Now!

passive: If you're suggesting that your first time will be great because it will be with someone you actually enjoy being with and you can share your fetishes with them, then wouldn't it be even better to get practice with other people so you can perform better for that true first time?

Not knowing what you're doing can make the experience both painful and dangerous. You could potentially ruin the experience for your partner for life.

Heheh... how clueless does a partner have to be to not "do it right"? See, this is why you have to wait until you find someone *special to you* that you're *comfortable with* and *know extremely well*, rather than just hopping in bed with a nervous dude who you're giving too much reward to without enough justification, anyways.
Even if he somehow managed to initially do it "wrong"... it wouldn't be so awkward between you two that you can't just tell them, and promptly move on to better times. It wouldn't be a big deal at all if you loved them.

And if first times are as unimportant and meaningless as the majority of you say it is -- and in the case of a couple that's deeply comfortable with one another, then the first few seconds -- then honestly, who gives a flying ****?

For example, I don't remember when I first got on a bicycle, but I do remember the first time I successfully rode down my hill.

Cool. Was it on the same bike?


Until next time. ^.^

[Grandiagod]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Heheh... how clueless does a partner have to be to not "do it right"?

First time for both partners = really painful, really quick. And yes there is a technique to it.

[korny]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

First time for both partners = really painful, really quick. And yes there is a technique to it.

I didn't even finish when I first had sex.

[passivegirl]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

First time for both partners = really painful, really quick. And yes there is a technique to it.

Doesn't negate my post at all. But to respond regardless, first times for females are often inevitably painful. An experience of sweet, romantic pain from someone who actually loves you rather than some random dude at a party who just wants to get it over with and that you'll likely never see again is 10,000x preferred. ^.^;

[Grandiagod]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Doesn't negate my post at all. But to respond regardless, first times for females are often inevitably painful. An experience of sweet, romantic pain from someone who actually loves you rather than some random dude at a party who just wants to get it over with and that you'll likely never see again is 10,000x preferred. ^.^;

What I never said just go fuck a guy at a party.

[passivegirl]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

What I never said just go fuck a guy at a party.

So who, and under what circumstances, do you believe it's ideal for a girl to have sex with? Besides yourself, of course. Let's say this girl is someone you actually care about the well-being of, likeeee a sister or something of the sort. No joke responses please. I'm interested to see what you truly think.

[Grandiagod]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Whoever she's comfortable with at the time. While for a small percentage of girls I can imagine that would mean waiting for marriage it's been my experience that there are a lot of females who want to have sex with their boyfriend at the time but are irrationally holding themselves back because they don't want to be viewed as promiscuous.

As for the double standard of promiscuity, having sex with a lot of partners for men is usually considered a sign of machismo, while for women they become whores. This skewed view is a direct result of our evolutionary imperatives to procreate and provide an opportune environment for our young. Males procreate with as many females as possible, and females stay with one male and take care of their young. Because going out and mating with other males while caring for offspring is dangerous for the child. However since we don't actually need to follow our evolutionary instincts this double standard has long since gone out of fashion.

My personal view is have sex with whomever you want however you want whenever you want. Just be responsible, safe and know the possible consequences, both emotional and physical, and you'll be fine.

[passivegirl]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Whoever she's comfortable with at the time. While for a small percentage of girls I can imagine that would mean waiting for marriage it's been my experience that there are a lot of females who want to have sex with their boyfriend at the time but are irrationally holding themselves back because they don't want to be viewed as promiscuous.

As for the double standard of promiscuity, having sex with a lot of partners for men is usually considered a sign of machismo, while for women they become whores. This skewed view is a direct result of our evolutionary imperatives to procreate and provide an opportune environment for our young. Males procreate with as many females as possible, and females stay with one male and take care of their young. Because going out and mating with other males while caring for offspring is dangerous for the child. However since we don't actually need to follow our evolutionary instincts this double standard has long since gone out of fashion.

My personal view is have sex with whomever you want however you want whenever you want. Just be responsible, safe and know the possible consequences, both emotional and physical, and you'll be fine.

I'm very impressed, good Sir. (Not meaning to come off as a smartass, actually.) I agree with nearly all of it. Thanks for the sincere answer.

[devonin]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

hopping in bed with a nervous dude who you're giving too much reward to without enough justification, anyways.

So you few the female -permitting- a male to have sex with them to be a -reward-? You're rather implicitly putting women above men (no pun intended) in terms of sex. Is that your intention?

[Litodude]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

Ugh. Wrote a long explanation then accidentally hit backspace. tl;dr:

I'm still a virgin and I crave for that fairy tale first time where the partner I love is a virgin, we have an amazing learning experience together, and we continue to do..it. Yes, I know it's a hit or miss and I've realized that. As of late, I've been comfortable knowing that the person I want to "give myself to" isn't a virgin since I know that fact won't change our relationship.

If fate unfolds in the usual manner, though, I'll probably have the same mindset that Grandi posted: have sex with those who are available, but be smart about it.

Response to OPs question: See Tokzic's chart.

[Tokzic]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

An experience of sweet, romantic pain from someone who actually loves you rather than some random dude at a party who just wants to get it over with and that you'll likely never see again is 10,000x preferred. ^.^;

First of all - "sweet, romantic pain"? You've got to be kidding me. There's nothing romantic about pain. This is a perfect example of virgins with tunnel vision. EVEN THE PAIN WILL BE SWEET AND ROMANTIC, GUYS. SEX IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Second, and mainly, you're very confused if you think most promiscuous people just bang total strangers. One of my cardinal rules is to only have sex with friends whom I trust. It's dumb for you to have sex with people you don't know. Like I said before, your friends won't lie to you if they have HIV, and if they would, you need new friends.

Heheh... how clueless does a partner have to be to not "do it right"?

Just clueless enough to have not had sex before. First time, the guy's probably going to come really quick, and the girl rarely comes at all thanks to the pain (assuming she hasn't stuck a dildo in before, but since she's saving herself, I'm going to go ahead and assume she hasn't). Plus, the dude's too clueless to finish the girl off because he's never fingered someone or eaten them out.

If you consider orgasm the goal, your first time is going to be a failure.

OH YEAH, one more thing:

So first-hand experiences are more able to be regarded as the tell-all of the ultimate truth? How, then, can you simply ignore the hundreds of thousands of people who, male and female included, all say they "wish they had waited"? Wish they had waited. Go to any online community -- I'm sure even Yahoo Answers would suffice -- and ask "How was your first time having sex?" I guarantee a large amount of the people, although not even directly being addressed about it, will state that they wish they had waited, and even advise others to do what they hadn't.

Let me tell you something about people who "wish they had waited". These are people with all the emotional intelligence of a child, who lack the ability to rationalize why they're feeling what they're feeling. These are people who blame their crappy first fuck on not doing it with their (likely not) penultimate lover. These people were so enthralled by the idea of a magic rollercoaster that when they didn't get it, they don't come to the conclusion that it doesn't exist, they think they screwed it up.

What these people don't realize is that they are mistaken. Their first time would be just as bad no matter who they waited for. When one person can't perform, the experience is bad, and just like someone you throw on a guitar for the first time, or anything else, you can't expect what they do to sound even mildly pleasant.

[devonin]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

And while your first time will be at least a little painful, anecdotal evidence from a fairly large number of female friends suggests that the first time won't be nearly so painful as it would have been, say, 100 years ago, when women were kept indoors and protected their whole lives.

The hymen tends to be either broken or mostly broken already for modern girls simply because of the years of running around, playing sports, riding bikes etc.

I'm pretty sure none of the girls I know could have put a bloody bedsheet outside the morning after to show that they were still virgins.

[passivegirl]

Re: Wheres the line, promiscuity.

So you few the female -permitting- a male to have sex with them to be a -reward-? You're rather implicitly putting women above men (no pun intended) in terms of sex. Is that your intention?

No, it wasn't my intention. It could happen with both sexes. Although, there are some stereotypes and double standards that are just a nuisance to stay away from, hence hardcore modern-day feminists and masculinists(?) usually annoying me.


Edit: Gah! A strangely active forum at the time. Submitted and saw two new posts pop up.

First of all - "sweet, romantic pain"? You've got to be kidding me. There's nothing romantic about pain. This is a perfect example of virgins with tunnel vision. EVEN THE PAIN WILL BE SWEET AND ROMANTIC, GUYS. SEX IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Pain can be sweet and romantic. Sex can be beautiful. What's... so... weird about that?

Second, and mainly, you're very confused if you think most promiscuous people just bang total strangers.

I didn't say that that's how it's usually done. However, I think a lot of promiscuous people still do it with almost complete strangers, though I'm not certain how often that is compared to with different friends.

It's dumb for you to have sex with people you don't know.

Agreed.

Just clueless enough to have not had sex before. First time, the guy's probably going to come really quick, and the girl rarely comes at all thanks to the pain (assuming she hasn't stuck a dildo in before, but since she's saving herself, I'm going to go ahead and assume she hasn't). Plus, the dude's too clueless to finish the girl off because he's never fingered someone or eaten them out.

Honestly, these are exactly the type of things that do not matter in a passionate, long-lasting relationship, as I'd assume they'd be over the shallowness and distorted reality of perfection in one another and, thus, perfection in each other's first performances.