"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
When you jump into a bonfire because you think you have elemental resistance against fire...
O_o
pyro31191: TELL EVERYONE YOU WANT TO TAKE IT IN THE ASS NOW
pyro31191: rofl
pyro31191: You should tell them earlier though
pyro31191: so they can buy dildos instead of fleshlights
...the hell? I could have sworn I had locked this thread.
Ugh...
You know you've played too much Final Fantasy when you buy a katana at the local martial arts shop and slit open your neighbor's dog's abdomen wilst doing your renactment of OMNISLASH. You then dig through the dog's warm intestines in search of Gil and various other kinds of items. You then realize that you just killed your neighbor's dog and they are going to be really pissed off when they find out, so you panic trying to figure out what to do. You consider burying the dog in your backyard, but that would take too long..unless you managed to cut up the dog's corpse into tinnier pieces and you do so. But you didnt consider how messy that would be. Now you are drenched in blood and so is the better part of your drive way. Oh god, why is there so much blood? First things first. You scope up the dog's remains and take it to the backyard where you have dug a small hole. You plop the remains into the hole and pack it down with your right foot. You cover up the flesh with dirt. Oh no! The blood is seeping through the dirty! You didnt dig deep enough. Well, no time to worry about that now, you still have to worry about the mess in your drive way! You get a hose and begin spraying away the blood. The gutters fill with blood. Eventually it is all washed away. Now you need to figure out what to do with your blood soaked clothers. You strip down and throw your clothes away in the trash. You take a shower. The blood has stained your skin and no matter how much you scrub, it wont disappear. "It's okay" you figure, I'll just wear long sleeve shirts and pants for a while. You think everything is fine, until that night when your hear the some strange sounds coming from your backyard. You go to to check what is happening. Turns out the smell of blood has attracted a coyote which is feasting on your neighbor's dog's flesh! You slowly back away thinking the problem with fix itself when you bump knock over a hanging flower pot. You have attracted the attention of the coyote! Before you have a chance to run, the coyote lunges at your throat. The last thing you see is your trachea being ripped out.
...the hell? I could have sworn I had locked this thread.
Ugh...
You know you've played too much Final Fantasy when you buy a katana at the local martial arts shop and slit open your neighbor's dog's abdomen wilst doing your renactment of OMNISLASH. You then dig through the dog's warm intestines in search of Gil and various other kinds of items. You then realize that you just killed your neighbor's dog and they are going to be really pissed off when they find out, so you panic trying to figure out what to do. You consider burying the dog in your backyard, but that would take too long..unless you managed to cut up the dog's corpse into tinnier pieces and you do so. But you didnt consider how messy that would be. Now you are drenched in blood and so is the better part of your drive way. Oh god, why is there so much blood? First things first. You scope up the dog's remains and take it to the backyard where you have dug a small hole. You plop the remains into the hole and pack it down with your right foot. You cover up the flesh with dirt. Oh no! The blood is seeping through the dirty! You didnt dig deep enough. Well, no time to worry about that now, you still have to worry about the mess in your drive way! You get a hose and begin spraying away the blood. The gutters fill with blood. Eventually it is all washed away. Now you need to figure out what to do with your blood soaked clothers. You strip down and throw your clothes away in the trash. You take a shower. The blood has stained your skin and no matter how much you scrub, it wont disappear. "It's okay" you figure, I'll just wear long sleeve shirts and pants for a while. You think everything is fine, until that night when your hear the some strange sounds coming from your backyard. You go to to check what is happening. Turns out the smell of blood has attracted a coyote which is feasting on your neighbor's dog's flesh! You slowly back away thinking the problem with fix itself when you bump knock over a hanging flower pot. You have attracted the attention of the coyote! Before you have a chance to run, the coyote lunges at your throat. The last thing you see is your trachea being ripped out.
I already locked it once! IT JUST WON'T DIE. Besides, this thread is hilarious. It's like...a quarter that has been glued to a side walk. Everyone tries to pick it up....even you. And you feel kind of foolish for doing so. But eventually you learn to ignore it everytime you walk by it...except for when people who havent learned that the quarter is in fact glued to the sidewalk try to pick it up. And when they do, you are the first to ring the retard bell* scaring them into oblvion.
* Yes, there actually is such a thing. In 1989 a law passed in which all cities were required to carry a retard bell in their offical buildings. To ring the bell, there is a lot of paperwork involved, but once it you have filled out all the proper forms, you get to ring the bell alerting your fellow towns people that there is a retard on the loose. In the mid 90's however a lot of people were concerned that 'retard' is politically incorrect, giving the retard bell a bad reputation. The supreme court ruled against the renaming of the retard bell because "the metally handicaped dont really care about political correctness...they are too busy trying to figure out how to feed themselves, or how to button shirts to be bothered by such trivial matters. Nonetheless, due to the amount of paperwork involved with ringing the bell, and it's bad reputation thanks to Liberal media, the retard bell has disappeared into obscurity. How can you help? Write your State's congress man demanding that awareness be raised concerning the Retard bell.
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