One of my stories

[psychic25]

I didn't put in any description because in a confessional, there's not supposed to be anything else- just the two voices talking to each other.

[ruifio894]

Re: RE: One of my stories

What the hell was the point? No substance, mere shreds of a plot, hard to follow, and I kept waiting for a punch line as you presented it like a joke. In addition, your failed attempt at comedy destroys any chance of anybody taking this seriously.

Psh, and who are you to shoot him down, lets see you write something better. Your critisizing him like your some critic. Seriously lets see you top that.

[Anticrombie0909]

RE: Re: RE: One of my stories

I don't have to. I'm not the one distributing stories on the internet. He put this on here for us to read and criticize, but as soon as somebody says something negative about it you all start bitching and moaning.

How is he supposed to get better if everyone tells him that his story was awesome, when in reality it bites the big one?

[ruifio894]

RE: Re: RE: One of my stories

Well considering the fact that your like the ONLY ONE who doesnt think its good.

[The_Q]

RE: Re: RE: One of my stories

No, Anti's pretty right. It was presented as a joke and I waited for a plot line until the priest started to cry.

Because it wasn't comedy I was thrown and the story didn't have the full effect it could have.

Also, Ruffio, please note that my previous post said nothing about the quality of the story. It simply stated that "yes, there is power in guilt trips."

Q

[psychic25]

RE: Re: RE: One of my stories

How did people think it was a joke?

In other words, how did I present it as a joke?

Thank you all for your criticism and praise.

[MalReynolds]

RE: Re: RE: One of my stories

The style in which you presented it is a very joke-ish form, especially the whole "A guy walks into a church..."

Did I like it? Yes. But I was expecting a bigger twist. It was very straightforward and formulaic: A does B does C does D; Guy goes into church, confesses, realizes his error, turns himself in. It was very cut and dry. It was lacking in depth.

And the way that you had the priest deliver his dialouge... His words were unnatural. I would restructure them to make them flow better.

Mal