K, so here's what I've got right now. This is likely going to be the beginning. This section was actually written quite some time ago, so I feel more comfortable in taking criticism about it I think. I plan on having my BF edit it (he's loves editing, the weirdo, and he's good at it too), so I'm not looking for nit-picking. I basically want to know if you are engaged whatsoever by this, and if you're not, how I could make it better.
/Her bed shook, waking him up, scaring her. More shaking. This time, it was accompanied by a horrific boom, and the walls moved. Her fear heightened that instant, as she could come to only one conclusion as to what it was. Terrified, she cried and jumped up to run to her parents for protection. She realized the next moment, even in her child’s mind, how desperate this action was, knowing how useless her parents would be to stop it. But she had to get to them, nonetheless. No sooner had she taken a step onto the cold floor that she was tossed forward onto it, just barely throwing her hands out in front of herself to stop her face from smashing onto the hardened mud. She screamed for Mama, but it was drowned out by a deep rumbling, and the ground trembled more. She had to reach her parents’ room, had to see them, had to warn them, had to get to them, had to had to had to had to. She breathed in deeply preparing for another cry but couldn’t. She couldn’t breathe! Then she felt the huge weight on her back, pressing her hard into the floor, squeezing her. They had caught her, caught her! She couldn’t let them get her, no they couldn’t take her. She had to fight! She tried to move her body, but she couldn’t budge it. She flailed her legs, kicking everywhere. She tried to move her arms, but they were pinned under her. She tried to breathe again, to scream for help, but she only managed to get a tease of air. But it was enough to help her fight. Her legs kicked more furiously. Had to fight, had to escape, couldn’t let them get her, couldn’t let them get her parents! Tried to breathe again, but the weight on her back wouldn’t let her. Her ribs were squeezed too hard. Breathe, she had to breathe, get air, must breathe, sweet air. She was suffocating. The world suddenly became calmer. What happened? The ground, it had stopped moving. She couldn’t hear anything. Things stopped. Air, breathe, had to breathe, oh please please please breathe. No breath.
Kata woke up with a corner of her lumpy, drool covered, hay-filled pillow jammed deep in her mouth, itching while at the same time smothering. She yanked it out forcefully and finally got her much needed air. Ah, she knew she should’ve expected to dream about that tonight. Whenever she went to bed excited about something, anything, she always dreamed about that night the city was attacked by demons; the priests would call that an omen, most certainly a bad one. She never seemed to remember the incident as well as her dreams did; it was to the point that she thought that all of her memories of the event were actually memories of her dreams instead. For instance, up until now, she couldn’t recall ever being suffocated while being pinned that night, but she was sure that in a few weeks, she’d always remember not being able to breathe. A few things always stayed the same though. One was the terror she felt, and two, was that she was always sure that demons had caught her. Funny how that was, since she was never actually caught by a demon. In reality, a piece of the ceiling had collapsed onto her, so she had been told, but at the time, she must have thought that she had been captured. Or maybe that’s just the way the dream was.
Her fear from the nightmare was quickly replaced by the excitement that had caused the nightmare in the first place. She wasn’t going to be working in the rice paddies anymore! Finally getting a hold of reality, judging by the amount of light that shone behind the curtained doorway, the sun had probably just begun to creep over the horizon. She was up just a little bit early. Looking around at her fellow field labourers, none looked awake yet. At the same time, she sensed that the other three women in the circular hut, sprawled on their own haymattresses, were all feeling very peaceful. That must have been a first. She often woke up just before the others did, and rarely did anyone ever feel anywhere near peaceful in their dream-filled sleep. Last time that she had woken up early, Charla had felt as scared as she herself had just been moments ago during her own dream, Vera had probably been dreaming about her current 'one and true love', Razul, as she had felt rather, well, ah, aroused, and Bea had felt angry -very angry. As angry as she had been that time that Vera had thrown Bea’s new pair of shoes into the river Estus because Bea had allegedly fooled around the previous night with Razul. Funny thing was, Bea could hardly stand Razul, much less want to sleep with him, and those shoes had cost her a few months work. Bea never did find out who had started the rumor that she and Razul had done anything though, but Kata knew. Kata's best friend, Tayla (who did not sleep in the same hut as Vera, Bea and herself) had spread it around because she was sure that Bea had used weighted dice at a game a few nights before; she said that too many sixes had been rolled, and Talya knew that Vera would react hostilely towards anyone who would steal her loves. Only after the shoes had been drowned did Talya ask Kata to search through Bea’s things for the dice, seeing as they shared a hut. Naturally, she had found only one set of dice, and it turned out they were perfectly normal. Kata also knew who Razul had actually been with the night before; he had been with Tayla, but neither Vera nor Bea learned that either.
Snapping back from her recollection of Talya's mischief, while looking at and feeling her fellow ricies' emotions, she fully thought about the fact that if everything worked out for the best today, she would probably never see them again. Surprisingly, the thought saddened her. She wasn’t really friends with any of these women, and her only real friend was going with her, (rather, Kata was going with her), and she in fact didn’t even particularly like most of the ricies. Well, Vera was alright she supposed, since they would actually talk to each other on occasion, talk that that didn’t involve petty jealousies or guys. But before she had ever thought it possible she would leave this place, whenever she had imagined leaving, she had never cared about giving up her old ties. Now that the time to leave was nigh though, all the moments that seemed unimportant or even negative were suddenly changed to moments that would never ever happen again, with people she would never see again, becoming precious. She didn’t like this newfound feeling at all, and was relieved upon thinking that she didn’t have to say any farewells right now, as long as she was quick.
Standing up on the cold, packed mud floor, she quietly went to her ‘corner’ of the round hut. Earth! She had seen better belongings in a dog’s stash than what she owned. She owned a heap of rags, that's what. She began to rifle through the pile, looking for her matching tea colored shirt and pants. She found them folded neatly at the bottom. Phew, they weren’t wrinkled! Upon grabbing the shirt though, a huge torn hole appeared right in the middle. When she picked up the pants, where the legs met was another huge hole. What the earth? Underneath both of them was a small sheet of parchment with a few words scrawled on it: “Don’t search my stuff again or you be naked!” Kata had only been a snoop once in recent memory. Damn Bea! And damn Tayla! Wildly, but still quietly, she began looking for something else to wear on this momentous day. There were no clean shirts and her one pair of clean pants were more stained than most of her dirty ones, as the beautiful emerald green color of them had run the moment a bead of dew touched them. Since then, she had worn them in the fields like any other pants, and they were a swirl of greens with splotches of brown. She silently cursed the vendor she had bought them from. That was last time she’d let a pretty face scramble her wits. She should’ve known that any nice clothing she could afford wasn’t, in fact, nice, and she hadn’t even heard of whatever plant the vendor had claimed she used to dye them with. Milkweed was it? She sighed. How could he have been so stupid? She had had time yesterday evening to clean at least some of her clothes, why hadn’t she thought about her attire? Albeit she had only ever seen palace workers a handful of times, but they always looked almost as good as the nobles themselves, and the last thing she wanted was for someone to change their mind about whether she was suitable for a position in the palace because of her shabby appearance. Sighing again, she reluctantly decided that theatrical-looking was better than dirty and smelly, and put on the swirly green pants and found the cleanest shirt. It was a loose brown cotton pullover whose cuffs were almost black, but which would’ve looked sharp with the pants originally, especially with the only belt she owned tied around the waist. She sensed a lessening of peacefulness coming from Charla’s corner. She quickly grabbed half the bundle of dirty clothes, tied them in her cloak, shuffled on her woven sandals, and silently scurried outside into the cool morning air. As she passed Charla’s bed, Charla stirred. No goodbyes and no regrets; Kata was ready for a new life./
/Her bed shook, waking him up, scaring her. More shaking. This time, it was accompanied by a horrific boom, and the walls moved. Her fear heightened that instant, as she could come to only one conclusion as to what it was. Terrified, she cried and jumped up to run to her parents for protection. She realized the next moment, even in her child’s mind, how desperate this action was, knowing how useless her parents would be to stop it. But she had to get to them, nonetheless. No sooner had she taken a step onto the cold floor that she was tossed forward onto it, just barely throwing her hands out in front of herself to stop her face from smashing onto the hardened mud. She screamed for Mama, but it was drowned out by a deep rumbling, and the ground trembled more. She had to reach her parents’ room, had to see them, had to warn them, had to get to them, had to had to had to had to. She breathed in deeply preparing for another cry but couldn’t. She couldn’t breathe! Then she felt the huge weight on her back, pressing her hard into the floor, squeezing her. They had caught her, caught her! She couldn’t let them get her, no they couldn’t take her. She had to fight! She tried to move her body, but she couldn’t budge it. She flailed her legs, kicking everywhere. She tried to move her arms, but they were pinned under her. She tried to breathe again, to scream for help, but she only managed to get a tease of air. But it was enough to help her fight. Her legs kicked more furiously. Had to fight, had to escape, couldn’t let them get her, couldn’t let them get her parents! Tried to breathe again, but the weight on her back wouldn’t let her. Her ribs were squeezed too hard. Breathe, she had to breathe, get air, must breathe, sweet air. She was suffocating. The world suddenly became calmer. What happened? The ground, it had stopped moving. She couldn’t hear anything. Things stopped. Air, breathe, had to breathe, oh please please please breathe. No breath.
Kata woke up with a corner of her lumpy, drool covered, hay-filled pillow jammed deep in her mouth, itching while at the same time smothering. She yanked it out forcefully and finally got her much needed air. Ah, she knew she should’ve expected to dream about that tonight. Whenever she went to bed excited about something, anything, she always dreamed about that night the city was attacked by demons; the priests would call that an omen, most certainly a bad one. She never seemed to remember the incident as well as her dreams did; it was to the point that she thought that all of her memories of the event were actually memories of her dreams instead. For instance, up until now, she couldn’t recall ever being suffocated while being pinned that night, but she was sure that in a few weeks, she’d always remember not being able to breathe. A few things always stayed the same though. One was the terror she felt, and two, was that she was always sure that demons had caught her. Funny how that was, since she was never actually caught by a demon. In reality, a piece of the ceiling had collapsed onto her, so she had been told, but at the time, she must have thought that she had been captured. Or maybe that’s just the way the dream was.
Her fear from the nightmare was quickly replaced by the excitement that had caused the nightmare in the first place. She wasn’t going to be working in the rice paddies anymore! Finally getting a hold of reality, judging by the amount of light that shone behind the curtained doorway, the sun had probably just begun to creep over the horizon. She was up just a little bit early. Looking around at her fellow field labourers, none looked awake yet. At the same time, she sensed that the other three women in the circular hut, sprawled on their own haymattresses, were all feeling very peaceful. That must have been a first. She often woke up just before the others did, and rarely did anyone ever feel anywhere near peaceful in their dream-filled sleep. Last time that she had woken up early, Charla had felt as scared as she herself had just been moments ago during her own dream, Vera had probably been dreaming about her current 'one and true love', Razul, as she had felt rather, well, ah, aroused, and Bea had felt angry -very angry. As angry as she had been that time that Vera had thrown Bea’s new pair of shoes into the river Estus because Bea had allegedly fooled around the previous night with Razul. Funny thing was, Bea could hardly stand Razul, much less want to sleep with him, and those shoes had cost her a few months work. Bea never did find out who had started the rumor that she and Razul had done anything though, but Kata knew. Kata's best friend, Tayla (who did not sleep in the same hut as Vera, Bea and herself) had spread it around because she was sure that Bea had used weighted dice at a game a few nights before; she said that too many sixes had been rolled, and Talya knew that Vera would react hostilely towards anyone who would steal her loves. Only after the shoes had been drowned did Talya ask Kata to search through Bea’s things for the dice, seeing as they shared a hut. Naturally, she had found only one set of dice, and it turned out they were perfectly normal. Kata also knew who Razul had actually been with the night before; he had been with Tayla, but neither Vera nor Bea learned that either.
Snapping back from her recollection of Talya's mischief, while looking at and feeling her fellow ricies' emotions, she fully thought about the fact that if everything worked out for the best today, she would probably never see them again. Surprisingly, the thought saddened her. She wasn’t really friends with any of these women, and her only real friend was going with her, (rather, Kata was going with her), and she in fact didn’t even particularly like most of the ricies. Well, Vera was alright she supposed, since they would actually talk to each other on occasion, talk that that didn’t involve petty jealousies or guys. But before she had ever thought it possible she would leave this place, whenever she had imagined leaving, she had never cared about giving up her old ties. Now that the time to leave was nigh though, all the moments that seemed unimportant or even negative were suddenly changed to moments that would never ever happen again, with people she would never see again, becoming precious. She didn’t like this newfound feeling at all, and was relieved upon thinking that she didn’t have to say any farewells right now, as long as she was quick.
Standing up on the cold, packed mud floor, she quietly went to her ‘corner’ of the round hut. Earth! She had seen better belongings in a dog’s stash than what she owned. She owned a heap of rags, that's what. She began to rifle through the pile, looking for her matching tea colored shirt and pants. She found them folded neatly at the bottom. Phew, they weren’t wrinkled! Upon grabbing the shirt though, a huge torn hole appeared right in the middle. When she picked up the pants, where the legs met was another huge hole. What the earth? Underneath both of them was a small sheet of parchment with a few words scrawled on it: “Don’t search my stuff again or you be naked!” Kata had only been a snoop once in recent memory. Damn Bea! And damn Tayla! Wildly, but still quietly, she began looking for something else to wear on this momentous day. There were no clean shirts and her one pair of clean pants were more stained than most of her dirty ones, as the beautiful emerald green color of them had run the moment a bead of dew touched them. Since then, she had worn them in the fields like any other pants, and they were a swirl of greens with splotches of brown. She silently cursed the vendor she had bought them from. That was last time she’d let a pretty face scramble her wits. She should’ve known that any nice clothing she could afford wasn’t, in fact, nice, and she hadn’t even heard of whatever plant the vendor had claimed she used to dye them with. Milkweed was it? She sighed. How could he have been so stupid? She had had time yesterday evening to clean at least some of her clothes, why hadn’t she thought about her attire? Albeit she had only ever seen palace workers a handful of times, but they always looked almost as good as the nobles themselves, and the last thing she wanted was for someone to change their mind about whether she was suitable for a position in the palace because of her shabby appearance. Sighing again, she reluctantly decided that theatrical-looking was better than dirty and smelly, and put on the swirly green pants and found the cleanest shirt. It was a loose brown cotton pullover whose cuffs were almost black, but which would’ve looked sharp with the pants originally, especially with the only belt she owned tied around the waist. She sensed a lessening of peacefulness coming from Charla’s corner. She quickly grabbed half the bundle of dirty clothes, tied them in her cloak, shuffled on her woven sandals, and silently scurried outside into the cool morning air. As she passed Charla’s bed, Charla stirred. No goodbyes and no regrets; Kata was ready for a new life./
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