i posted something here before, months ago, but that was just a bad idea altogether. that was a comic, and i was turning it into a novel. bad. so, here's a book, full-blown book, i'm posting it all over the web, i need critique badly, please.
based on a true story
...sort of...
(Unknown Sender): 02:34: I know you're there.
(Unknown Sender): 02:37: Answer me.
(Unknown Sender): 02:42: I know you'll be looking for me.
Don't bother trying to trace this. You won't find anything. I don't
trust anyone anymore...I can thank you for that at least.
(Unknown Sender): 02:45: I just wanted to tell you something
before I leave for good.
(Unknown Sender): 02:50: You were right.
[(Unknown Sender) cut communications]
F L A S H P O I N T
Prologue
==========
June 27
23:13
U.S.A. New York, NY: Route 42
Apartment #108
The door to the trashy apartment opened slowly, the creak of the rotted wood filling the room. The light from the hallway left a bright rectangle on the wall, obstructed only by the slouched shadow of a figure walking through the doorway. The door closed, extinguishing all light and leaving the room in darkness again, save for the moonlight shining through the wall-sized window. The owner of the apartment, not bothering to take off his shoes or worn brown jacket, trudged across a floor littered with crumpled papers, beer cans, and torn files stamped "Confidential" and collapsed on the small bed in the corner farthest from the door.
Parker Searson did this out of habit, knowing full well that he would never fall asleep tonight. Right on cue he roused himself up, sat at his console, and stared at the blank monitor for a few moments before switching it on. He looked much older than he should have. Only 23, with brown unruly hair and unshaven face, he looked like a regular man his age. . . until you saw his eyes. His eyes were blank, refusing to yield any hints of his thoughts or feelings.
His console booted up, and he summoned the same file he always did. Why can't I understand it? It's the last thing still standing in my way. . .
"Still obssessed with that?"
Parker unglued his eyes and spun around to the dark corner of the room, to the sound of that unforgettable voice. Jonathan Fields stepped out of the shadows and into the moonlight shining on the floor. He was a shorter man wearing a brown leather jacket and a striped turtleneck underneath, with thin red hair, a mustache and a slight beer belly that was balanced out by solid muscle.
"How'd you get in here, Jon?" Parker asked him with no real curiousity in his voice. Always getting into places you don't belong.
"Don't have much time, so let's ask 'why' instead." Jon opened the fridge and helped himself to a beer.
"Whatever it is, I'm not interested. Get out. I'm tired," Parker said, switching off his console and getting off his seat.
"I've got a job for you, Parker," Jon said as he sat down on the rolling chair that Parker had just dismounted.
"Got one already." Parker slumped face down on the bed once more and blindly pointed to the door as rudely as possible.
"Not anymore."
Parker rolled over to glare at him. "Now I'm really kicking you out, Fields."
Jon merely rolled his way over and threw a folder at him. "It's a government operation. Purpose is monitoring potential threats to homeland security." Jon swallowed another gulp of beer. "Spying, if you will," he admitted as he wiped his mouth.
Parker cocked his brow. "Counter-terrorism?" He laughed cynically. " What's left to terrorize?"
"It's a little more than counter-terrorism. . . but I can't tell you the details now," Jon hinted, peeking through the window as Parker read through the file.
"Operation: Flashpoint. . . ? This is all legalized, all the right signatures. Secretary of Defense, Intelligence, even the Chancellor. They're all for it. The whole Alliance. What do you even have to do with this, Jon? You got out of this area years ago," Parker said, reviewing the file.
"That's what you think. What everyone thinks. I help run this operation. Make sure it goes smooth-like. But. . . we're having trouble decoding some of the data we're intercepting. We could use your skills, Searson." Parker noted the professional distance Jon achieved by using his last name.
"I can't even decode that blasted sequence on my console, what makes you think . . ." Parker trailed off as he read something on the file. He glared at Jon. "This is top secret information."
"Which is why you have no choice now, Park." Jon smiled sadly as his hold-out pistol came smoothly out of his sleeve and into his hand, aimed at Parker. "Come on, you had to have seen this coming."
"I don't want any part. Just leave, I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't want to. I don't want to be involved," Parker said firmly.
Jon just chuckled. "I'm afraid you don't fully understand the circumstances. They know I came to see you. So they know that you know. And secrecy is absolutely crucial. You're already involved, old buddy."
Parker threw the file away from him in anger, sending papers wildly through the room. There was an awkward moment of silence that seemed to go on for minutes. Jon sat morosely in his chair.
Finally, Parker spoke. "So what happens now. . . ?"
"Well, if you refuse, there are two options. I could shoot you now. It would kill me inside, but don't doubt I would do it. Or. . . I could leave, and you go on with your life until you are unexpectedly met by someone that lacks our rich history. If you accept, you come with me, and you disappear. Any record of your existence is erased until the operation is closed. So what do you say, Searson?"
Parker put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. Go or die. And it could be a very, very long time before this 'operation' was closed. Parker only knew one way to face this decision:
"Does it pay?"
Humor.
Jon burst out laughing, relieved that his old friend had lifted the tension off the situation. He holstered his gun. "You bet your ass it does. More than you can imagine."
Parker got up headed to the closet. "Give me some time to pack my things and I'll be--"
Jon interrupted hastily. "Nope. Everything you need will be supplied. All you need to do is follow me."
Reluctantly, Parker walked out the door, followed by his old friend Jon Fields, feeling he was somehow about to get into something way over his head.
Again. . .
based on a true story
...sort of...
(Unknown Sender): 02:34: I know you're there.
(Unknown Sender): 02:37: Answer me.
(Unknown Sender): 02:42: I know you'll be looking for me.
Don't bother trying to trace this. You won't find anything. I don't
trust anyone anymore...I can thank you for that at least.
(Unknown Sender): 02:45: I just wanted to tell you something
before I leave for good.
(Unknown Sender): 02:50: You were right.
[(Unknown Sender) cut communications]
F L A S H P O I N T
Prologue
==========
June 27
23:13
U.S.A. New York, NY: Route 42
Apartment #108
The door to the trashy apartment opened slowly, the creak of the rotted wood filling the room. The light from the hallway left a bright rectangle on the wall, obstructed only by the slouched shadow of a figure walking through the doorway. The door closed, extinguishing all light and leaving the room in darkness again, save for the moonlight shining through the wall-sized window. The owner of the apartment, not bothering to take off his shoes or worn brown jacket, trudged across a floor littered with crumpled papers, beer cans, and torn files stamped "Confidential" and collapsed on the small bed in the corner farthest from the door.
Parker Searson did this out of habit, knowing full well that he would never fall asleep tonight. Right on cue he roused himself up, sat at his console, and stared at the blank monitor for a few moments before switching it on. He looked much older than he should have. Only 23, with brown unruly hair and unshaven face, he looked like a regular man his age. . . until you saw his eyes. His eyes were blank, refusing to yield any hints of his thoughts or feelings.
His console booted up, and he summoned the same file he always did. Why can't I understand it? It's the last thing still standing in my way. . .
"Still obssessed with that?"
Parker unglued his eyes and spun around to the dark corner of the room, to the sound of that unforgettable voice. Jonathan Fields stepped out of the shadows and into the moonlight shining on the floor. He was a shorter man wearing a brown leather jacket and a striped turtleneck underneath, with thin red hair, a mustache and a slight beer belly that was balanced out by solid muscle.
"How'd you get in here, Jon?" Parker asked him with no real curiousity in his voice. Always getting into places you don't belong.
"Don't have much time, so let's ask 'why' instead." Jon opened the fridge and helped himself to a beer.
"Whatever it is, I'm not interested. Get out. I'm tired," Parker said, switching off his console and getting off his seat.
"I've got a job for you, Parker," Jon said as he sat down on the rolling chair that Parker had just dismounted.
"Got one already." Parker slumped face down on the bed once more and blindly pointed to the door as rudely as possible.
"Not anymore."
Parker rolled over to glare at him. "Now I'm really kicking you out, Fields."
Jon merely rolled his way over and threw a folder at him. "It's a government operation. Purpose is monitoring potential threats to homeland security." Jon swallowed another gulp of beer. "Spying, if you will," he admitted as he wiped his mouth.
Parker cocked his brow. "Counter-terrorism?" He laughed cynically. " What's left to terrorize?"
"It's a little more than counter-terrorism. . . but I can't tell you the details now," Jon hinted, peeking through the window as Parker read through the file.
"Operation: Flashpoint. . . ? This is all legalized, all the right signatures. Secretary of Defense, Intelligence, even the Chancellor. They're all for it. The whole Alliance. What do you even have to do with this, Jon? You got out of this area years ago," Parker said, reviewing the file.
"That's what you think. What everyone thinks. I help run this operation. Make sure it goes smooth-like. But. . . we're having trouble decoding some of the data we're intercepting. We could use your skills, Searson." Parker noted the professional distance Jon achieved by using his last name.
"I can't even decode that blasted sequence on my console, what makes you think . . ." Parker trailed off as he read something on the file. He glared at Jon. "This is top secret information."
"Which is why you have no choice now, Park." Jon smiled sadly as his hold-out pistol came smoothly out of his sleeve and into his hand, aimed at Parker. "Come on, you had to have seen this coming."
"I don't want any part. Just leave, I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't want to. I don't want to be involved," Parker said firmly.
Jon just chuckled. "I'm afraid you don't fully understand the circumstances. They know I came to see you. So they know that you know. And secrecy is absolutely crucial. You're already involved, old buddy."
Parker threw the file away from him in anger, sending papers wildly through the room. There was an awkward moment of silence that seemed to go on for minutes. Jon sat morosely in his chair.
Finally, Parker spoke. "So what happens now. . . ?"
"Well, if you refuse, there are two options. I could shoot you now. It would kill me inside, but don't doubt I would do it. Or. . . I could leave, and you go on with your life until you are unexpectedly met by someone that lacks our rich history. If you accept, you come with me, and you disappear. Any record of your existence is erased until the operation is closed. So what do you say, Searson?"
Parker put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. Go or die. And it could be a very, very long time before this 'operation' was closed. Parker only knew one way to face this decision:
"Does it pay?"
Humor.
Jon burst out laughing, relieved that his old friend had lifted the tension off the situation. He holstered his gun. "You bet your ass it does. More than you can imagine."
Parker got up headed to the closet. "Give me some time to pack my things and I'll be--"
Jon interrupted hastily. "Nope. Everything you need will be supplied. All you need to do is follow me."
Reluctantly, Parker walked out the door, followed by his old friend Jon Fields, feeling he was somehow about to get into something way over his head.
Again. . .

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