The Battle Has Only Begun

Collapse
X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Devour
    FFR Player
    • Sep 2007
    • 253

    #1

    The Battle Has Only Begun

    I don't know if this is a short story, or what the hell people would consider this kind of thing. But I was bored in English, History and Math class today, so I just wrote this stuff down, metaphorically reflecting emotions, etc.
    Not the most original, if you look at it bluntly, but meh. I wrote it to post here, so criticize on!




    And I had come from the future, but ignorance is blindness—and when a blind man cannot even see that is is blind, and his seeing-eye dog is named Denial, only then can everyone around him see that he is lost. Those around him are hurting him; he trusts no one but the knife in his back. But he couldn't see nor trust that his future was a relapse of my past, and with his condition, the insanity would eventually grow until it was enough to kill him. His "best friend" of nearly a score had been confusing him, and using him. But his partner for life—myself—was the only thing saving him, but killing him with time.

    As years went by, in mere days—his illness progressing—the severity greatly increased. He was blinder than before—more lost. I told him about his future—his fate which would carry on unless he could see again... His courage was rapidly depleting, and his fear became unbeatable lethargy. He became a true lost soul, with his future at his side—and I had come from HIS future, but his ignorance—his blindness—masked the fork in the road—his chance to be free, and live in peace once more.

    He now possessed dominant lethargy in high amounts, enough to present adverse affects of cold, hard psychosis, and in a violent, saddened rage, he began to engulf the entire world, destroying one mind at a time, all the while trying to save himself, but accomplishing nothing. For I have witnessed the moral decay of a loved one, as every soul will witness the destruction of their own lives, just as you all have done to him.

    So watch in horror as this planet goes down in flames—arson committed by a blind man. Time has been his enemy, and he is out to destroy that enemy—meaning to destroy all beings capable of having the perspective and sense of that enemy. Although his wounds were truly self-inflicted, he had gluttony—gluttony for revenge, and revenge serves all.
    Last edited by Devour; 09-22-2008, 02:55 PM.
  • NFD
    FFR Player
    • Nov 2007
    • 4715

    #2
    Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

    That was one of the best short stories I've ever read Emily. You put so much detail into it.

    Comment

    • Devour
      FFR Player
      • Sep 2007
      • 253

      #3
      Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

      Thanks, Tyler. I really tried to put as much detail as possible into everything I write.
      It makes people want to keep reading more.

      Comment

      • Blue Bird
        FFR Veteran
        • Dec 2007
        • 377

        #4
        Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

        Wow this is really cool! o.o You write better than me! Gah. >.< You used so many metaphors. ;o I think that's why it's so cool.

        Comment

        • Kirby615
          Music is my soul
          • Nov 2005
          • 284

          #5
          Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

          This story speaks out so much to me. It fills me with a sense of fear; a sense of not knowing what is to come. The vast amounts of metaphors and incredible amount of detail made me feel the emotions. I felt them for other reasons as well...but those are not to be spoken. In all honesty Emily, I believe you should become a writer. Your stories would be amazing, IMO. Keep writing, and make more stories as they come to you. I love you Em, keep up the great work.

          Comment

          • Devour
            FFR Player
            • Sep 2007
            • 253

            #6
            Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

            Nah, I'm going to keep it amateur.

            Comment

            • Verruckter
              FFR Player
              • Apr 2004
              • 2707

              #7
              Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

              Not too sure what to think of this. It seems the story is very lacking, there are some odd an unpleasent repetitions in the sentences, and the way you seem to stagger and stutter it kind of annoying.

              But overall, the writing is good, the vocabulary is nice, descriptions are rich and accurate enough to keep the mood - mood which I think you achieved nicely. I say keep it up, you're definitely in the good way!
              Truth lies in loneliness, When hope is long gone by -Blind Guardian, The Soulforged
              Image removed for size violation.

              Comment

              • Devour
                FFR Player
                • Sep 2007
                • 253

                #8
                Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

                Originally posted by Verruckter
                Not too sure what to think of this. It seems the story is very lacking, there are some odd an unpleasent repetitions in the sentences, and the way you seem to stagger and stutter it kind of annoying.
                You're probably right, although I do like to add repetition in my literature, I do suppose it was a tad excessive in this one, haha. And the complete subject line of this was written to be assumed by the reader. n_n

                Comment

                • Tokzic
                  FFR Player
                  • May 2005
                  • 6878

                  #9
                  Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

                  I found this extremely, extremely cheesy. A seeing-eye dog named Denial? Trusts no one but the knife in his back? Every other metaphor made me groan.

                  Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what

                  Comment

                  • Devour
                    FFR Player
                    • Sep 2007
                    • 253

                    #10
                    Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

                    Can't please them all

                    Comment

                    • funmonkey54
                      The Chill Keeper
                      • Oct 2007
                      • 4127

                      #11
                      Re: The Battle Has Only Begun

                      IT has its good and its bad parts.

                      PROS:
                      Great detail
                      Decent plot
                      Decent Vocab


                      CONS:
                      WAY too much repetition

                      Comment

                      Working...