for the people and criticism... read :)

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  • bbe-doll
    FFR Player
    • Jul 2008
    • 10
    #1

    for the people and criticism... read :)

    Im not shure if you're going to like this or not but i have put time and thought into it. It do not have a tittle! :P

    I have been put down more then one time
    For what have I done?, I didn't do any crime
    I have been hit with words of hate
    People used their words against me
    Words of hate and dishearten for what am I to be
    For those who hate me, let some love lie in you
    All your criticism has brightened up my day
    On my other poems you said what you had to say
    Just to let you know you have helped me
    For this poem there is only one goal
    A goal to strike forgiveness into your heart and soul
    Im not shure if it has worked but
    Let me know if you changed your mind
    If so then lets leave the bad memorys behined


    If you are one of the one's that have posted on my other poems you will know what this poem is about !! If you dont like it please tell me what i can improve on thanks
    Last edited by bbe-doll; 08-27-2008, 06:22 AM. Reason: Had to fix some stuff ^^
    Tags: None
    • MyRoseTearsBlood
      FFR Veteran
      • Feb 2006
      • 698
      #2
      Re: for the people and criticism... read

      I love poetry, but this seems like just a spilling of thoughts into a notepad. Perhaps try using metaphors and similes? Also, you're using pretty basic vocabulary. Not to mention you don't even capitalize your I's.

      I like the idea meaning behind it though. :]
      Last edited by MyRoseTearsBlood; 08-27-2008, 06:20 AM.
      FUS RO DAH!

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        • Quigly
          nah
          • Jan 2008
          • 3506
          #3
          Re: for the people and criticism... read

          I have some pointers but it depends if I should say them or not. Are you actually going to handle the criticism well or are you going to lash out at people like last time?

          PS. Your grammar and spelling REALLY needs to improve, this is the Literature section for Christ's sake.
          nah

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            • MalReynolds
              CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
              • Sep 2003
              • 6571
              #4
              Re: for the people and criticism... read

              Okay, sadly, I asked you to not post any more poetry for 5 days.

              Originally posted by MalReynolds
              If your next thread has a poem in it and you post it before 5 days are up, I'm locking it. Crappy poetry /= literature.
              Thanks for reading. Wait a little longer.
              "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."

              "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


              My new novel:

              Maledictions: The Offering.

              Now in Paperback!

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