im your puppet no longer

Collapse
X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • imajrockette
    FFR Player
    • Apr 2007
    • 36

    #1

    im your puppet no longer

    Why do you feel the need to use her
    As your punching bag? She’s a human all
    The same, you left marks on her body which
    Screams out your name

    Scars foretold a story,An abusive boyfriend and
    A marked up girl, her life going in an endless
    Downward swirl.

    Everyone in school saw them as the
    Perfect couple to be but they
    Never knew that she felt so powerless,
    So weak

    Her friends never saw the marks, the tears she cried.
    She always hid her pain behind makeup and candy
    Coated lies.

    No one to turn to she felt all alone, her parents were
    druggies and she ran away from home.
    Her aunt was cruel, made the poor girl
    Cry even more, called her names ,even a whore

    To afraid to call for help, more pain she had to endure,
    School was even harder, she felt as if she couldn’t
    Take anymore.

    But she tried to stay strong and told herself
    That she belonged. She begged her boyfriend
    To try and get help but he did not go along.

    Little did she know he actually
    Took the advice, he didn’t want to
    Tell her because he thought it
    wasn’t right.

    The girl went back to her
    Aunts house and stayed in her
    Room, checked her email
    And thought she was doomed.
    The email read “I have to let you go”
    And she wondered why he didn’t say so.
    She was so hurt to know that the one
    She loved with all her heart didn’t
    love her back. So she ran to the bathroom
    Taking her blade with her, went through the medicine
    Cabinet and got some pills telling her aunt
    That she was ill.

    she knew that It was the end.
    he was the only person she had left
    to turn to But now she lost him.

    Filling the tub with Luke warm water,
    She stepped in and took a breath, she knew it was her
    End but how afraid she was of death. She carved his name into her arm and watched as the blood poured out the wound.

    It stung so much so she took pills to numb her soon.
    Drowned, mutilated, and overdosed, her soul was soon set free.
    Tortured no longer, in a better place. Heaven sent and heaven bound,
    her path to happiness would soon be found.




    well its better than my other poems..and it did take me a while to write so i hope it was at some point to some degree enjoyable. i would apreciate your feedback on my poem mean or nice but atleast back up your reason...thank you


    ▄▀ ♥◘ ▄▀ ♥◘ music is love▄▀ ♥◘
  • Tokzic
    FFR Player
    • May 2005
    • 6878

    #2
    Re: im your puppet no longer

    I'm really feeling the emotion in this one, but I think what you really need to convey your message is obvious: A murder curse.

    Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what

    Comment

    • JKPolk
      tool
      • Aug 2003
      • 3737

      #3
      Re: im your puppet no longer

      Murder curse really is the best way to get the anger and sadness out.

      Comment

      • CypherToorima
        Boss of all bosses
        • Jul 2003
        • 2452

        #4
        Re: im your puppet no longer

        Wait...she was sad her abusive boyfriend left her? Godamn that's retarded.

        also needs more murder curse, baby
        I'm a figantic gaggot

        Comment

        • -paexaea-
          ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
          • Apr 2007
          • 4610

          #5
          Re: im your puppet no longer

          Yeah, this poem needs more murder curse.
          See you, Space Cowboy.

          Comment

          • MalReynolds
            CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
            • Sep 2003
            • 6571

            #6
            Re: im your puppet no longer

            I was hoping there might be some kind of murder curse near the end, but it just never happened.
            "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."

            "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


            My new novel:

            Maledictions: The Offering.

            Now in Paperback!

            Comment

            • Verruckter
              FFR Player
              • Apr 2004
              • 2707

              #7
              Re: im your puppet no longer

              I think you guys have to see behind the lines, behind the words. This poem only screams one thing to me: Murder curse! Murder curse! Murder curse!
              Truth lies in loneliness, When hope is long gone by -Blind Guardian, The Soulforged
              Image removed for size violation.

              Comment

              • imajrockette
                FFR Player
                • Apr 2007
                • 36

                #8
                Re: im your puppet no longer

                Originally posted by CypherToorima
                Wait...she was sad her abusive boyfriend left her? Godamn that's retarded.

                also needs more murder curse, baby

                haha your a funny one.you thought the poem was reatrded? oh well maybe its becuase you did not understand my meaning.try reading it again and maybe you'll understand it better next time.if you dont then i can try to explain but its best figured out.

                anyway to everyone else i apprecite the feedback and murder curse stuff...well i think theres quite enough in it.like the person below me said.you did not quite understand my meaning.read it again and it may become clearer but still thanks


                ▄▀ ♥◘ ▄▀ ♥◘ music is love▄▀ ♥◘

                Comment

                • User6773

                  #9
                  Re: im your puppet no longer

                  It stung so much so she took pills to numb her soon.
                  Drowned, mutilated, and overdosed, her soul was soon set free.
                  Tortured no longer, in a better place. Heaven sent and heaven bound,
                  her path to happiness would soon be found.
                  I really think you should find another place to use "soon" in your last verse. It's just such a dynamic and strong word.

                  Comment

                  • Verruckter
                    FFR Player
                    • Apr 2004
                    • 2707

                    #10
                    Re: im your puppet no longer

                    Originally posted by chardish
                    I really think you should find another place to use "soon" in your last verse. It's just such a dynamic and strong word.
                    You forgot the murder curse.
                    Truth lies in loneliness, When hope is long gone by -Blind Guardian, The Soulforged
                    Image removed for size violation.

                    Comment

                    • robertsona
                      missa in h-moll
                      FFR Simfile Author
                      • Dec 2006
                      • 3997

                      #11
                      Re: im your puppet no longer

                      I think it needs a little more murder curse, to tell you the truth.

                      Comment

                      • Zythus
                        FFR Player
                        • Mar 2007
                        • 346

                        #12
                        Re: im your puppet no longer

                        A nice piece, in my opinion. But, nothing special.

                        I feel it has more potential being a story.
                        Last edited by Zythus; 04-10-2008, 04:00 PM.

                        Comment

                        • iPatcH
                          Swamp Lemons Rule
                          FFR Simfile Author
                          FFR Music Producer
                          • Dec 2004
                          • 3370

                          #13
                          Re: im your puppet no longer

                          I found more emotion in my cat's litter box than this poem sorry
                          put on a donk on it

                          Comment

                          • Grandiagod
                            FFR Player
                            • Jul 2004
                            • 6122

                            #14
                            Re: im your puppet no longer

                            Poetry is not,
                            Sentence fragments arranged in,
                            a silly way.

                            When will people ****ing learn,
                            that hitting the enter button,
                            in the middle of a sentence does not,
                            make a ****ing poem.
                            He who angers you conquers you. ~Elizabeth Kenny

                            Comment

                            • Verruckter
                              FFR Player
                              • Apr 2004
                              • 2707

                              #15
                              Re: im your puppet no longer

                              Originally posted by Grandiagod
                              Poetry is not,
                              Sentence fragments arranged in,
                              a silly way.

                              When will people ****ing learn,
                              that hitting the enter button,
                              in the middle of a sentence does not,
                              make a ****ing poem.
                              But
                              What about all those beautiful lines I wrote in this really nice poem
                              I
                              wrote. Seriously I don't
                              understand what you mean?
                              Truth lies in loneliness, When hope is long gone by -Blind Guardian, The Soulforged
                              Image removed for size violation.

                              Comment

                              Working...