im starting a thriller about...

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  • TC_=MaxXFreaK=
    FFR Player
    • Jun 2007
    • 230
    #1

    im starting a thriller about...

    an un-lucky boy named Eric Ronalds, heres a preview:
    He was cold.
    He was wet.
    He wondered how much longer he would have to wait.
    He was sitting on a ledge about 50 feet below the edge of the cliff.
    He yelled for help, and listened:nothing. But then there was something, a buzzing, like the wheels of a truck.
    Or the snow of an avalanch.
    What do you think?
    i cant make a whole update now, i need to do homework.

    92% of the teenage population has switched to rap.
    If you are the 8% who ROCKS,
    copy & paste this in your signature.
    lol:
    [br][br]
    Tags: None
    • ShastaTwist
      FFR Veteran
      • Sep 2004
      • 599
      #2
      Re: im starting a thriller about...

      ...

      The what?

      I don't know, uh... Doesn't tell me much of anything.

        Comment

        • korny
          It's Saint Pepsi bitch
          • May 2004
          • 4385
          #3
          Re: im starting a thriller about...

          Can't exactly say i'm intrigued by your little story yet.

            Comment

            • TC_=MaxXFreaK=
              FFR Player
              • Jun 2007
              • 230
              #4
              Re: im starting a thriller about...

              small update k:
              He heard it before he saw it.
              Eric Ronalds was an ordinary 14 year old who (used) to like skiing.
              He had friends, family and he went to a normal school.
              Just 1 thing about him was different. He had extraordinarily bad luck. This was not the first hobby that he had had a misfortunate accidant with.
              There was football,skateboarding, and lacrosse, to name a few.
              This was definately the worst accident he has had. The others were just broken bones and cuts and such.
              But this... this was bad.
              Very bad.
              This was an avalanch.
              He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, and thought to himself why didnt i do this earlier, and called his parents. They answered.
              "Hi son, Where are you?" his dad asked.
              "Dad, get help right away. Im sitting on a ledge of the cliff of the double black northern trail, the second left turn, and theres and avalanch coming. Call for help, bye." Beep. that was all he could say.
              As soon as he hung up the avalanch was almost on him. He hugged the ground, and the snow hit him.
              Hard.
              He was instantly pulled off the ledge and swept down to the ground. If the snow hadn't cushoned the fall he'd be dead.
              He blacked out after he hit the ground.
              there. rate 1 to 10 please ill update soon as i can1

              92% of the teenage population has switched to rap.
              If you are the 8% who ROCKS,
              copy & paste this in your signature.
              lol:
              [br][br]

                Comment

                • ShastaTwist
                  FFR Veteran
                  • Sep 2004
                  • 599
                  #5
                  Re: im starting a thriller about...

                  4.

                  Get better grammar, punctuation, and spelling, please. Run this through Word to catch most of your errors and then proofread. Also, the dialogue and the way he talks are unrealistic in that kind of situation.

                    Comment

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