my poem-i cant take this pain anymore

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • imajrockette
    FFR Player
    • Apr 2007
    • 36
    #1

    my poem-i cant take this pain anymore

    I hate him?I love him? I miss him?I?m so confused.
    I dont know what to think or what to do anymore.
    I made a mistake and opened a forbidden door.
    Behind that door were feelings that I kept dormant for the longest?feelings that I never wanted to show.
    It tore me apart piece by piece?. cant even sleep because all I can do is think...think about him being with her.
    About her being the only one he wants.I dont want him to forget about me.
    Im so hurt so deeply pained. I cant believe I fell for him what is it about him that I see what is it about him that makes it seem like he completes me?!
    I cant stand this pain, I wish I could just stand in the rain and let the tears pour down no one to ask me whats wrong no one around to see me frown
    I cant help but cry and ask god why...Why must I feel this pain? Why do I cry day and night just because of him?!
    every time a song comes on no matter which one it is I always want to cry. Thinking about him and asking myself over and over why?why did he have to go?I feel so incomplete with out him in my life?without him standing right here by my side.
    If this was love story then it would be about a girl who was hurt so deeply and she thinks she can never love anyone again?
    But this is real its my life and it hurts me deeply to know that I might not see him ever again.
    Im just a broken hearted girl and no one cares why.why Im so sad and why I always cry.
    I guess hes to good for me and I should own up to the fact that I?ll never be his everything?.
    Last edited by imajrockette; 08-20-2007, 03:59 PM.


    ▄▀ ♥◘ ▄▀ ♥◘ music is love▄▀ ♥◘
    Tags: None
    • Tokzic
      FFR Player
      • May 2005
      • 6878
      #2
      Re: my poem-i cant take this pain anymore

      oh dear god

      Okay, this never works, but I'm going to try explaining why this is really bad:

      1) These aren't poems. A poem is in lines, yes, but just taking prose and putting it into lines doesn't make it poetry. At the very least it needs to have format, or rhythm, or something that makes it regular instead of broken apart and inconsistant. Rhyme also tends to help.

      2) Your spelling and grammar are hideous. I don't even know where to begin for examples, almost half of it is wrong.

      3) You didn't "pour your heart" into these. These are clichee whiny teenager garbage and nobody enjoys reading them or feels any emotion eminating from them, and every single psuedo-writer your age writes a ****ty poem about love and they're always the same and don't use a single original metaphor or thought.

      Nobody reads these. If you're going to write, be original.

      Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what

        Comment

        • imajrockette
          FFR Player
          • Apr 2007
          • 36
          #3
          Re: my poem-i cant take this pain anymore

          i am being orginal!you dont have to be so mean when youre trying to give advice either.you can just tell me how to make it better then....

          i'll just take your advice...okay thnkz i guess but stop being such a a**hole when explaining it XP


          ▄▀ ♥◘ ▄▀ ♥◘ music is love▄▀ ♥◘

            Comment

            Previous template Next
            Working...