Mental's Poems

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  • Mental Mage
    FFR Player
    • Jul 2007
    • 111
    #1

    Mental's Poems

    Yes I know the word, just can't spell it to save my life. Anywho Ill try posting some of my "poetry" here since no one knows me here yay! This is more of an attempt at poetry than real stuff, and some of it is in the process of being turned into songs... I'm sorry in advance if I ever get in a band and somehow your ears are blighted with my banshee wails. Just thought I would throw that out there. Time for the humiliation:





    Dominoes
    Current mood: accomplished
    Category: Writing and Poetry



    Deserting common sense
    Desolate in my reasons
    Drowning in the river of you.
    Despite how I tried, how I cried
    Did you know theres no escape?
    Dying in my fears and doubts
    Doubts that plague my every move.
    Do you know that all I wish is that my
    Dark heart would learn what joy is.
    Down in the depths of my visage
    Dank water now shows my life
    Decaying and putrid
    Dealing with my sorrow
    Death knocks at my door,
    Doesn't he know I don't know him?
    Deep inside waiting for a signal, for a try.
    Different than you or I.
    Dredging up our secret hates
    Done with this life and suffering
    Drastic measures of my soul
    Duped once; save me again.
    Destroy his call, before I fall
    Don't let me listen though to his lies
    Damned and condemned is what I may be
    Declaring his victory we see your face
    Declining temptation with newfound hope
    Disgraced he turns and walks away
    Down to my level you pick me up
    Deriding my thoughts of hate
    Describing your love and why you
    Delve into my embrace.

    ________________________________________________________________


    Part of a new song.. not finished
    Current mood: cold
    Category: Music

    Your eyes draw me in again
    I don't know
    What to do
    You don't know
    What you want
    They don't know
    What I am
    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    Somethings wrong with this world
    Somethings wrong truth be told, I think its people like you
    My heart tries to sing, your breath my mind stings
    It longs for your touch, I cry way too much
    Your not worth this pain
    I'm sick of this game
    What the **** is wrong with me
    I'm not sure so Ill just sing
    release this agony I've put my self in
    to rid myself of all this anguish
    that is my current wish

    I Don't Know
    What to Do

    You don't know
    What you want
    They don't know
    What I am



    Rarely can I stop dreaming
    Rarely can I stop the feeling
    Pressed and crushed by my love
    On this cliff you gave a shove
    Now all is lost as I fall into the black.

    _______________________________________________________________



    My saviors.
    Current mood: grateful

    Smiles and giggles make it all worth my while
    To swallow my pride, my hatred and bile
    To make them laugh is what my life is for
    My friends and loves, from the jocks to the whores
    Anger and hate, jealousy and spite
    No longer must I try so dearly to fight.
    Thanks to these scars, my battles, my tears.
    Ive got better things, that I hold near.
    My life in a year has changed so much
    I couldn't change gears till they found the clutch
    As the old starts to flake away
    I find I have more to say
    No longer filled with lies and fear
    I make friends by just standing here.

    _________________________________________________________________



    SoS
    Current mood: crushed
    Category: Writing and Poetry

    When I scream no one cares
    They just keep running
    Humanity's visage is fair
    As our lives keep crumbling

    Fire consumes our hearts
    Burning passion lies underneath
    Ignored to play our assigned parts
    And live our lives with gritted teeth.

    Help, SoS, I'm drowning in myself.
    Trying to save me from the world
    Whose evil rises
    Polluting our minds
    With corrupted noises.
    If we stay like this
    All hope is lost.

    We're never truly happy
    Always wanting more
    Can't just accept simple favors
    We sit and keep score

    Always have to be ahead
    Always have to win
    Always have to be the best
    Thats how its always been.

    ... --- ...

    ... --- ...

    _______________________________________________________________





    Despair
    Current mood: calm
    Category: Writing and Poetry

    Despair overwhelming
    Lost once again
    Your face shines in the darkness
    God's grace fades the sin
    How and why
    Will never be known
    This I don't buy
    I'm ready to blow
    I hang on by a single thread,
    That not even you could break
    So go back with him, go back to bed
    I tried to save you, at least for your sake.
    And now that Ive failed I'm forced to move on
    Trailing these wounds, limping along this track
    I cant believe everything was a sham, a con.
    All I know now, is I want my money back.

    ______________________________________________________________




    Scraps of Poems
    Current mood: pensive
    Category: Writing and Poetry

    Somethings wrong inside of me
    Something no one else can see

    Somethings wrong inside of me
    Something no one else can see
    Something past my dark obsessions

    All I wanted was your love
    Stead on this cliff you gave a shove
    Now I slip and fade into Black

    Who and why will never be known
    This life I don't buy and I'm ready to blow.
    I question life and everything in it.
    Yet I feel something begin as I fall into the pit.
    _______________________________________________________

    As the door closes, it shows my darkened heart
    Also revealing the thing Ive got to an art
    With these black masks I can fool you all
    Pretending to be, who I think I should be under it all
    I pretend to think, I fake that I care
    And as my hearts oozing all you do is stare
    I loved you, I wish that I don't, it isn't fair
    Now to truly love again I wouldn't dare.
    _________________________________________________________
    Somethings crashing in my mind
    Pumping my head with caustic lies
    Death and pain gnaw on my soul
    Digging me a deeper hole.
    ____________________________________________________________
    He says he loves you , you know I do
    He says he cares for you, you know that I do
    Id do anything for you
    Somethings wrong when hes on plan 62
    All he wants is in your pants
    All I wanted was romance
    What did he ever do
    To prove his love for you
    At least you knew Id always be true
    Now excuse me while I scream till my face is blue.

    _______________________________________________________________


    Thats all of em. I love the first one, and I like My Saviors. But I think the rest suck. Have fun ravaging my poems.



    Fare thee well,
    <Mental>
    Last edited by Mental Mage; 08-18-2007, 09:57 AM.
    When in danger or in doubt; run in circles scream and shout

    "Do you want a bomb mental?" - Synthlight
    Tags: None
    • Mental Mage
      FFR Player
      • Jul 2007
      • 111
      #2
      Re: Hmm FFR, perfect place for the word that means no one knows who I am (I wat it is

      Thats depressing... (sorry for DP) but Synth was here. I saw him... :P, but no comments at all, not even a pm or wall post. I feel hurt :P. Oh well; although I do wish someone would say something :P... although this prob isn't most people here's cup of tea. Ill just have to bump this in the afternoon and see what happens there
      Last edited by Mental Mage; 08-18-2007, 01:36 AM. Reason: Im selfish and starved for attention
      When in danger or in doubt; run in circles scream and shout

      "Do you want a bomb mental?" - Synthlight

        Comment

        • GuidoHunter
          is against custom titles
          • Oct 2003
          • 7371
          #3
          Re: Hmm FFR, perfect place for the word that means no one knows who I am (I wat it is

          Or, alternatively, you could NOT break the rules and just let this thread die if nobody wants to discuss it.

          --Guido

          http://andy.mikee385.com

          Originally posted by Grandiagod
          Originally posted by Grandiagod
          She has an asshole, in other pics you can see a diaper taped to her dead twin's back.
          Sentences I thought I never would have to type.

            Comment

            • Mental Mage
              FFR Player
              • Jul 2007
              • 111
              #4
              Re: Hmm FFR, perfect place for the word that means no one knows who I am (I wat it is

              Originally posted by GuidoHunter
              Or, alternatively, you could NOT break the rules and just let this thread die if nobody wants to discuss it.

              --Guido

              http://andy.mikee385.com
              Yea but whats the fun in that :P, however you do bring up a valid pt. (I know this is off subject but I have a few questions for you... what is a Guido [sounds familiar] and two is there a way to edit the subject of this? or should I just delete this and start a diff one with one that doesn't make me sound mentally challenged?)


              One more thing.... Are you always on?! K I'm better now :P
              Last edited by Mental Mage; 08-18-2007, 02:23 AM. Reason: grammer
              When in danger or in doubt; run in circles scream and shout

              "Do you want a bomb mental?" - Synthlight

                Comment

                • ShastaTwist
                  FFR Veteran
                  • Sep 2004
                  • 599
                  #5
                  Re: Mental's Poems

                  To me, a lot of these poems were trying a little too hard. Or, rather, you were trying a little to hard with the poems to make rhymes fit. Alternatively, in the pieces that seemed like they should be songs, there were a bit too many rhymes. Maybe you should try a different rhyme scheme.

                  On the first poem, (I'll critique it because you "love" it), the last three lines of this piece are too long for the rest of it, especially the very last line. Also, the rhyming in this is very choppy and relatively unpredictable.

                    Comment

                    • Mental Mage
                      FFR Player
                      • Jul 2007
                      • 111
                      #6
                      Re: Mental's Poems

                      Originally posted by ShastaTwist
                      To me, a lot of these poems were trying a little too hard. Or, rather, you were trying a little to hard with the poems to make rhymes fit. Alternatively, in the pieces that seemed like they should be songs, there were a bit too many rhymes. Maybe you should try a different rhyme scheme.

                      On the first poem, (I'll critique it because you "love" it), the last three lines of this piece are too long for the rest of it, especially the very last line. Also, the rhyming in this is very choppy and relatively unpredictable.
                      Thanks Shasta. Yea I wrote these a while ago and although most of the poem flowed right out there were parts where I was indeed trying way too hard to come up with a rhyme. I realize that that the stupid last line of the first one is too long; however the D words didn't want to come anymore (Wrote this during a calm period in my life and before i finished it everything went to pot for awhile) so I tried to finish it the best I could.

                      Anyways thanks for taking the time to read these; I know the above comments seem like excuses but there more just reasons why they suck... if anyone has any small idea for a revision for any of the poems please post. I generally can take small changes and use them to make entirely new things/ the original better as a whole. Please and thank you.

                      Fare thee well,
                      <Mental>
                      When in danger or in doubt; run in circles scream and shout

                      "Do you want a bomb mental?" - Synthlight

                        Comment

                        • ddr_man94
                          FFR Player
                          • Jun 2007
                          • 62
                          #7
                          Re: Mental's Poems

                          Those are pretty good
                          <('_')> Beat Me,You Can Not

                            Comment

                            • Mental Mage
                              FFR Player
                              • Jul 2007
                              • 111
                              #8
                              Re: Mental's Poems

                              Originally posted by ddr_man94
                              Those are pretty good
                              Not to be mean or anything but could you possibly critique or say something about them? Rather than a non committal answer :P. Sorry I just kinda posted them here so they would get torn apart and I could take the scraps back and fix em up elsewhere. Hell what better place than somewhere no one knows you XD.
                              When in danger or in doubt; run in circles scream and shout

                              "Do you want a bomb mental?" - Synthlight

                                Comment

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