An Old Poem by MotF

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  • Master_of_the_Faster
    FFR Player
    • Aug 2006
    • 255
    #1

    An Old Poem by MotF

    I wrote this poem a long time ago and feel like sharing it with everyone. It doesn't seem to really have any type of scheme though.

    Why Would a Place Like Hell Be Better Than Heaven (if they exist)?

    People say that a place like heaven is better than hell,
    but I say that their hell is my heaven without being cursed by a spell
    Some people who pray to heaven are the ones who encourage that you fight, kill, and/or have profound rituals irrelevant to a true paradise,
    but they say that other people who do this go to hell without surprise.
    If heaven is supposed to be good and that it over powers hell, tell me why most people who pray to heaven argue or fight with others?
    It is simple, the people in heaven are both brothers and enemies
    So if they fight in heaven too, then I will relax in hell by any means.
    Last edited by Master_of_the_Faster; 06-11-2007, 04:32 PM.
    Tags: None
    • Wintergreen
      gamehussy
      • Dec 2006
      • 64
      #2
      Re: An Old Poem by MotF

      This is not a poem. This is a journal entry.
      Life is short. Eat dessert first! - Jacques Torres

        Comment

        • andy-o24
          Married Man
          • May 2006
          • 1525
          #3
          Re: An Old Poem by MotF

          Well said Winter. I thought I heard one rhyme in there though. "Hell" and "Spell" at the ends of the first two lines. Besides that no rhyme really, although poems don't have to. But, yeah, Wintergreen said it, more of a journal entry.
          Originally posted by hi19hi19
          Best strat: enjoy the game, play what you feel like when you feel like it. Don't think about what you are doing or why, enjoy the gameplay, the artistry behind the stepfile, and enjoy the music.

          When the game isn't fun for you anymore, take a break. It's not a job, nobody here is professional and getting paid to play and force themselves to constantly improve... it's a game.

          Originally posted by Shashakiro
          Yeah, FFR is addicting...I don't think I'll get bored with this game unless I somehow become the best at it, which won't happen.

            Comment

            • mead1
              Cerebellumberjack
              FFR Simfile Author
              • Aug 2003
              • 3960
              #4
              Re: An Old Poem by MotF

              There's jumbled half-rhymes all throughout the poem. I won't harp on that, it can be done well, just not here.

              There are a few huge problems with this poem, however. Firstly, the title. It's long. It questions itself. Shorten it. Remove the parentheses. Next, throw out the whole poem and rewrite it. Seriously. It doesn't answer the question asked by the title, so it's failed whatever you set out for it to accomplish. The point you were probably trying to make isn't subtle at all, you beat the reader over the head with it, but it's a totally different point then the title makes.

                Comment

                • ShastaTwist
                  FFR Veteran
                  • Sep 2004
                  • 599
                  #5
                  Re: An Old Poem by MotF

                  This "poem" reminds me of the Songs of Innocence and the Songs of Experience.

                  Except poorly written.

                  Your lines are way too long for this to have any actual flow.

                    Comment

                    • alainbryden
                      Seen your member
                      FFR Simfile Author
                      • Dec 2003
                      • 2873
                      #6
                      Re: An Old Poem by MotF

                      Lacks pentameter and the meaning is compromised in an attempt to create a rhyming scheme.

                      *Edit* But to be constructive, the last line is catchy and the concept is appreciated
                      Last edited by alainbryden; 06-20-2007, 03:23 PM.
                      ~NEIGH

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