Oh, for the love of mornings!

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  • la
    FFR Player
    • Sep 2006
    • 25

    #1

    Oh, for the love of mornings!

    This isn't really anything, but I'd like to think it's Literature. This was very much just a random thought I followed.
    ----

    A sticky sweet veil layered my face as I walked, crusty eyed and heavy lidded, from my nest- my peace. I attacked my very own obnoxious, mechanical rooster, taking vengeance on it's horrible, cawing pulse. Unenthusiastic, unmotivated, undead, I slammed the bedroom door open; the battery acid in my mouth churned. My limp hair spewed out in random angles: a haystack in tornado alley. The sky was dark, and cast gloomy half light over the ground. Shadows danced before me, tempting me into their secure dark with promises of rest. Halfheartedly, I flicked on the bathroom light, destroying the shadows but not my exhaustion. I gazed blankly at my self in the finger print covered mirror, mounted on stark white walls.

    Oh, how I love mornings!
    Last edited by la; 05-3-2007, 04:59 PM.
  • Izzy-chandess
    FFR Player
    • Jan 2007
    • 136

    #2
    Re: Oh, for the love of mornings!

    If it won't offend you, I have a couple of suggestions to make. I've tried for years to write my novel but, somehow, after around 60 or 70 pages, I run out of steam! ^.^'

    For random, it's good... Just don't over-use the metaphors. It kinda makes it confusing for readers... >.<

    Still, and intriguing piece! ^-^
    sigpic

    The world has gone crazy and so have I.

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    • Wintergreen
      gamehussy
      • Dec 2006
      • 64

      #3
      Re: Oh, for the love of mornings!

      It's too cluttered.

      I don't think you pulled off the sarcasm.
      Life is short. Eat dessert first! - Jacques Torres

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