My crappy Poem

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  • SecrettAgentMan
    FFR Player
    • May 2004
    • 1
    #1

    My crappy Poem

    Sitting at the dinner table
    Finishing my dish
    I feel i've had all that i want
    and all for which i could wish.
    I hear a noise, so quiet
    from where I do not know.
    I hear it once more, it's from my belly
    Oh crap! I've got to go.
    I run to the bathroom as fast as i can
    and pull my trousers down.
    I find myself on my throne
    all I need now is a crown.
    With my butt on the seat and hands in fists
    i start to go to work.
    I try so hard and push so much
    I nearly go beserk.
    I'm in so much pain
    and there's more sounds from my gut
    I feel like I am giving birth
    to a child from my butt.
    I whine, I moan, I yell,
    I thrash about
    "You stupid brown butt-chocolate!
    Please, oh, please get out"
    I let the boulder drop on down,
    I let it slip and slide
    I feel the cold, cool water
    splashing on my backside.
    I feel relieved and glad
    to be through this time of hell
    I take a breath, first out then in
    "What is that gracious smell?
    Is it the soap? Is it the shower?"
    I stop, then, to regroup.
    Then I realized that that beautiful smell
    was actually from my poop!
    I turned to see my work of art
    and stick my hand right in.
    I take my dookie in my palm
    and slowly start to grin.
    It's now getting late
    so I take my poo to bed
    I tuck her in, under the covers
    and kiss her on the head.
    My doo doo and I are married now
    we have a great life and we love it
    If you think a man can't love a turd
    Then you can just shove it.


    It's my first, so go easy on me!
    Tags: None
    • PoeTa
      FFR Player
      • Oct 2006
      • 53
      #2
      Re: My crappy Poem

      It's funny imo. Sounds like a bad case of constipation however. =/

        Comment

        • FoJaR
          The Worst
          • Nov 2005
          • 2816
          #3
          Re: My crappy Poem

          horrible meter, horrible choice in rhymes, horrible topic

          [/simon]

            Comment

            • ShastaTwist
              FFR Veteran
              • Sep 2004
              • 599
              #4
              Re: My crappy Poem

              It rhymed well until the very end.

              ):

                Comment

                • wickedawesomeful
                  Carls, Girls, & Drugs
                  FFR Music Producer
                  • Dec 2006
                  • 3888
                  #5
                  Re: My crappy Poem

                  It reminded me of badly written Dr. Seuss.
                  http://dozemusic.com/

                    Comment

                    • FoJaR
                      The Worst
                      • Nov 2005
                      • 2816
                      #6
                      Re: My crappy Poem

                      Originally posted by ShastaTwist
                      It rhymed well until the very end.

                      ):
                      just because words can be rhymed, doesnt mean they should be.

                        Comment

                        • Ice wolf
                          FFR Player
                          • Feb 2007
                          • 852
                          #7
                          Re: My crappy Poem

                          I didn't like how some lines had a lot of syllables and some didn't. It made the poem akward to say, but it was still funny.
                          Reverse for life!




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                            Comment

                            • meiloyn
                              FFR Player
                              • Feb 2007
                              • 291
                              #8
                              Re: My crappy Poem

                              The poem's rhythm is awkward, but it's... okay.

                              Personally don't like the topic, but it's your poem.
                              My little corner of Local Reality Quotes:

                              Zack: Okay, I've got tampons, a Venus razor, now to stop at Victoria's secret.
                              Joe: Uh, I think you're taking this joke a little too far. Seriously. I can understand going off to buy a bra, but TAMPONS? You're starting to kill the joke. And do I really have to come with you?
                              Zack: Shut up. It's funny.
                              Last edited by Meiloyn : Today at 06:09 PM. Reason: Removed NSFW content

                                Comment

                                • Wintergreen
                                  gamehussy
                                  • Dec 2006
                                  • 64
                                  #9
                                  Re: My crappy Poem

                                  I agree with FoJaR. There's a lot more to poetry than rhyme, rhythm, and meter. (especially rhyme) Something that rhymes may qualify as poetry, but not as good poetry on that alone.

                                  There once was a mouse
                                  that lived in a house.

                                  ...NO!

                                  Think before you rhyme! Don't force it; it may take more thought, and you'll usually have to edit and rework lines, but try to make the rhymes flow naturally with the poem.

                                  This poem was okay for a first try, but I have reservations on the topic. I was laughing at first, but then it started grossing me out, and by the end, I was entirely turned off. Poems can be written just for the point of humor; they can be entirely nonsensical, but there is a fine line between deliberate nonsense and not making sense, without any redeeming merit. Never write just to take up space. Every word should have purpose and meaning, if only to you alone.

                                  I'll give you a thumbs up for a first try. One's first poem is rarely good, and never great, so don't despair; just keep writing. (it gets easier with practice)
                                  Life is short. Eat dessert first! - Jacques Torres

                                    Comment

                                    • TR_Tyler
                                      FFR Player
                                      • Jan 2007
                                      • 75
                                      #10
                                      Re: My crappy Poem

                                      why did u post it if u knew it was crappy unless you meant crappy because of all the poop in it..

                                      anyway i lold a bit


                                        Comment

                                        • andy-o24
                                          Married Man
                                          • May 2006
                                          • 1525
                                          #11
                                          Re: My crappy Poem

                                          OMFG, sorry if this sounds harsh or anything, but that was hillarious. I was laughing for 1 minute straight. As a first poem the rhymeing was pretty good, but the subject was a bit awkward. Find a subject away from body waste to write poetry about. Again as said poetry doesn't have to ryhme, it just has to flow well and be meaningful. Keep trying, you'll keep getting better.
                                          Originally posted by hi19hi19
                                          Best strat: enjoy the game, play what you feel like when you feel like it. Don't think about what you are doing or why, enjoy the gameplay, the artistry behind the stepfile, and enjoy the music.

                                          When the game isn't fun for you anymore, take a break. It's not a job, nobody here is professional and getting paid to play and force themselves to constantly improve... it's a game.

                                          Originally posted by Shashakiro
                                          Yeah, FFR is addicting...I don't think I'll get bored with this game unless I somehow become the best at it, which won't happen.

                                            Comment

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