For the lazy: critique my poem, tell me what you think it is about.
For the industrious: So, I'm taking a creative writing course in college and right now we are on the subject of poems, so here is a poem I wrote. Now, we already had a workshop in which we discussed each other's poems, and my criticism was that my poem was too ambiguous. Despite my reluctance to revise my poem, I will to meet the assignment guildlines. But first I have decided to see what you think. However, I am not going to tell you the guidlines, I want to see your unbiased viewpoint.
PS. You have one night for me to take you criticism into account. After that, I have to turn it in.
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J a c k n u g g e t e d
A torrent of acid floods the highways and byways that branch out every which way to greet the very essence of my being on the cellular level in a reflexive rhythmic pitter-patter that flutters as my eyes dart amongst the various hues of pigment that form the all too familiar, slightly out of focus, smiling faces of that which we used to be, stepping gaily and without hesitation, tittering on a threshold of pain, oblivious to that which lie patiently, coiled up, directly in front of us, veiled in dew saturated grass, waiting to sink its teeth and inject its poison into the purest of flesh until it rots off and falls from the bone in a putrid mucus-like concoction that splatters as it hits the floor, like a diseased flower in full bloom ready to unleash its tainted pollen on the world.
And to think, one snip from a rusty pair of scissors could crop out a painful past.
If only it were that easy to amputate the source of so much grief.
But I wouldn’t have in any other way.
A friendly reminder of the weight of words.
For the industrious: So, I'm taking a creative writing course in college and right now we are on the subject of poems, so here is a poem I wrote. Now, we already had a workshop in which we discussed each other's poems, and my criticism was that my poem was too ambiguous. Despite my reluctance to revise my poem, I will to meet the assignment guildlines. But first I have decided to see what you think. However, I am not going to tell you the guidlines, I want to see your unbiased viewpoint.
PS. You have one night for me to take you criticism into account. After that, I have to turn it in.
------
J a c k n u g g e t e d
A torrent of acid floods the highways and byways that branch out every which way to greet the very essence of my being on the cellular level in a reflexive rhythmic pitter-patter that flutters as my eyes dart amongst the various hues of pigment that form the all too familiar, slightly out of focus, smiling faces of that which we used to be, stepping gaily and without hesitation, tittering on a threshold of pain, oblivious to that which lie patiently, coiled up, directly in front of us, veiled in dew saturated grass, waiting to sink its teeth and inject its poison into the purest of flesh until it rots off and falls from the bone in a putrid mucus-like concoction that splatters as it hits the floor, like a diseased flower in full bloom ready to unleash its tainted pollen on the world.
And to think, one snip from a rusty pair of scissors could crop out a painful past.
If only it were that easy to amputate the source of so much grief.
But I wouldn’t have in any other way.
A friendly reminder of the weight of words.
, just my input :P
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