Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

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  • Chromer
    Hookers and Blow
    • Jul 2003
    • 4981

    #1

    Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

    Ok, after a long hiatus, here's a little short story to keep things fresh until I get to work on Death and I or another project.


    Never Say Forever

    The Boy and The Call

    The two teenagers scrambled over the fence that linked New Crest to the South Haven side. They landed on thier knees and took off running towards an abandoned building near the fence. The loud Whup-Whup of the helicopter's blades begun to pick up momentum as they ran inside the front door.

    The building was decrepit from the teens' point of view as they saw trash, broken furniture, and other varying degrees of filth in the building. The two ran towards the staircase and continued to run up the staircase as they noticed it had more than one floor. The sounds of the helicopter were now almost near the actual building itself. The two teens came to the top floor of the building and began to look for apartment doors that were unlocked. The first teen found a door numbered "403" and busted inside with a shoulder hit. The door flew open and the two teens ran inside an apartment with a plaid couch and a busted television in the living room, and just a table in the kitchen. The teens checked the bedroom to find a dresser full of women's and men's clothing and a king sized bed. Despite the obvious trash and decrepit state of the apartment, it wasn't quite bad. One teen sat down on the couch, while the other sat on the busted television.

    The sounds of the helicopter made the teens tense up for a moment but quickly faded into the night. The teens breathed a sigh of relief. For now.

    "Jamie, what are we going to do?" asked the boy sitting on the couch.

    Jamie looked out of the window to her left with a look of weariness.

    "I don't know. I broke you out of the Cyclen Research Facility for some reason. Why? I couldn't really tell you."

    "Well it had to be a reason," started the boy. "It's not everyday, girls break into a government facility to steal their subjects."

    Jamie looked at the boy with a look of desperation.

    "I don't know! God! What do you want me to tell you? Look, I was walking to my friend's house when I blacked out. The next thing I know, I'm carrying you out of some building and alarms are going off. I'm tired and I want to go home."

    Jamie then sat on the side of the couch opposite of the boy and laid down. The boy sat up and took her hand.

    "Look, I'm sorry for asking you so many questions but you must know that what you did will have serious consequences."

    Jamie sat up and gave the boy a look of stupidity.

    "Of course it will! I realized that the moment I woke up carrying you out of the building."

    "Jamie, I am a test subject for Cyclen's Child Prodigy Project. Cyclen was recruiting teenagers and young adults with high Giga Nucleic Acid in their systems and turning them into God know what. Some people gained powers such as fast regeneration of the body. Some even got increased strength, stamina, and speed or even have the ability to move things with their minds. Others turned into mutated monsters and were eliminated. Actually all were eliminated. Had it not been for you, I would have been the next one they gave a lethal injection to."

    Jamie cringed at the last sentence. How was it that a government funded company performing illegal experimentation on teens and getting away with it? Jamie sat up and looked at the boy.

    "Why the whole GNA thing though?"

    The boy sat back and scratched his chin.

    "Well, DNA is the chemical makeup of one identity. GNA is the chemical makeup of one's spiritual or metaphysical identity. A person posessing a high amount of GNA in their body is considered a valuable find. With the right training, a high count GNA person could use that energy for good or evil. I'd think Cyclen is using that energy for evil," finished the boy.

    Jamie stood up and thought about this revelation.

    "We have to get out of here. I think it would be wise to go to my house. I just finished high school and I'm living by myself. Nothing suspicious about a guy living with me right?" asked Jamie looking at the boy.

    The boy shook his head.

    "No, going to your place is the last thing you want to do. Cyclen will very much have people set up around your house or any other places you frequent. They are government sponsored and you stole something very valuable to them: me. They will do everything they can to track you down and find me; even kill you."

    "Then we're sunk for now?" asked Jamie hoping the boy would say no.

    The boy nodded.

    "Damn. That's just great," said Jamie as she sunk into the couch.

    Immediately, the two heard a squeak. Both of them stood up and lifted the cushion off of the couch. Jamie and the boy looked into a nest of rats who were sleeping in the couch. Jamie walked off into the kitchen and threw up in the sink. The boy put the cushion back on the couch in disgust. Then he walked into the kitchen and held Jamie's hair back as she continued to throw up.

    "Thanks," she said groggily as she wiped her mouth with a paper towel from a roll in the kitchen.

    Suddenly, a phone began to ring. Jamie and the boy looked at each other with fear. Who could be calling the apartment now?

    Jamie and the boy looked at the wall behind them to see a telephone hanging. The phone rang again. Jamie looked at the boy.

    "Should we answer it? It could be Cyclen planning a trap!" said Jamie worried.

    The boy walked towards the telephone and put a finger to his mouth;quiet.

    "Hello?" said the boy as he answered the phone.

    "Hello? Is this the subject from Cyclen and the girl who helped him escape?" saked a voice that sounded both scared and confident at the same time.

    The boy put the phone between him and Jamie because the voice was talking so loud, they both could hear it.

    "Yes, this is us. Who are you?" asked Jamie.

    "I am a friend to you. That's all that you need to know at the moment. I have urgent news. After this afternoon's breakout by your little friend, Cyclen has declared the city of Jaroquai under martial law. Anyone caught on the street after 9:00 PM will be brought in to Cyclen. Anyone matching your description will be taken into Cyclen. But that's not the worst news of all," started the voice as a series of static beeps began to emit from the receiver.

    "Speak up! We can't hear you!" said the boy almost yelling at the receiver.

    "Can't....speak! Cyclen has.... Breakers! Meet me... 7th Street...West Hamlin...tomorrow! Password is.... Mind's Eye!"

    Then the phone went dead and the only thing Jamie and the boy could hear was an operator.

    "Well, what the hell are Breakers and what is with that password?" asked Jamie.

    The boy sat down at the kitchen table and put his hands in his face.

    "The Breakers are an army of soldiers with high GNA and the ability and permission to use that energy to "break" minds. They usually make people kill themselves for pleasure. With Cyclen using them as a police force, thing could get very dangerous from here on out," finished the boy.

    "Ok so what's with that password? Mind's Eye? How the hell is that supposed to help us?" asked Jamie.

    "I really don't know. Our best bet is to get some sleep, try to disguise ourselves tomorrow morning and head towards West Hamlin and contact this person."

    Jamie stood up and walked towards the bedroom.

    "Well, I guess we better catch some shut-eye before tomorrow huh?" asked Jamie as she walked down the hall.

    The boy stood up and called out to her.

    "Where am I going to sleep? I can't sleep on a couch of rats you know."

    "Well, if you promise to keep you hands to yourself, you can sleep in the bed with me. I must warn you, I'm known to kick and snore alot."

    The boy laughed and walked down the hall. Jamie was standing in a pair of men's boxers and a long white shirt.

    "I found them in the dressers. Maybe if we fix this place up, this could become our base of operation," said Jamie giggling.

    The boy only smiled and took off his black short sleeved shirt and shoes. Then he got into bed, only to remove the covers in ten seconds.

    "I hope you haven't forgotten our deal," started Jamie. "It may be the middle of June, but heat won't drive men to the point of rape."

    "I'm not that desperate of a guy to do such a thing. Besides you look too young for me anyways," said the boy.

    "Pssh. I'm 18 and perfectly legal thank you. How old are you? 16? 17?" asked Jamie.

    I'm 19 for your information. I just have a young looking face," answered the boy.

    Jamie slid into bed on the right side and faced the boy. The boy turned and did the same.

    "What is your name?" asked Jamie as she closed her eyes.

    "I'm not sure. I can't remember much. I think it was Stephen, but I can't be sure," said Stephen as he closed his eyes.

    Jamie yawned.

    "Well Stephen, good night."

    Stephen smiled.

    "Good night, kiddo."

    End of Chapter One
    Last edited by Chromer; 03-29-2006, 09:44 AM.
  • esupin
    FFR Player
    • Nov 2003
    • 1756

    #2
    Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

    There are some problems with the beginning part grammatically:

    The building was decrepit by seeing trash, broken furniture, and other varying degrees of filth in the building. The two ran towards the staircase and continued to run up it. The sounds of the helicopter were now almostnear them[you could probably get rid of almost here]. The two teens ran down a long hall full of doors[I don't like the description here. A hall full of doors...]

    The rest is good, though.

    PS- it's martial law. As in the Sammo Hung TV show.

    http://www.youtube.com/esupin

    Comment

    • Chromer
      Hookers and Blow
      • Jul 2003
      • 4981

      #3
      Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

      Edited. =/

      Comment

      • FoJaR
        The Worst
        • Nov 2005
        • 2816

        #4
        Re: Never Say Forever: The Journey to the Bridge

        Originally posted by Chromer
        Ok, after a long hiatus, here's a little short story to keep things fresh until I get to work on Death and I or another project.


        Never Say Forever

        The Boy and The Call

        The two teenagers scrambled over the fence that linked New Crest to the South Haven side. They landed on thier knees and took off running towards an abandoned building near the fence.
        too much fence.

        The loud Whup-Whup of the helicopter's blades begun to pick up momentum
        your subject in that last sentence is the "whup-whup"... sounds cannot pick up momentum. but that would have been a stupid sounding sentence even if it were factually accurate.

        as they ran inside the front door.

        The building was decrepit from the teens' point of view as they saw trash, broken furniture, and other varying degrees of filth in the building.
        "as they saw" doesnt work there. the whole thing sounds bad though.

        The two ran towards the staircase and continued to run up the staircase as they noticed it had more than one floor. The sounds of the helicopter were now almost near the actual building itself.
        REALLY??? THE ACTUAL BUILDING??? NOT A HOLOGRAM???

        The two teens
        i'm tired of hearing about "the two" or "the two teens". it sounds like the start of some kind of pre-pubescent romance novel.

        came to the top floor of the building and began to look for apartment doors that were unlocked. The first teen found a door numbered "403" and busted inside with a shoulder hit.
        last sentence doesnt sound good at all.

        The door flew open and the two teens ran inside an apartment with a plaid couch and a busted television in the living room, and just a table in the kitchen. The teens checked the bedroom to find a dresser full of women's and men's clothing and a king sized bed.
        L-O-L.

        Despite the obvious trash and decrepit
        find a new word.

        state of the apartment, it wasn't quite bad.
        quite is not the right word.

        One teen sat down on the couch, while the other sat on the busted television.
        so they sit down and relax while the helicopter is outside. well why the hell not, the helicopter cant get into a building. I MEAN ****, THEY MIGHT AS WELL THROW A TEA PARTY.

        The sounds of the helicopter made the teens tense up for a moment but quickly faded into the night. The teens breathed a sigh of relief. For now.
        if you're going to use their names at all, do it from the start. it's not mysterious to use "the teens" over and over, it's just annoying.

        "Jamie, what are we going to do?" asked the boy sitting on the couch.

        Jamie looked out of the window to her left with a look of weariness.
        lol. she looked with a look of weariness. i'll throw a dog a bone. "she looked out of the window to her left with a weary mien." look, an obscure word! you can seem smart now!!! quick, show all of your friends!

        "I don't know. I broke you out of the Cyclen Research Facility for some reason. Why? I couldn't really tell you."
        that.is.the.dumbest.thing.i've.ever.heard.

        "Well it had to be a reason," started the boy. "It's not everyday, girls break into a government facility to steal their subjects."
        it had? "there had," maybe?

        Jamie looked at the boy with a look of desperation.
        dont use mien here, but you do need to change that. if you use the looked/look thing twice, nobody will be able to take you seriously.



        sorry i couldnt get through it all.

        chromer, you have no sense of "the write word"... hell, you dont even come close.

        reading what you write is an excersize of will. it's like wading through a swamp with leeches to save a drowning child. you are that drowning child, or maybe you're the water that's drowning the child, or maybe you're the leeches.

        please, chromer, please stop.

        Comment

        • Chromer
          Hookers and Blow
          • Jul 2003
          • 4981

          #5
          Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

          Fojar, I love how you come in and "try" to make yourself seem so intelligent by bashing my writings. I never see you do it to anyone else and I've still yet see you write anything so uhh yeah. You have been ignored. Have a nice day.

          Comment

          • Benny1
            FFR Player
            • Sep 2003
            • 1147

            #6
            Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

            Well FoJar, I might take you seriously if you spelled exercise right, and if you actually maybe read over what YOU wrote.

            Comment

            • esupin
              FFR Player
              • Nov 2003
              • 1756

              #7
              Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

              What FoJar says is true in a way, it's just his way of saying it. I mean, most of the things he pointed out I would agree with.

              http://www.youtube.com/esupin

              Comment

              • FoJaR
                The Worst
                • Nov 2005
                • 2816

                #8
                Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

                spelling mistakes happen... especially when i have 30 seconds to post before my time in the internet cafe runs out... you'll notice that i never harass people for spelling mistakes.

                peace from kiev.

                fojar

                Comment

                • Reach
                  FFR Simfile Author
                  FFR Simfile Author
                  • Jun 2003
                  • 7471

                  #9
                  Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

                  Fojar is right though. Seriously, if you're going to post it, people are going to critique it, and if there are things they don't like they're going to post them. Fojar just isn't very nice about it. Learn to deal with it and learn from the mistakes you made, since he clearly pointed out real mistakes.

                  "The two ran towards the staircase and continued to run up the staircase as they noticed it had more than one floor. The sounds of the helicopter were now almost near the actual building itself. "

                  Best line of the piece. XD
                  Last edited by Reach; 04-5-2006, 07:13 PM.

                  Comment

                  • Chromer
                    Hookers and Blow
                    • Jul 2003
                    • 4981

                    #10
                    Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

                    reading what you write is an excersize of will. it's like wading through a swamp with leeches to save a drowning child. you are that drowning child, or maybe you're the water that's drowning the child, or maybe you're the leeches.

                    please, chromer, please stop.
                    I don't need that kind of bs after all he typed. How is that constructive? It's not, and that's the problem I have with Fojar's holier-than-thou attitude.

                    Comment

                    • FoJaR
                      The Worst
                      • Nov 2005
                      • 2816

                      #11
                      Re: Never Say Forever: The Boy and The Call

                      it wasnt constructive. when i tried to be constructive, all you did was say that i was stupid and wrong, because i hadnt been on ffr as long as you, and i hadnt posted any of my own writings.

                      i've given up on you, chromer. like an egg-sucking dog, there is no hope for you.

                      Comment

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