Born on a planet far away, under the parents of an immortal God and an immortal Goddess, high atop a mountain adorned by Mana and delight was Incredilad. His father and mother were perfect beings, incapable of flaws, loved by every one and every thing. There was no poison coursing through Incredilad's veins, for he too was perfect.
His parents, in their ultimate wisdom, sitting high atop that mountain, watched Earth fight, in turmoil over little things. Wars were being fought and it struck sadness into the heart of the great Goddess and God, who finally decided that the best course of action for the redemption of the Earth was to send Incredilad in to help fight off all evils.
And so he flew to Earth, through space, not needing a space suit because he was awesome. He landed, creating a crater that overflowed with green awesomeness and kryptonite. He ate the kryptonite when he landed because he was hungry, and also to show that he would not be subdued by a little green rock. Later that week, he ate Superman, because Superman is a pussy, and then Incredilad had sex with Lois Lane. It killed her, but Incredilad was awesome.
He was living the high life on Earth, flying around, having sex with things and eating other things as he pleased when he received a letter from his parents, reminding him that he was there to stop all the turmoil, and that also, he should stop eating people because that was really frowned upon.
Incredilad took to the skies, saving planes from falling. If things looked bad, if there were multiple planes about to crash, he would freeze time and save them both. He took to the streets, using his super speed to knock out enemies, return purses, and kiss (not eat) babies for local photographers.
He flew through the roof of the bank, stopping the robbery and throwing the men in jail. Jails were beginning to overflow, so Incredilad built more. He also started an excellent release program for rehabilitating prisoners. He was the sole committee member on the board of parolees: His judgment infallible. If a prisoner was beyond rehabilitation, Incredilad would just eat him...
Another reason he was the sole member was that he also looked better than everyone else in a suit. And a dress.
People cheered, and they were happy. Life went on, without fear of danger, and people began to realize how good they had it. Incredilad sat in his office, reviewing parole orders, watching cameras and stopping out to fight the occasional crime.
People began to get bored. They started to uniformly practice civil unrest in the form of grumbling at water coolers about how boring life had become. Incredilad was none the wiser, stopping crimes and reveling in the fact that he was doing something good for the Earth.
One day, he flew through the roof of a bank, again, to stop another robbery. This was odd because there hadn't been any bank robberies in a really, really long time, mainly because if Incredilad was very busy, he would just eat the robbers.
He threw the robbers into the back of the paddy wagon, checking his watch. He had time to revel in the public eye, and so he did, walking back into the bank.
But no one applauded. No one cheered. Everyone was sad.
"Incredilad," an old black lady called from the back, "Thank you for your help... Really... But life is just so boring now."
There was a general feeling of agreement that shifted through the crowd. Incredilad frowned.
"It's not that we don't like you," she began.
"I don't like you," a voice called from the back. Others cheered. Incredilad frowned again.
"Well, alright, we don't like you," the old lady said.
Incredilad held his hand out, walking east until he reached the shore. Sunbathers were the only witnesses to see him disappear. He turned, slowly, and looked back at the land that he was so bent on saving, before walking into the waves and never returning...
For although he had no visible weakness, he did have one.
Rejection.
It should also be noted that the fish never rejected his efforts.
Mal
His parents, in their ultimate wisdom, sitting high atop that mountain, watched Earth fight, in turmoil over little things. Wars were being fought and it struck sadness into the heart of the great Goddess and God, who finally decided that the best course of action for the redemption of the Earth was to send Incredilad in to help fight off all evils.
And so he flew to Earth, through space, not needing a space suit because he was awesome. He landed, creating a crater that overflowed with green awesomeness and kryptonite. He ate the kryptonite when he landed because he was hungry, and also to show that he would not be subdued by a little green rock. Later that week, he ate Superman, because Superman is a pussy, and then Incredilad had sex with Lois Lane. It killed her, but Incredilad was awesome.
He was living the high life on Earth, flying around, having sex with things and eating other things as he pleased when he received a letter from his parents, reminding him that he was there to stop all the turmoil, and that also, he should stop eating people because that was really frowned upon.
Incredilad took to the skies, saving planes from falling. If things looked bad, if there were multiple planes about to crash, he would freeze time and save them both. He took to the streets, using his super speed to knock out enemies, return purses, and kiss (not eat) babies for local photographers.
He flew through the roof of the bank, stopping the robbery and throwing the men in jail. Jails were beginning to overflow, so Incredilad built more. He also started an excellent release program for rehabilitating prisoners. He was the sole committee member on the board of parolees: His judgment infallible. If a prisoner was beyond rehabilitation, Incredilad would just eat him...
Another reason he was the sole member was that he also looked better than everyone else in a suit. And a dress.
People cheered, and they were happy. Life went on, without fear of danger, and people began to realize how good they had it. Incredilad sat in his office, reviewing parole orders, watching cameras and stopping out to fight the occasional crime.
People began to get bored. They started to uniformly practice civil unrest in the form of grumbling at water coolers about how boring life had become. Incredilad was none the wiser, stopping crimes and reveling in the fact that he was doing something good for the Earth.
One day, he flew through the roof of a bank, again, to stop another robbery. This was odd because there hadn't been any bank robberies in a really, really long time, mainly because if Incredilad was very busy, he would just eat the robbers.
He threw the robbers into the back of the paddy wagon, checking his watch. He had time to revel in the public eye, and so he did, walking back into the bank.
But no one applauded. No one cheered. Everyone was sad.
"Incredilad," an old black lady called from the back, "Thank you for your help... Really... But life is just so boring now."
There was a general feeling of agreement that shifted through the crowd. Incredilad frowned.
"It's not that we don't like you," she began.
"I don't like you," a voice called from the back. Others cheered. Incredilad frowned again.
"Well, alright, we don't like you," the old lady said.
Incredilad held his hand out, walking east until he reached the shore. Sunbathers were the only witnesses to see him disappear. He turned, slowly, and looked back at the land that he was so bent on saving, before walking into the waves and never returning...
For although he had no visible weakness, he did have one.
Rejection.
It should also be noted that the fish never rejected his efforts.
Mal
I understood where you got the idea, and I think your sarcasm and wit are evident. Plus, I laughed. So that's all good.
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