The Wurlum

Re: The Wurlum

It was pretty bizarre. There were parts that felt superfluous, even given the short length of the story. Mainly the part about a master and delivering something, why bother bringing this up at the end with no connection to anything previous, it gives the reader no reason to care about it and ends up causing more confusion than intrigue.

I like that you wrote it in your own style, what with the -er's and a-free.

There's a few grammatical errors here and there (such as starting it in the present tense then writing the rest of the story in the past tense) but nothing that couldn't be fixed in a minute or two.

Re: The Wurlum

Thanks for the honest criticism. I didn't expect anyone to take it very seriously. It was mostly an experiment with surprise twists in a rather boring story line. I just wanted the raven to take an arrow, with a little build up to that moment with a sense of "bizarre creepiness" about the setting. What was the raven carrying? I don't know if I really wanted anyone to care beyond a simple wondering. I put that bit in there so that the raven had a subject in mind to be distracted by in its finals moments, unaware of the arrow sailing towards it.

I also haven't written anything in a serious while, and I've been out of school for a couple years now; so this was a way for me to break the writing ice and put something short out there. What really troubles me is putting the descriptive detail into the story with fluency along with the plot itself...like describing the scene the raven just entered, and making the reader get to know the raven through its own fictional line of thought, while incorporating the description of things like it being night time and cool aired breezes and dark pine trees of a foggy forested-surrounded cemetery. My fluency is still an issue when it comes to the grammar and syntax of my sentences too, I can feel, because it doesn't feel like my sentences unfold naturally and in correct order at times. All part of sharpening the mind's whetstone I suppose.

If I were to go back through this and take it a bit more seriously, I'd write about what the raven was carrying from the start, and I'd make the encounter with the Wurlum creature a bit less random and awkward and more...idk more developed of a scene. Then I'd probably expand on who shot the arrow...maybe the marksmen off in the trees comes by and bags the dead raven, discovering a note by a far off master with important information on it -thus starting a much larger plot for our new main character , Mr. Raven-Murdering Marksman. Or Perhaps the Wurlum is a pet to this mysterious marksmen, and its kiss marks the target for the archer, and that's why the Wurlum giggles and runs off right after, and is still giggling in the end.

Re: The Wurlum

We all have to help each other, best way to get better. If you ever post anything else that I enjoy reading, I'll be sure to give you a few words of opinion.

Keeping it contained within that short story, you could consider using the environment. You could even use it as further juxtaposition. The raven has just seen a horrible sight that surprised him with tenderness, this outlook spreads as he sees the rising sun or an unexpected fluttering of insect wings, his outlook is sunnier, only to be shot by the arrow while distracted by beauty; there is danger in beauty, death in life.

At least you've started, that's the important part. With a bit of persistence, talent and passion you'll find yourself writing more as you go along. I didn't start again until I was 25 and I regret not having those extra, formative years to work out my kinks.

It's like anything, it takes practice. There's nothing wrong with putting down a rough story as a stepping block. I'll put it this way: My first novel is 90,000 words and not even my wife has read it, because to me it's poorly written. But it gave me experience in writing and that's what you need. Now, after a few years of writing, I find it easier to find that fluency and write how I want.

The best advice I can give you is to figure out how you like to write. My first couple of books are very 'stuffy' and 'proper' in the grammatical sense. Then I read Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr. Although I disliked parts of it, it really made me realise just how loose writing could be. He wrote entire chapters without punctuation or grammar but it made sense.

Then you look at other writers: The beat writers (Vonnegut, Bukowski); The stream of consciousness writers (Coupland, Ellis); The dream-like writers (Murakami, Coelho); Those who make you turn the damn book upside down (Danielewski, seriously, read House Of Leaves). You realise that writing can be whatever you want it to be.

And eventually you'll get a more coherent, longer and more descriptive story out of it. The best thing you can do is keep asking yourself 'why' until you run out of questions. Why is the Raven carrying a package? Why did he stop at the cemetery? Why did the Wurlum kiss him? Why did he get shot? etc. Once you've got all that, you'll find the descriptive parts naturally filling themselves in, if only to answer your questions.