Something I've been working on for a little while now.

Re: Something I've been working on for a little while now.

2. because I want leg space

1. sounds like the choice I would honestly prefer, however

Re: Something I've been working on for a little while now.

I have no critique (as I am very unqualified), but I enjoyed it

Also, I pick the car.

Re: Something I've been working on for a little while now.

Overall the writing is good; no 'that doesn't make sense' or 'it's paced poorly' or 'wow this is boring/stupid' etc.

A few things stood out to me though.
-nitpicking, but first sentence makes me imagine multiple people running, in contrast to the actual 1 person walking quickly.
-ages of siblings and possibly main character seem ****ed up. If a girl doesn't have sex ed by the time she's 11 chances are she's already had her period for a year. Also running and clutching one's leg is like, something a 6 year old would do. Also an 11 year old has heard the word 'dick' to mean penis even if she somehow doesn't know about the physical act of sex yet. Also, at 11, she could easily be as tall as her older brother, who I hope to god isn't more than 16 otherwise is highly, highly unlikely he's never been away from home for a weekend. (Also mom's reaction would be even more overthetop, although in general I could see mom's acting like that.)
-bathroom problem is really dumb. Take the phone with you to the bathroom. If friends don't call, then there's a door to knock on with other people home to tell them you're not quite ready yet.
-Umm, the term graphic novel means a full-length comic ASAIK, not a choose-your-own-adventure book with visuals or an electronic choose-your-own-adventure.

Just to make sure, the intended viewer for this book is teenaged males, right? I hope you're not expecting a much larger audience than that, not that there's anything wrong with writing for that audience. Obviously you're writing from the perspective of a teenaged male who's horny and who's going on a trip where he hopes to get laid, and you want it to be real and gritty so you're keeping in the stuff about needing to shit. But the style along with the plot so far is probably not going to be the type of stuff your typical older audience, or a female audience, will want to read. Of course, it's screaming like this is going to go 2 possible ways: horror or light porn or both. This may or may not be an issue for you. Just my perspective of it.

Re: Something I've been working on for a little while now.

Well I think you're succeeding in your overall goals for this then :-p
heads up, 3 years is too long for the contract now

When I'm writing I'm constantly on the look out for continuity issues. An outsider will catch every last one of them and even potential ones. Every last detail from the way someone looks to how they act to how they think, (even though you're only writing from his perspective), must scan, it all must make sense. Even stupid things that are unimportant to the storyline must make sense and must pass the 'am I being realistic' check. Don't be afraid to remove entire sections/switch them around either. I guarantee that at some point you will realize that something you've written at a later date doesn't fit into what you've already written.
Also keep in mind that every sentence you write must have a purpose. I think you're doing fine, but I could see an editor chopping out a bunch of stuff too.

Good luck with the project, there's gonna be a ton of writing.

Re: Something I've been working on for a little while now.

I'm getting into this. It's really professional. I found myself forgetting it was amateur and, importantly to me, stopped thinking about who it was who had written it. (Like you know when you see a famous actor in a movie, it can be hard to just see them as purely the character they're portraying, and when you forget that it was a famous actor, you know they're a good actor? If I read something from someone I know or at least have a persona for, I find it hard to distance myself from thinking 'this person wrote this and they thought this writing in their heads', but if I do forget about the author, I know they've done a good job.)
I like this part better than the first section, not sure why. Feels a tad more organic...whatever that means. I see that you're adding how men look now too. Trying to appeal to more readers? It's working, although I think the main thing is that the main character seems a little less lust driven and seems a little less of a douche is what's pulled me on board...although going back and reading, I see it's only to his family and notably his brother that that shows up, so yeah.
Note that although I'm 'older' and female, I also frequent the exceedingly mature FFR forums...don't trust my taste :-p

Also, you're going to have like 3 novels worth of writing by the time you're done this.

I think the character (I forget his name...do we know his name?) would choose picnic, so I choose picnic.

Re: Something I've been working on for a little while now.

So far I'm enjoying how the story is going, and I agree with Cavernio about beginning to forget about who had written it. I stopped feeling like I was reading some forum post online, and began to see myself taking in all that is going on in the story.

One thing I have to say is that the pace of this story is, at least so far, extremely slow. Considering how much detail and exposition you have given about absolutely everything that occurs, I'm imagining this pace is completely intentional. As the story progresses I will imagine the pacing will be faster when the actual destination is reached.

All of the choices you have written will have their own story segments (and have some sort of effect in the story) right? I was actually expecting the third segment you posted for the story to be if your character decided to take the car instead of the SUV in all honesty. If all choices will eventually be written out, I can see this becoming highly interesting and entertaining.

Minor issue:
"I know that I probsies sound like a broken record"
This mannerism seems really odd when saying it out loud, and although she can have any sort of dialect you wish, you say earlier she "could probably settle in with your group of friends and nobody would bat an eye." "Probsies" sounds more like a failed attempt at being "hip" with the "new-fangled crowd" than something a typical teenager would say.

This doesn't affect the story but so you know, <i>words</i> needs to be changed to [i]words[/i].

Keep this story going, it seems like it could be a lot of fun down the road if you complete it!