~Spiraling Into Ebony~

[911840]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

Killing off the main character of a story is a horrendously cliched and hackneyed way of ending it. In some instances (such as the piece of drivel exhibited in this thread), an ending such as this is in actuality worse than no conclusion at all. It provides no resolution to the story and completely fails to leave the reader with a sense of fulfillment for having read the piece.

there may be a second part, on the other side.
and death had to be a part of it, sorry, that's how it was before the story made it onto paper and that's how it shall be.

Some of your turns of phrases had me in stitches. ('the smashing of my face'? heheh n.n) Your writing is riddled with typos (plead=plea, agily=agiley, franticly= frantically, etc, etc), cliches ('I feel a shiver rack my very soul as its gaze pierces my being' <- a prime example), and overall originality (Read any Nietzsche lately? -"when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you" ), which all detracted from possible enjoyment. The pace sorely taxed my attention span.

'the smashing of my face' was one of the few lines thrown in on request of a friend, i'll ask him later if he wants me to take it out yet

like i said, i'm working on the typos, if every single one you read bugs the hell ouf of you, then make a list of them as you're going and send it to me, would make my job easier...

no clue who/what Nietzsche is, but i've had a few discussions about the 'the abyss' in seperate meanings, and that line was taken out of a very unique idea from one of the members

Picking apart responses and/or insulting a person who responds is very poor form. If you recieve a flame, ignore it. If you recieve a criticism, thank the person for the feedback. They took the time to read read your work, think about it, and craft a comment or critique. All feedback is valuable, even if it's only that the writing prompted a negative response in some people. When you get a negative response, ask yourself: Why? Was is something about the piece itself? Is there something that needs to be changed?

ROFL. If all the great orators in history had spoken like retards, the world would be a very different place.

i'll thank people for criticism when needed, other than that i'm not expecting many replies, read it enjoy it (if at all possible) and maybe spread it around.

i've seen tokzic a few times on the forums, and as far as i know, and as far as i'm willing to know, he's a prick to everyone, the only other one i've had a problem with didn't even read the story and posted meaningless garbage because of that...

not to say that i'll ignore everything tokzic said, just a good amount of it

and yes, the world would be somewhat different, but if what they had said had been changed, i'm sure it would have had a greater impact.

[Wintergreen]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

no clue who/what Nietzsche is, but i've had a few discussions about the 'the abyss' in seperate meanings, and that line was taken out of a very unique idea from one of the members.

Nietzsche was a philosopher. A very famous philosopher, as far a philosophers go. He wrote, "when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you". This is one of his most well known quotes. If your acquaintance came up with the same thought, maybe it's unique to him personally (and you as well I suppose), but not to the rest of the world.

Now you know! n.n

P.S.
What I was trying to get across with the orators comment is that what you say doesn't matter if no one will listen; how something's presented determines how it will sell. I'm sure Hitler could have sold sunshine and puppies as well as mass genocide. If you actually care about what you're saying, you'll put some effort into your presentation. (Think about a delicious dish of food that looks like dog poop. It doesn't matter how it tastes if no one will taste it in the first place.)

P.S.S
I forgot to mention this in my original response, but it'd be nice to see some puntuation besides commas, periods, and ellipses. Rather than run-on sentences, how about some semicolons and emdashes?

[ShastaTwist]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

I'm going to ignore your ridiculous statement that it was well-written and focus on your apparent admiration of one of the most pathetic ways to end a narrative possible.

Killing off the main character of a story is a horrendously cliched and hackneyed way of ending it. In some instances (such as the piece of drivel exhibited in this thread), an ending such as this is in actuality worse than no conclusion at all. It provides no resolution to the story and completely fails to leave the reader with a sense of fulfillment for having read the piece.

Geez. -_-

... Apparently you read that wrong...

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED OFF THE MAIN CHARACTER"

As in...

YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN A FIRST PERSON STORY

[Tokzic]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

i've seen tokzic a few times on the forums, and as far as i know, and as far as i'm willing to know, he's a prick to everyone, the only other one i've had a problem with didn't even read the story and posted meaningless garbage because of that...

not to say that i'll ignore everything tokzic said, just a good amount of it

lmao yes you are correct

spending time reading your mediocre story all the way through and giving an in-depth critique when thus far no one else had posted anything of use to you is definitely considered being a prick

If you think naughty words and refusing to sugarcoat flaws are mean, you're going to get your feelings hurt a lot if you ever start taking writing seriously. I'm a harsh critic, but I'm nowhere near the worst out there.

Even if this story IS personal, taking in advice is how you advance as a writer. There are very few people on FFR whose opinions on writing mean anything (no offense guyz <3). If you'd prefer to ignore them, they'll ignore you - I'm certainly not wasting my time with you again. If you'd prefer to surround yourself with nobodies who say "gr8 job a++++++!!!!" to garbage, you're only punishing yourself.

But if that's what you want, by all means, keep stuffing your work with horrific punctuation and cliches. Saves me effort and it means one less potential author for me to compete with, rofl

[911840]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

If you'd prefer to surround yourself with nobodies who say "gr8 job a++++++!!!!" to garbage, you're only punishing yourself.

But if that's what you want, by all means, keep stuffing your work with horrific punctuation and cliches. Saves me effort and it means one less potential author for me to compete with, rofl

That is not what I intend to do, it would be great if people actually thought that and could tell me in english, but I don't really expect it from anybody.
In fact, I rarely expect that from myself.
Odds are the cliche of the writing will not be changed, though I shall do yet another sweep for errors and do some tweaking as soon as I can find the written version and summon the drive to work on it.
I have no intention of being an author, this was simply the easiest way I could think of to get my thoughts down in one place and send the whole thing to another person.

~Write yourself a storycar and drive it off a cliff~

Only if you can vivdly describe the fall

Also, as far as what Tokzic said goes, the girl does seem very random. With no background information, it seems that "Protagonist" somehow knows that some girl is in danger and, thus, sets off to locate said girl with the intention of saving her from... What, exactly?

Not random, but this story was only made public as a request from the person who it was written for.
He heard her scream, he came to save her.
He didn't know 'til he was there...and if you read it without understanding the danger they were in, then wow.

(the falling)

... Apparently you read that wrong...

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED OFF THE MAIN CHARACTER"

As in...

YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN A FIRST PERSON STORY

And why would that be? The story is first-person, he must die, and it would be must a much less interesting story through her eyes rather than his.

If you have an alternative, let me know.

[ShastaTwist]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

If you kill the main character...

There is no story.

[911840]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

Who said death was the end? "The other side."

[FoJaR]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

tribute to jessica...though you may know her here as birdgirlxx2003...

paging mal. paging mal.

[MalReynolds]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

I can't believe you wrote that story without a stomach!

Jesus, Ace!

[911840]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

I can't believe you wrote that story without a stomach!

Jesus, Ace!

Eh?

[FoJaR]

Re: ~Spiraling Into Ebony~

heh heh heh. gets me every time.