[gold stinger]

To be absolutely honest with you, I've been sitting here watching the thread pass for the last couple of hours because I've dealt with a lot of depression in my life. I've had lots of fixes to it, I've had lots of returns of it. I've had what I would consider the highest high's and the highest low's that I've seen people chat about on this website, and I've made other people feel from it when I shared about it, and have written at least 3 threads on it. If I were in your shoes, I would rebel against my parents, or start a serious talk with them about it and if they want to escalate it I wouldn't hesitate to raise my voice with the escalation. Straight up, I'd it to them that my life is more important than meeting the demands for their fucking social security checks, or going to school. That I'd rather die than live the torment that I'm living right now, and the way that your mother acts about it isn't helping anything, including herself, which is the only thing I'm hearing.


I've held back on saying this though, because it may be something that you don't want to hear.

I would recommend doing your research. See what the possibilities are. Look into center's yourself, contact them yourself (if you can) and if not, ask your father for maybe some help. If not him, then someone else that you can trust. If your mother intervenes, show what you've done yourself, and how important it is to you. I would like to imagine the conflict that's happening to your parents on this subject because from the sounds of things, they are very divided on it.

Even if you're nervous about doing talking, just force it. Say hello, say you got a bit of a problem, start talking away. It's one of the hardest things to do with depression, and it almost never gets easier. I've had to do it a couple of times for school projects, and it would take me literally an hour or two of hyping myself up to it or prepparing myself for it, because I'd be so scared that I said something wrong, or didn't want the person to get my words tangled up even if I wrote it from script. So if you're having trouble with this, take as long as you need to find that inner confidence in yourself to do it.



On the topic of counseling:

I've been to counseling before, extensively. I will say that it did work for me, but it's very selective depending on who works with you, and it's brutal. You will have to go to one by force from someone else before you start to like one imo, and before you start to really feel serious changes, albeit very dull. It's not magic, it's actually extremely slow. From the day I first took counseling to the day that I stopped counseling, it took a year and a half for things to turn around. And during that time, I was out of school for the entirety of it, and I was 16 years old. If you go to one, they will probably encourage you to go to school, and recommend your parents to put you in there physically, but no one's keeping you from staying there. I dropped school for counseling. I got over my stress & depression faster yes, but later down the road I did get a bit of depression that I was falling behind in school, and my friends were a grade or two ahead of me. It all comes down to how much you want to weigh these options. I don't think counseling will help me again, it may help you though if you believe that it will help.