What people (should) mean when they say "get a life"

[Arch0wl]

self-esteem diversity.

Of course, this seems remarkably simple, but it's not. When most people say "get a life" they mean "get a social life."

That's problematic.

If some person who is used to evaluating himself based on how good he is at various things and that person constantly hears "get a life" (even if he has a life) he will hear another area he is not good in. So what does he do? He goes ultra-bro and treats party invitations like conquests. He reads the Pickup Artist literature, and suddenly he has a GirlCount added to his Having a Life stat.

But even if you are invited to parties every weekend and have managed to bed several dozen women you still will be missing the point because most people don't actually respond with "get a life" because they think you aren't skilled in social adaptation. They say that because skill in some obscure activity looks as if you care too much -- that your self-esteem is so terrible in so many areas that the only area where it's not terrible is in some obscure activity, so you hoard accomplishments in that activity.

We know that's false. Many people on this website are brilliant, accomplished, or both. But the accomplishment hoarding factor is the essence of what's causing people to think you "need a life," and we definitely have that here too. It's a corrosive mental process.

So I'm saying that if you're like,

I am so much better than this guy. He is this:

STEPMANIA: 75%
PARTIES: 66%
GIRLS: 20%
SCHOOL: 70%

and I am this, therefore better:

STEPMANIA: 99%
PARTIES: 90%
GIRLS: 80%
SCHOOL: 90%

You have not really gained "a life". You have RPGified your life to match the effect of having a life, but not the cause. Your self-esteem is still adversarial and your view of yourself depends on other people to be below you. That is not a sustainable method of believing you're a worthwhile person. People are far more complicated than semi-quantitative constructs you create to convince yourself that you can be "better" than someone. Only when you release yourself from this sort of thinking will your "life" come naturally.

[Vendetta21]

It's a turn-of-phrase it doesn't mean anything in general because there's no hand-book people read titled "Proper Usage of The Derogatory American Vernacular and Nomenclature." The phrase is pretty situational in usage and I doubt anyone who hears it directed towards them at a bar or on the internet or at school really has that much of a problem interpreting the intended meaning of it.

[Reincarnate]

IMO it's more of a "the way you live your life sucks and you should change it" phrase.

"God, you spend all your time studying. Get a life."
"Man, you're a huge sleazeball. Get a life."
"Omfg get off the computer and get a life."

[Vendetta21]

Related to what you are getting at, you might find interesting:
http://www.econtalk.org/archives/2008/05/hanson_on_signa.html

People just tend to think of others in terms of status, pointing this out is not going to change it (and it's not even really that much of a start) because this is so deeply ingrained in our ways of thinking that we can't even begin to realize all the ways we do it.

A much more pragmatic thing to say to people is just "be nicer."

[TheSaxRunner05]

It's just a saying, where person A tells person B what ever they are doing is a waste of time.

-Also a great number of people do not apply rational thought to what they say anyways

[duddychuck@yahoo.com]

Well to be perfectly honest the 10 months that ffr was down was the best 10 months of my life. So I guess I understand, but it isnt necessarily true

[DossarLX ODI]

This topic reminded me of another phrase I see often - "he/she has no talent! Anyone can do it! etc"

Some people think stepmania is a pointless "arrow game". These people say that it requires no skill and that real talent is something else like playing the piano or something. Same goes for guitar hero and Justin Bieber (he uses autotune, he just makes pop, no talent, anyone can do that blah blah)

By "talent", do you think these people just mean "activities that make money in the real world"? Because I know I don't get money from stepmania - but you can make money from being an artist and such.

[Izzy]

Well, stepmania is indeed a pointless arrow game but the skill required is immeasurably high. Although I find it hard to be impressed by anything these days. Any talent can be achieved by having a young kid do something until they are 20 years old. Everyone just loves that stupid cup stacking nonsense but it really fails to impressive me because its just pointless muscle memory that anyone can achieve by starting young.

I don't believe justin beiber is a talented singer. That doesn't mean he isn't a successful singer though, assuming you just have to make money to be successful.

[DossarLX ODI]

That's basically why I'm asking that question - what those people associate with "talent" is usually what can make money.

[ChrisReams]

In my experience, when somebody said "get a life", 90% of the time it translated to "do stuff outside".

I've never heard somebody go up to a really good basketball player and say "get a life". I haven't really heard it used towards anybody that participates in respectable outdoor sports.

But I ALWAYS hear it used towards people that are good at things like video games, or computers, or obscure random skills that you can perform in a house without using much physical ability or collecting much sunlight... >_>

[Izzy]

Everything is going to end up as a memory once you are done doing it anyway. I'd rather watch a movie and have an amazing memory than play basketball.

[Pikaboi]

This was a pretty good read. I feel much more confident now.

[Arch0wl]

I've never heard somebody go up to a really good basketball player and say "get a life". I haven't really heard it used towards anybody that participates in respectable outdoor sports.


Usually the demarcation line around "get a life" land is dotted with things that are (1) obsessive and (2) asocial. For example, some girls I know can get obsessive about crochet but it's not nearly stigmatized as much as an obsession about Linux, because crochet exists within a social dimension. To be in "get a life" territory, the activity requires some asocial quality.

So in your going outside example, someone who spends an inordinate amount of time cataloging mushrooms would fit the "get a life" criteria. Someone who memorizes an inordinate amount of NBA statistics would fit the "get a life" criteria. And so on.

[reuben_tate]

I always here the phrase "get a life" said when it comes to two different extremes. On one side of the lever you have people who are extremely lazy and do absolutely nothing with their lives. Like people who live with their parents and don't have the motive to get a job. On the other hand, you have people who are so involved, that they have little time for their social life. These are the type of people where, if you want to hang out with them as a friend, you have to schedule an appointment two weeks in advance. So yeah:

"Get a life" = you're are so lazy
"Get a life" = you are too involved to do anything

[Vendetta21]

Everything is going to end up as a memory once you are done doing it anyway. I'd rather watch a movie and have an amazing memory than play basketball.

This is pretending it's deep but it's not. Everything is at the whim and whimper of the collection of chemicals firing in the brain so unless one finds a way to keep those in balance through healthy lifestyle they are probably not going to feel fully satisfied with anything, and then movies end up being an escape.

[Arch0wl]

This is pretending it's deep but it's not.

Huh? I thought Izzy's claim was practical. He values experiences. This is in line with what several prominent philosophers and psychologists say you should do: go for what gives you unique memories, because those give you the greatest "I've lived life" feeling.

[Duplica]

It varies from one person to another, but I much rather do something memorable as a group than sit inside and have memories from internet/media. The adrenaline rush from playing any sport and competing is always greater than finding out who got kicked off American Idol. I perceive "getting a life" as a suggestion to venture out into more active and thrilling thoughts and activities.

[Wineandbread]

"Getting a life" is by no means objective but as a number of users have already said, it is much geared towards more extreme passions, and ESPECIALLY targeted at "useless" abilities that don't merit any form of entertainment or utility to others. Stuff within social norms is a huge factor too.

I mean, it's not like I'm saying any of that stuff is bad or anything. I just really don't like the statement "getting a life" because of something you find enjoyment out of is not up to par with the expectations someone else's view on life. Tbh I abhor this saying with a passion. I do believe that there are good and bad ways to live your life, but to tell someone to "get a life" is like a very awful way to phrase "your view on how to live life is wrong and should be more like mine." Maybe you can ask some ****ing corpses to get a life, I'm sure they'd oblige.

ex1. Stepmania. Eh, might be kinda cool to look at for the average person once or twice. At a certain level, you begin to wonder whether they have memorized the notes, or spend too much time on this game. An outsider's view may be further worsened after exposure to forums, creating stepfiles on your own, etc.

ex2. Parkour/freerunning. I think personally that it's ****ing amazing to watch time and time again. Lots of variation, involves a lot of body strength/stamina, a risky/dangerous thing to do as a hobby, and away from the domain of computers.

To each his own...

[Vendetta21]

Huh? I thought Izzy's claim was practical. He values experiences. This is in line with what several prominent philosophers and psychologists say you should do: go for what gives you unique memories, because those give you the greatest "I've lived life" feeling.

It's easy to have a discussion like this hit "how many angels can you fit on the head of a pinpoint" level pretty fast. My point was pretty simple and I really didn't feel like it needed to be explained more thoroughly.

But whatever.

Unique memories come from challenging yourself in new and interesting ways. Going beyond your comfort zone and exploring your own mental depths. Learning new skills, pushing your body to new physical limits, tackling complex and difficult challenges, branching out to and trying to understand people you wouldn't normally. Escapism (via movies, books, video games) isn't quite the same thing.

It's easy to take an idea like "unique memories that make you feel alive are the meaningful part of life" and really misapply that to rationalize all sorts of behaviors as meaningful simply because they are comfortable and interesting enough.

[xXAll-ProXx]

Good thread!

In my case, there is this popular game called "Doodle Jump" on the iPhone and iPod Touch. Last year in May, I got the second highest score in the world and the first thing the assholes on Internet said was "get a life". Guess what, I played that game about once every 2 months or so. And yet, the fact that I had an amazing score on it made me a "loser". Most of these people who say "get a life" can't achieve what you are capable of achieving, their only intention is to make you feel like a "loser". The last time I played that game was in the summer, and yet I still hear from some of my friends from time to time things like "do you like play doodle jump like 24/7, get a life man"

Now that friend of mine is addicted to Tetris Battle on facebook, and every time I tell him to get a life. Says the same thing as I saidto him before. The same thing applies to FFR
, if you're good, you're automatically a loser and need a life.

[reuben_tate]

Good thread!

In my case, there is this popular game called "Doodle Jump" on the iPhone and iPod Touch. Last year in May, I got the second highest score in the world and the first thing the assholes on Internet said was "get a life". Guess what, I played that game about once every 2 months or so. And yet, the fact that I had an amazing score on it made me a "loser". Most of these people who say "get a life" can't achieve what you are capable of achieving, their only intention is to make you feel like a "loser". The last time I played that game was in the summer, and yet I still hear from some of my friends from time to time things like "do you like play doodle jump like 24/7, get a life man"

Now that friend of mine is addicted to Tetris Battle on facebook, and every time I tell him to get a life. Says the same thing as I saidto him before. The same thing applies to FFR
, if you're good, you're automatically a loser and need a life.

I see, so your saying that the most probably cause of people saying "get a life" is because they are jeolous that they can't do [whatever] themselves, so they take their anger by transferring the "loser" label from themselves to the other person.

[Vendetta21]

I see, so your saying that the most probably cause of people saying "get a life" is because they are jeolous that they can't do [whatever] themselves, so they take their anger by transferring the "loser" label from themselves to the other person.

We criticize people not so much to bring them down and try to make them fail but rather to keep ourselves from repeating those same habits we criticize. There is an impulse desire in a lot of people to separate others into the categories of winners and losers, and we do this to try to guide our own actions more than we are trying to do anything about the people who belong to those categories.