song + feedback appreciated

[revolutionomega]

I've posted a lot of my lyrical works on facebook and decided I'd hit up the FFR community with a song I wrote :]

No, I cannot record how I envision this nor will I sing it because I suck xD
I thought of this as sort of a Gothic/Renaissance/Epic/Power Metal kind of feel with a lower BPM and vocals similar to those of Metallica/Rhapsody kind of mix.


POUR:

(Guitar intro)

v1-
The cloudy skies, give berth to the rain
A vigilant storm, expanding the stain
I step out the door and pray for the light
But everyone's ready, for a heavenly fight

c-
Pour
Crashing thunder
Pour
Astounding lightning
Pour
Vigilance and ignorance give way to the
Storm
Embrace the power
Swarm
The battlefield
Born
Is a hero through the rain...
Let it pour

(Guitar Lick)

v2-
Blindly we run, into the abyss
The lust drives us on, to the maiden's kiss
Chaos ensues, but the hero prevails
The storm fights back, but he cannot fail!

Rpt. C

B-
Pour (choral echo) pour ('')
Rise from the storm
Roar (choral echo) roar ('')
Ashes to ashes the fury we hoarde
More (choral echo) more ('')
Ignite the fire, as we ride ooooooon!

Rpt. C

B2-
Let it raiiiiin (choral : pour) raiiin ('')
Erase the sorrow, don't let it come agaiiiiin ('')
oh oh ooh ohhhhh

(Guitar solo)

E-
Pour
The fight is over
Roar
Of the victory
More
The rain's still falling and so I say...
Leeeeet iiit pourrrr... (Fade)

(Guitar closing --> slow down and fade guitar)



---
I used the multiple letters in some areas to give you an idea of the length of the words (dramatic areas) :O

Hope you enjoy!


EDIT: If you don't like it take into consideration I wrote this in like 10 minutes... xD

[revolutionomega]

-bump cuz i posted this so late xD

[revolutionomega]

noted.
feedback?

[Rubin0]

I would have to hear the song.

[rzr]

Reminds me of some kind Iron Maiden/Dragonforce rap song.

Now, I guess this is how you write. Personally, when I write or listen to lyrics they have to be deep. Really deep. That's the only way I like them. I want to feel every emotion. Everything. I don't get that from this. So, if the music that goes with it is good it'll save you. Can I see more?

[revolutionomega]

sure if ya like. i don't write much anymore and presonally i don't like a lot of my work and wish i could provide music xD
I find that it's interesting how people hear a song based solely on lyrics :]