Old 01-22-2007, 08:01 PM   #21
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I guess it depends on the persons personal position on this.


I know I always hold the door open for people after I have opened it if they are near the door, man or woman. I always thank people when they do the same for me. If I know the woman, sometimes I will open the door and step to the side, letting them enter first. I don't really think much about it, it's just something I do to be nice. If someone did it for me I would thank them, naturally...I wouldn't find it 'degrading' but just...nice. As I see it if I hand out favors then other people will naturally do the same, and we can all be nice to eachother rather than simply having everyone tend to themselves.

However, lots of people still don't hold the door XD
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Old 01-22-2007, 08:06 PM   #22
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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all that you need to do
Important word bolded.

Opening and holding doors are themselves more than you need to do. The whole issue is about doing more than that which is expected. People WANT to do more than they need to.

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Old 01-22-2007, 08:07 PM   #23
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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Explain to me how this can't apply to opening doors for ladies. I'm there. I'm going to open the door for myself. Why not allow her to pass through instead of having to open a door by herself?
Okay, I said things a little differently then I meant to. I guess if you're right there it's fine, but I meant going out of the way to open a door.
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Old 01-22-2007, 09:06 PM   #24
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Hey, my system isn't entirely selfish, and you're misinterpreting it by using the word "need" in that context. Because, technically, all you "need" to do is walk through the door and forget about everyone else. I hold it open and keep it open as long as I'm walking through it. No one can fault me for that, and no one needs to thank me for that. In my mind it's the perfect medium between doing the bare minimum to satisfy only your needs and the absolute maximum to satisfy everyone else's.

ot, but I feel like this debate could have been an episode of seinfeld.
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Old 01-22-2007, 11:28 PM   #25
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

As long as you don't slam the doors in their faces then you're fine.
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Old 01-22-2007, 11:29 PM   #26
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

1 word .. yes.
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Old 01-23-2007, 12:32 AM   #27
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I agree with the general idea of keeping a door open for someone if they are behind you, no matter what, and thanking people who do the same for you.

Recently I held the door for a random stranger to be nice, and she just waltzed on through ahead of me like she owned the place and didn't even smile or mutter a word to me. That was irritating.

On the flip side, I do sometimes feel annoyed if a guy INSISTS on opening the door for me and refuses to go in before I do; I haven't encountered as much of this in my peers, but my dad does this. When I am ahead of him going toward a door, my tendency is to open it and hold it to be nice, but he said it was insulting to a man for a girl to hold it open for him, and that they should always go in first.

I don't know, even as a girl I find it annoying to get random "privileges" for no reason. I don't feel like I deserve any special treatment just for being female, so I'd rather hold doors and have them held for me in relatively equal amounts. It's only fair that way.
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Old 01-23-2007, 02:20 AM   #28
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I believe that the door should be held open for women on special occasions, such as a fancy dinner or your wedding or something to that matter, where it would be cute and romantic to do such a thing. However, if repeated too often, if you're dating someone that feels she must be independent, don't do it that often. Let her open the door.

Still, I agree with plenty of people that it's just generally a considerate thing to do.
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Old 01-23-2007, 02:37 AM   #29
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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On the flip side, I do sometimes feel annoyed if a guy INSISTS on opening the door for me and refuses to go in before I do; I haven't encountered as much of this in my peers, but my dad does this. When I am ahead of him going toward a door, my tendency is to open it and hold it to be nice, but he said it was insulting to a man for a girl to hold it open for him, and that they should always go in first.
I ask that you allow your father that simple pleasure. Chivalry and such isn't a one-sided deal. It requires the guys to do the various things and the girls to expect them to do it. If you look at it that way, one might be able to see how it can be slightly insulting in a "what, you don't think I can or want to do something for you?" kind of way, I guess. Or he might mean that it's an affront to his manhood. Either way, guys shouldn't exactly feel insulted about that, much like girls shouldn't feel insulted if someone does that for them.

But yeah, some guys live for that kind of stuff, and if you stand in front of a door, waiting for it to be opened for you, it might fill someone with joy. My parents scold me if ever I let Amanda get into my car by herself, and I thank them for that.

Quote:
I don't know, even as a girl I find it annoying to get random "privileges" for no reason. I don't feel like I deserve any special treatment just for being female, so I'd rather hold doors and have them held for me in relatively equal amounts. It's only fair that way.
And I think the idea of gender equality is stupid. Not to be insulting or anything (in fact, I don't mean to be condescending or insulting at all in my post, but my words themselves may not have entirely conveyed that sentiment), but the world can function completely happily if men and women aren't treated 100% equally in every single sector of life.

From my point of view: I feel like you DO deserve special treatment just for being female. There's no need for fairness in these situations, so why have it at all?

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Old 01-23-2007, 03:05 AM   #30
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

i hold the door open for women, for men, it really doesnt matter to me, i just do it to be nice somtimes, but i dont insist apon it.
however if a women gets all mad or upset because i didnt hold the door open for them.... pfff... skrew you... you have arms...
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Old 01-23-2007, 03:07 AM   #31
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Yeah, I've learned to accept things as they are, and I do comply with my dad's wishes now. ^^ Still, it doesn't change the fact that I feel a bit awkward doing it. Maybe it's just because of the world I've lived in as I grew up, but I feel most comfortable when things are generally equal. It seems silly, but if someone does such gestures for me, I feel a small amount of unnecessary debt or guilt that I'd rather not have. I understand that a guy might enjoy the act showing humility and respect toward a girl, but I also feel that the girl's wishes for keeping humility and respect shouldn't be ignored either, you know?

Nowadays if someone wants to open the door for me, I'm just fine with it, but I certainly don't expect it. I dunno, something seems wrong about that. It seems arrogant, or taking advantage of the poor guys. Sure, some guys may love that stuff as you said, but for those who don't, I would never hold it against them.

I also learned a related thing the hard way... I never wanted a guy to pay for my food or anything like that. I felt guilty for using someone else's money, so I shoved money back in order to keep even. It wasn't until my parents informed me that I realized this could be taken in a rude "I don't like you at all, don't you dare think of paying for me!!" sort of way. ^^; It's a tough line to walk.

Heh, what look like simple customs of society can really be complex under the surface. Ah, the human mind.
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Old 01-23-2007, 03:36 AM   #32
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Holding the door open is a-ok.

Paying their way, however, is not.

Ask Chrissi about it.
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Old 01-23-2007, 01:20 PM   #33
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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but if someone does such gestures for me, I feel a small amount of unnecessary debt or guilt that I'd rather not have.
I quite understand this, as I take debts and the repaying of them very seriously.

Something to consider is that there are many ways to absolve yourself of such a debt that you put on yourself. Do something else nice for the guy (that doesn't involve opening a door for him), or, hell, just "pass it on" and do something for the next stranger you can help. The action wasn't intended with you as a specific target, so the debt doesn't have to be directed back at that same person.

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Old 01-23-2007, 01:54 PM   #34
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

Yes, men should. And women should hold doors open for men. It's called being nice. Try it? Please?

No?

...Ok.
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Old 01-23-2007, 03:31 PM   #35
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I don't know, even as a girl I find it annoying to get random "privileges" for no reason. I don't feel like I deserve any special treatment just for being female
I hope I date a girl like you...who will pay for the dinner instead of me.
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Old 01-23-2007, 03:43 PM   #36
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I didn't realize gender was a determining factor in whether or not you hold a door open or not. I always figured it was a simple combination of speed of movement, door proximity and armstuffs population.

Maybe I need to get out more.

Or less.

Or something.
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Old 01-23-2007, 03:47 PM   #37
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

In Latin-America.. you just do it. No complaints. Now that I'm in the states, I've loosened up a bit regarding such things.. but I'll still always do it for all Latin girls on campus and my very close female friends. You always have to be courteous to women. Opening the door is just one of the many actions you do.

I have found myself in a situation where this American girl snapped at me for opening the door for her purely out of custom. I guess she thought I was degrading her =/
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Old 01-23-2007, 04:31 PM   #38
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I always hold doors open for girls, whether my girlfriend, friends, or strangers - women [while they are equal] deserve such treatment, in my opinion.

An exception to this is those girls who go out of their way to treat people like crap - I respect people until they lose that respect.

With guys, it depends - if it's convenient or they're a friend or something, I'll hold it for them, but if I'm in a hurry, or they're somebody I can't stand - pff.
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Old 01-23-2007, 04:39 PM   #39
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

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I also learned a related thing the hard way... I never wanted a guy to pay for my food or anything like that. I felt guilty for using someone else's money, so I shoved money back in order to keep even. It wasn't until my parents informed me that I realized this could be taken in a rude "I don't like you at all, don't you dare think of paying for me!!" sort of way. ^^; It's a tough line to walk.
Guido responds with surprise whenever we go out and I pay for myself. I don't know if that is because I mooch free meals off of him far too often or if he is just a crazy gentleman. Probably both.
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Old 01-23-2007, 07:32 PM   #40
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Default Re: Should men open doors for women?

I always do, it's a simple and easy act of courtesy; something I see less and less of everyday.
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