Old 10-27-2006, 08:15 AM   #1
Who's_buying?
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Default Rate my essay!

Hello all
I have an exam coming up next week, for which one section is writing an essay. I'd apprectiate anyone reading over a practise version I did and making comments on how I could improve/weaknesses/incorrect bits etc....
Bear in mind we have 30 mins and a one A4 page limit to write it, so there are lots of grammatical errors:

1 'A little learning is a dangerous thing'.
(Alexander Pope)
Write a unified essay in which you address the following:
- Explain what you think the author means by this statement.
- Advance an argument against the statement above, i.e. in support of the proposition ‘a little learning is not a dangerous thing’.
- What do you think determines whether or not learning can be a dangerous thing?

------------------------------------------------------------
What A. Pope means by this statement is that to have ‘little’ knowledge of how to deal with a situation may lead to disastrous consequences by your actions when placed in that situation. It is said that a wise man ‘knows what he does not know’; If one is poorly knowledgeable in a certain subject, he may still think he is adequately informed, as a direct result of being poorly informed! The situation where this can cause most damage is in emergencies; such as the need to drive a car without proper training, or handling a gun. In both scenarios, an accident is likely to happen, due to a false sense of confidence.

In a different context, poor knowledge of someone is likely to lead to being suspicious of him/her. These judgements may be completely unfounded, but deal the same damage as if the suspicions are true.

However in other circumstances, it may be beneficial to have at least a little knowledge of something; e.g. if you were lost in an unfamiliar area. Here you could at least make some progress in finding the area you are meant to be. Similarly, if you have some ability to speak a language in a foreign country, it is likely to serve you well in answering any queries you may have. As long as you are not given a false sense of control, and use your knowledge wisely, it can only work to benefit you.

Whether a little learning is dangerous or not does not necessarily depend on the situation, but also on how the person values that information. If one is arrogant to assume that he/she is adequately informed and tries not to be cautious, it may serve that person badly. The definition of ‘little’ also comes into importance here; if one has indeed next to no background on a situation, but it turns out the situation demands little of them, then that would be all that is needed. However if they are placed in deceptively complex situation, then it is unlikely that a ‘little learning’ will be safe.
------------------------------------------------------------

They basically mark you on content/organisation/style/correctness.

Thanks!

Also...if your feeling really generous, please tell me how it compares to this essay, which scores the maximum of 15.0 marks:
http://www.bmat.org.uk/downloads/spmenessay1.pdf
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Old 10-27-2006, 08:53 AM   #2
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Remove the exclamation point after "informed!" in the first paragraph...Also, try and give credit to the person who stated "a wise man knows what he does not know." Its not only a rule of thumb for essays, but it also shows that you know what you're talking about.

You're using semicolons grammatically incorrectly...Like after "emergencies" in the first paragraph, just use a comma, or make two sentences. After "here" in the last para., use a colon instead.

I'm not too sure if what you think A. Pope was saying is correct, but I do know that in essays there usually isn't a right or wrong answer as long as you can back it up with textual support or ideas.
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Old 10-27-2006, 09:31 AM   #3
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancingmaniac3 View Post
Remove the exclamation point after "informed!" in the first paragraph...Also, try and give credit to the person who stated "a wise man knows what he does not know." Its not only a rule of thumb for essays, but it also shows that you know what you're talking about.

You're using semicolons grammatically incorrectly...Like after "emergencies" in the first paragraph, just use a comma, or make two sentences. After "here" in the last para., use a colon instead.
I don't actually know who made that statement (!) but would it still be worth putting in, considering not giving credit would effectively remove any appeal to authority?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancingmaniac3 View Post
I'm not too sure if what you think A. Pope was saying is correct, but I do know that in essays there usually isn't a right or wrong answer as long as you can back it up with textual support or ideas.
Fortunately we don't have to say what we think, but do you think that my comments are weakly supported?

Thanks!
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Old 10-27-2006, 10:44 AM   #4
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

for the future...

we have
a) a literature forum
and
b) we don't do other people's homework for them in CT
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Old 10-27-2006, 01:00 PM   #5
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Looking over someone else's essays that they've already completed is hardly doing their homework for them. It's just giving advise.

I don't really have anything to comment other than that seems awfully short. If that completely fills out one A4 size page, though, more power to you.
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Old 10-27-2006, 04:38 PM   #6
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

At first I was dubious that your interpretation was right, but I looked it up and apparently it is. Makes more sense in the context of the whole poem.

Consider using "lack" or "a lack of" or whatever variation fits instead of using "poor" all the time. And that one "knowledgeable" should be an "informed".

Your final paragraph needs a solid example or two.

Also the gun example coming right after the driving a car example seems odd... abrupt transition from a prosocial emergency to a self-defense emergency. Maybe something other than using a gun would be better.
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Old 10-28-2006, 12:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Thanks for the responses guys!

talisman - I think you've hit the nail on the head for the comment on unsupported statements; It's so very difficult though because putting in a bad example would probably make it worse!
Fortunately (I think) the key to this is putting in a reasonable interpretation of the quotation.

Laharl - that's a good sign because it appears concise and readable! In fact it does cover an entire A4 page and I have average sized font. Too bad my handwriting sucks

Last edited by Who's_buying?; 10-28-2006 at 12:27 PM..
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Old 10-28-2006, 01:57 PM   #8
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The creator of CT forums
An area specifically for higher-level thinkers. Debates, Essays, Politics etc.
This qualifies, doesn't it?
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Old 10-30-2006, 09:02 AM   #9
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Overall I think your essay's fine, but I know that I would say something different about the subject. In support of A. Pope's argument (well, my interpretation of the saying, I've never read anything/studied him), I interpret what he's saying on more of a broad level. You mention specific examples where someone is essentially forced to make a choice. I however immediately thought not about specific scenarios, but about people's efforts into making the world a better place. World leaders make huge decisions which affect the lives of millions, and not being fully informed about the impact one's decision makes can be disasterous. The economist who decides that a formula works well on paper, but which only works with very specific assumptions about people's spending habits, and who implements a strategy for the banks to use, could easily end up making the economy worse than it was before any such plan was implemented as soon as the assumptions about how people react aren't met. (It being unknown how people would actually react.)
You ignore that things can get worse by applying only partial knowledge, and if I were rating your essay, I'd give you a good grade, but not as good as if you addressed the issue I brought up.
To use one of your examples specifically, if I only knew a language partially and went to a foreign country, the chances of being rude and insulting are higher than if I didn't know any of the language at all. Especially for those languages where voice inflection changes the meaning of a sentence. We've all heard those examples of when someone meant to say something as benign as "can you pass the tea please" and what they actually said was something like "I want to **** your wife". Refute that, and I'd give you a better grade.
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Old 10-30-2006, 10:43 AM   #10
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

dude youre essay really cool nothin bad bout it so chill
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Old 10-30-2006, 10:44 AM   #11
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

oh i forgot ill rate it exllet
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Old 10-30-2006, 11:19 AM   #12
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AeonShadow View Post
oh i forgot ill rate it exllet
Umm... no

All that I have to say is that it is really short. Your second paragraph should be longer or combined with your third just because it seems like you have no supporting statements for the second paragraph. Althought teachers say they don't care about length, they do. There is nothing wrong with a 3 paragraph essay, as long as you control your writing well and stay on topic with enough support to effectively convey your answer. I think it is very well written, even if your examples were a little iffy.
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Old 11-3-2006, 01:12 PM   #13
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Default Re: Rate my essay!

Just to help out with your essay,
Socrates was the person that said a wise man knows what he does not know.
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