10-7-2008, 05:47 PM | #1 |
GotR Creator
|
1555WD
I've never been much of a stalker before. I've found some friends through social networking sites' searches. I've asked around for a friend of a friend's number. I've even looked up the last name of a cute hotel clerk in the phone book. I wouldn't say that's stalking.
Today I found myself stalking. It was a woman at the grocery store. She was cute, and checking out alone at line 15. I got behind her not only for the possibility of starting some conversation, but because it was also the shortest line. If there had been a shorter line, I probably would've gotten in that one--maybe. All I knew about her was she liked cakes. She was buying lots of cake-making materials--almost exclusively. I also knew she wanted to pay for her tampons and pads separately. Perhaps the cake was a business cake, charged to a business account? If that is the case, she is a good person--or at least a cautious one--and I liked that. Perhaps she likes to keep her shopping types on different receipts, so she can see how much she has spent in each category at the end of the month. If that is that case, she likes being organized, which means she's just like me. So far it was all positives. She was buying both tampons and pads. Maybe she has heavy periods? There's medicines you can take for that, but I'm sure she knows that already. Maybe she's trying out tampons for the first time, having used pads all her life, but still wants to keep some around just in case. Maybe one of the two is for a friend. She wasn't wearing a ring, but boyfriends don't come with a ring. When I stand in a grocery store check-out line, I always let other people start the conversations. I picked up a pack of starbursts from the candy rack facing us. I always like to pick up something nice for my roommate; he's such a good person. It's the least I can do. If she knew I had been buying the starbursts for someone else things may have gone differently. I gave her four or five chances to start conversation. I moved my head in her direction, faced her completely, and look up at the ceiling, as if waiting for something to happen. None of these evoked any kind of response. I realized at that moment that in my haste to get in and out of the grocery store quickly, I had left my sunglasses on. A man wearing sunglasses? No cute woman thinking soundly would ever start up a conversation with a man in sunglasses. What if they were evil? I had failed, and I resigned to buying my groceries without so much as a "hello." As I walked to my car, I thought of all the things that could've happened differently during the day, and how each one would've affected what was happening to me then. I walked out into the street towards the parking lot. Spotting my car, I weaved between SUVs and convertibles to get to my modest sedan. Then, loading up her groceries, I saw her. Of course she had to get to a car, just like me! But what to say? No, I was too far removed from my chance to speak with her, I would have to continue. Still, there were so many mysteries; I didn't even know her name. That's when I glanced at the license plate. 1555WD, Virginia. I smiled. I would know all about her very soon. The internet has made stalking a very private and easy task. All I have to do is type the plate number into a search field and up comes the information. Brooke Andrews, age 24, Lexus ES 350. She was calm, organized, not afraid to ask the cashier to put her tampons on a separate card, and rich. From there I found her home address. Only a 9-minute drive from my apartment, and mapping websites always over-estimate the time. I also found her phone number, and online profiles. She's a dog-person; I love dogs. She's currently single, but she just got out of a pretty serious relationship with a 26-year old hockey-player named Dennis. After they broke up, Dennis moved back to North Dakota, and has already started a new relationship with someone named Jenny. Brooke went out to a club in DC the other night and got hit on by a guy out of the blue, or so she says on her blog. She says she found the entire experience "creepy" and that it ruined her otherwise fun night out. I'm glad I didn't say anything. Stalking serves a purpose--to get to know someone better. I know Brooke so well, I feel like I could be an old friend from middle school. No--better yet, an old friend from summer camp. Remember me? I was the quiet kid with blonde hair that curled out on the sides. We talked a few times, I can't believe I found you! You look great, by the way, and I love the picture of that cake you just posted. It looks delicious. What? Are you kidding? Yes, I love Coldplay. Where are you living these days? Me too! We probably aren't more than a few miles away. We should totally hang out sometime--if you're free. Lunch on Tuesday? Market Street Cafe? Looking forward to it. Last edited by FishFishRevolution; 10-7-2008 at 11:16 PM.. |
10-7-2008, 06:03 PM | #2 |
sideways 8
|
Re: 1555WD
i actually do this as well, not often, but when my interest has been sparked by someone (usually by appearence) i'll follow them in a general sense, and try to act like we have something in common or share a certain action.
ex, i was in an aquarium in Seattle with my half-brothers (35 and 38 at the time) and my full brother (16 at the time, I being 14) I saw a girl, probably no more than a year older than i was, kind of normal and such, quite pretty, but as she was walking she was listening to some song i really liked at the time, something a lot of people didn't listen to. obviously my reaction was to follow her around. luckily i had music with me as well, including that specific band. I played one of there songs, a bit louder than what i normally listen to her, so she could hear. and continued to 'follow' her. all in all, nothing happened; she didnt say a word to me. those kind of things dont really bother me all to much, i just end up over-thinking the what ifs similar to your situation as to the internet making things easier for stalking purposes, reminds me of a commercial or show i once saw talking about a first time date. when the two met, the man asked her questions about certain things that had happened in her life that he had internet searched. he ended up being a creeper it's scary
__________________
signatures are for nerds nerds |
10-7-2008, 06:09 PM | #3 |
GotR Creator
|
Re: 1555WD
This isn't my situation. This is a story; it's fiction. That's why I posted it in Lit.
|
10-7-2008, 06:22 PM | #4 |
TWG Veteran
|
Re: 1555WD
That was fun to read. A bit of an eye-opener. And creepy. But, I liked it. Got any more?
|
10-7-2008, 06:37 PM | #5 |
Admiral in the Red Army
|
Re: 1555WD
This reminds me a bit of something I feel like I've seen or read before.
I just saw Hard Candy for the first time not long ago... maybe it's that I'm thinking of. But at the same time, I don't think so. There's something elemental to it, and that just doesn't seem like what I'm feeling for. By the way, good work on the title. I don't know if I would have given it a chance if the title hadn't gotten me to question it.
__________________
|
10-7-2008, 07:05 PM | #6 | |
Supreme Dictator For Life
|
Re: 1555WD
Well done. It was obviously believable. Wouldn't mind some expansion on your protagonist's personality because you haven't really established him as a complete creepjob, or if this is something out of the ordinary for him.
__________________
Back to "Back to Earth" Quote:
|
|
10-7-2008, 07:07 PM | #7 |
sideways 8
|
Re: 1555WD
you wrote it well then
sounded like a personal experience, and i don't check what forum im in the cats out the bag now though
__________________
signatures are for nerds nerds |
10-7-2008, 07:12 PM | #8 |
GotR Creator
|
Re: 1555WD
Well that's what I was going for sort of. I wanted the reader to sort of feel sorry for / pity the narrator at first, and then feel progressively more creeped out. I was purposely vague as to the narrator's intentions / level of creepjob because it's the nature of stalkers and the reason you don't just talk to strangers. You don't know who they are. I did mention right at the beginning that he had never stalked anyone before so it sort of gives you a frame of reference at least.
|
10-7-2008, 07:39 PM | #9 |
FFR Player
|
Re: 1555WD
Thoroughly enjoyed this story. That was bloody excellent.
I especially like how you made completely mundane tasks engaging. The ending was well worded, too.
__________________
Last edited by Tokzic: Today at 11:59 PM. Reason: wait what |
10-7-2008, 07:50 PM | #10 | ||
Supreme Dictator For Life
|
Re: 1555WD
Quote:
__________________
Back to "Back to Earth" Quote:
|
||
10-7-2008, 08:30 PM | #11 |
Don't forget me
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Age: 31
Posts: 6,491
|
Re: 1555WD
wow wtf creepy?!?! good thing no one would ever stalk me
__________________
|
10-7-2008, 08:34 PM | #12 |
Praise the sun mofo
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lordran
Age: 31
Posts: 4,281
|
Re: 1555WD
post for finish read later, its good so far
__________________
|
10-7-2008, 08:43 PM | #13 |
Admiral in the Red Army
|
Re: 1555WD
What the ****? This thing is short as hell. In my first post I very nearly said "would have been better if it was a bit longer".
And Fish, you didn't really address what I said. Did you have any inspiration for this? The only thing coming to mind with a similar motif is a few lines of dialogue from Hard Candy, but I really don't feel like that's it. But at the same time I feel like I've seen something sort of like this before.
__________________
|
10-7-2008, 09:09 PM | #14 |
GotR Creator
|
Re: 1555WD
Oh sorry, no I was just in line at the grocery store and I started thinking about how easy it is these days to find information. I mean I've seen Hard Candy but it was a long time ago and the concept is really the same.
|
10-7-2008, 09:28 PM | #15 |
CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
|
Re: 1555WD
Pretty good. I mean, the narrative just kind of... ends... But I did like it. I enjoyed the style. I'm very into narrators that talk to themselves and ponder things as if they're their own audience and that's all they need.
Also welcome to the wonderful world of being a writer where people pick the worst things out of stories and attribute them to your personality. It's great. Someone thought I actually murdered someone one time. It all has to do with reader interaction, though. You're closer to the audience than most authors, so there's a faux sense of intimacy. Write more, ******.
__________________
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! |
10-7-2008, 09:30 PM | #16 |
GotR Creator
|
Re: 1555WD
i spend all my writing power on my books
Oh well I'll just write stories about dastardly handsome gentlemen who are good at everything they do and always get the girl. |
10-7-2008, 09:34 PM | #17 |
CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
|
Re: 1555WD
I also write stories like that. It's pretty much autobiographical when you do that.
__________________
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! |
10-7-2008, 09:58 PM | #18 |
GotR Creator
|
Re: 1555WD
We're such lucky people, Mal.
|
10-7-2008, 10:03 PM | #19 |
caveman pornstar
|
Re: 1555WD
Call me crazy, but I thought the story would've been better if it was more ambiguous. I felt like it would've been more creepy and effective if the stalking ideas weren't explicitly stated from the get-go.
With that said, I really enjoyed the style of narration and the way you got the reader into the mind of the narrator. Good job.
__________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IREnpHco9mw |
10-7-2008, 10:17 PM | #20 |
GotR Creator
|
Re: 1555WD
you're crazy
but thanks for the comments, all of you thanks for the feedback |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|