My depersonalization over the last year

[Spenner]

I don't want to be pessimistic but you will likely be put on either some sort of antipsychotic or SSRI/antidepressant. I hope it helps. Noopept worked to counteract the negative effects of the antidepressents I were once on, so again, give it a google search and see what you think. I only reiterate this because the brain needs to be in good shape for the big positive changes to happen.

Eat real healthy, this is a chance to really get to know yourself, and to be mindful of your compulsions. Single the feelings out, analyze them. Don't think alongside them, pull them over and question them. Be your own thought police, and see if you can redirect things overtime.

[Litholia]

I don't really show my face around here much anymore and that's just because I'm a real busy guy irl now. But i felt like i had to read this, and had to post.

It shocked me how close our stories were, even down to how the headshops sell it, and tell you "its not for human consumption" clearly knowing that as soon as they get in the car, they're gonna light up a bowl.

I'd go as far as saying that this is less of an "incense" and more of a chemical that you smoke. I've witnessed a friend of mine get into a damn near fatal car accident high on this stuff. What really shocked me is that the brand names used in Smitty's town are the same ones being sold here. I havent smoked this stuff in a while, and am quite glad that smitty linked me this thread over skype because this was something i definitely needed to read.

Ive witnessed the shop owners own son sell it under the table to customers, and the kid cannot be 1 day over 14. Its actually sick now that i think about it.


As far as rehabilitation goes Smitty, its gonna be tough, as it is with all drugs, right? Just know that here is your home, you have great friends here, and you are someone that has always been respected by the many. Not only because you're actually good at this game, but because you're a real person, with real problems people can relate to. You will overcome this dude, i'm sure.

[popsicle_3000]

Originally Posted by Spenner

Noopept

don't waste your money

[emoluv666]

Originally Posted by XXXsmittyXXX

I guess i should mention i'm kind of seeing a 31 year old woman, who is a commander in the army, that knows about my addiction, who is my nextdoor neighbor and has a 5 year old son. She treats me like gold and i also feel that she will be a strong point for me making it out alive. She is pregnant by me, we don't know what to do yet.

damn this is a pretty big deal better get better for the sake of your future baby

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Originally Posted by Litholia

I don't really show my face around here much anymore and that's just because I'm a real busy guy irl now. But i felt like i had to read this, and had to post.

It shocked me how close our stories were, even down to how the headshops sell it, and tell you "its not for human consumption" clearly knowing that as soon as they get in the car, they're gonna light up a bowl.

I'd go as far as saying that this is less of an "incense" and more of a chemical that you smoke. I've witnessed a friend of mine get into a damn near fatal car accident high on this stuff. What really shocked me is that the brand names used in Smitty's town are the same ones being sold here. I havent smoked this stuff in a while, and am quite glad that smitty linked me this thread over skype because this was something i definitely needed to read.

Ive witnessed the shop owners own son sell it under the table to customers, and the kid cannot be 1 day over 14. Its actually sick now that i think about it.


As far as rehabilitation goes Smitty, its gonna be tough, as it is with all drugs, right? Just know that here is your home, you have great friends here, and you are someone that has always been respected by the many. Not only because you're actually good at this game, but because you're a real person, with real problems people can relate to. You will overcome this dude, i'm sure.

Hey man thanks for posting it's been a while. The thought of "not for human consumption" is running through my head like a madman right now. I'm still so turned off to the idea of selling this product even though i just bought it for 9+ months. To think that my friend Sal was purchasing this product fresh out of prison as a startup and money laundering company also sickens me.
five years of incarceration is obviously not enough to stop some drug lords from selling this product. Two daughters and a loving wife, not even enough to stop you.

http://www.wvec.com/news/York-County...233029741.html

[Litodude]

Lol

[XXXsmittyXXX]

"The federal indictment accuses Lopiccolo and the other defendants of distributing synthetic marijuana, bath salts, cocaine, crack cocaine, marijuana, methamphetamine and hallucinogenic mushrooms."

I think i need to mention once more that me and sarah walked or drove 1-2 minutes to this store every day for 6 weeks just not knowing. Knowledge is power. I must keep telling myself that.

[Spenner]

Originally Posted by popsicle_3000

don't waste your money

Okay I'm gonna need a more specific reason than this (also because: it's like $15 for a 5g bag of this supplement which has doses at 15mg).

Nootropics don't work well for everyone. A lot of people see no benefit because it's not doing anything that their brain needs. Higher memory thresholds, capacity for organizing information, is sometimes just ingrained in people, and taking noopept will not be as noticeable in it's effect. For a lot of people who have problems with memory and organizing their thoughts, it's a noticeable difference, especially when taken under the tongue. It's been a big help to me.

But before I elaborate aimlessly I do wonder why you think it's a waste of money particularly. It's been an aid for my bipolar disorder + depersonalization + attention span, and all around stabilizing thing to take. When I was taking mirtazapine, which made my brain feel like vanilla pudding, it helped with functioning while it was in my system.

[popsicle_3000]

Doing a literature search on nootropics, there isn't any evidence for their benefit for the things you describe. In fact, most of the research looked for benefits in the context of Alzheimers. These were mid '90s and '00s studies that didn't show any significant benefit.

For bipolar, depersonalization and attention span, there already are quite effective meds available treat those things.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Hello just an update. Haven't eaten so well today and i don't think i will for a while. at this point in time i just wish an instant solution was available to everything i am feeling right now. I feel like if i didn't have overwhelming support coming out of everythings butthole i would give up.... why does this have to happen to me

And i feel like i had a weird shaking episode in the shower earlier maybe some sort of seizure or a panic attack because my throat just wont swallow and it feels like its tightening. Hard to gather thoughts. I want to abuse but i won't because the willpower is too strong.

[Spenner]

Originally Posted by popsicle_3000

Doing a literature search on nootropics, there isn't any evidence for their benefit for the things you describe. In fact, most of the research looked for benefits in the context of Alzheimers. These were mid '90s and '00s studies that didn't show any significant benefit.

For bipolar, depersonalization and attention span, there already are quite effective meds available treat those things.

You don't think that memory is related at all though? From a self observational standpoint, a lot of my bipolar triggers have to do with not noticing or not paying attention to what my thoughts are manifesting in, or having trains of thought break off like ice would from an arctic shore. Once a mood swing has begun, I can't remember or think about anything that ISN'T isolated in the state of the mood.

While on noopept, once a mood swing begins, I still have a threshold for grounding myself. A similar experience happens with depersonalization, which is typically an all-consuming part of my mood swings that persists. Call it placebo or what you like, but there is a difference where faith is not a factor in perpetuating the therapeutic benefits.

http://examine.com/supplements/Noopept/

There's a lot of study done on mice, and yes it's just mice, but it's already shown promise with alzheimers patients with mechanisms consistent with that in the animal models, it's not out of the ballpark to guess that some of the other benefits of the drug are also taking effect.

A lot of anecdotal reports, not empirical evidence, and it's unfortunate that more research hasn't been done as of yet. But I feel like there's potential, they undeniably have a neurological benefit. Whether or not that is shown in the character of a person is another deal. But I stand by saying you have nothing to lose by trying it, it's cheap and at LEAST it's got laboratory study to back up it's action unlike alternative medicines lol.

In short, I think (<-- yes, anecdotal) memory plays a role in the disorders I've addressed it to be beneficial for, maybe indirectly, maybe more directly. The mind during the disorder experiences memory impairment that prolongs a lot of the negative symptoms/makes them seem so prolonged. If your memory is impaired, your mental organization may be poor, you may be cycling yourself deeper without knowing it.

Originally Posted by XXXsmittyXXX

Hello just an update. Haven't eaten so well today and i don't think i will for a while. at this point in time i just wish an instant solution was available to everything i am feeling right now. I feel like if i didn't have overwhelming support coming out of everythings butthole i would give up.... why does this have to happen to me

And i feel like i had a weird shaking episode in the shower earlier maybe some sort of seizure or a panic attack because my throat just wont swallow and it feels like its tightening. Hard to gather thoughts. I want to abuse but i won't because the willpower is too strong.

I would try to push away the idea of a seizure from your mind because it's just going to create more anxiety for you. It's very likely a symptom of anxiety, as with everything you're feeling in general. It's hard to adapt to how your body feels in a withdrawl, perhaps just because you become so used to thinking in a high frame of mind that now there's too much on your plate (and you're not hungry).

If I were a doctor you would be on mirtazapine or something of the sort until your symptoms of anxiety go away, it would be good to use for now because it's also an appetite stimulant. If nothing feels appetizing, try your best to picture your food as nutrition to bandage your body with (and don't automatically retort with "well I feel like shit, I kind of want to"-- you don't), eat fruit and veggies, things that won't sit in your stomach and feel heavy, things you don't necessarily need to be hungry to eat, but are healthy at this point.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

And these issues stemmed from you consuming herbal incense / k2 spenner? Or have you always had bipolarity. I know that about 5 months after i began this addiction my mood began to fluctuate without control and it still does. I will be laughing wildly one minute and having a mental breakdown the next, and screaming and yelling following suit.

[Spenner]

They didn't stem from using K2 although I've had synthetic cannabinoids a few times (depersonalization is always visited in varying levels of intensity when using them). I've had the issues ever since highschool and have been struggling with dealing with them and finding ways to numb or distract things too. Smoking a lot of weed at first was great but it soon became both an antidote and a poison. I thought that it helped episodes of depersonalization but it actually just consumed me deeper and made the episodes feel more meditative and escapist.

I never really had a problem with an addiction to it that lasted (I would never physically give into MOST compulsions, and time and time again when I did, I would regret it either immediately or after), but perceived psychological dependence is huge. Your mind puts words in it's own mouth. Even if it doesn't, it feels like you should reach out to use it for a reason that you will come up with. At least with me, it manifested in a lot of irrationalities, any psychological compulsion. I had a perception of what the drug was, and the perception was false.

With that feeling that I NEED something to fill a mental gap, it would start the cycle of moods spinning around like crazy. Not having anything to vent the feeling towards gets me wanting to abuse something, and drawing with music helps expel the feeling well. Everyone's got a thing for that.

Anyhow as you might be able to tell my attention span is short still lol. Honestly that's a huge part of depressive mood swings, my attention span is so short, that I don't even have a capacity to create thoughts that can convince me that there's anything other than the negative moods. I don't know if you can relate to any of this but I figured I'd vent about it all the same

[choof]

story time

I went through a period like there where I smoked spice non-stop, it was pretty okay for a while until I started smoking copious amounts, trying to catch that first high, etc. One night I smoked way too much, and fell into a kind of dissociative paranoia. It freaked me the fuck out, but I slept it off. Next night, I thought, "eh that was a one time thing." So I lit up, and about 30 minutes later I was on the phone with 911, literally on the verge of tears. It was terrible, it wasn't fun. But I did it again the next night. It was then that I simply threw my piece away, and never touched the stuff.

It was crazy hard to stay away from the stuff after that. I was always craving it; lasted about a month before the cravings started to really go away. I guess you could also say I had an "afterglow" effect as well, as I didn't feel right in the head for a few months after that.

On a lighter note, I stepped Vortex and about 75% of Robotomy high on spice lmfao.

I know what it's like man, stay strong. Keep yourself occupied, and try as hard as you can to not think about it.

[speeddemon]

Well. Good luck, guy. My roommate that used to be a friend of mine is now stuck taking antipsychotics for the rest of his life because he smoked way too much of the stuff, and is nowhere near the same person. Hope you can make it through without having to deal with that, it's sad knowing how someone used to be and seeing how much drugs have fucked them up.

[GuidoHunter]

It's really weird to hear all these stories about y'all having issues with this stuff when I'd never heard of it before this thread.

So, uh, yay for exposure, at least? It feels kind of strange to cheer anything in this thread besides everyone's resolve to get past using the stuff.

--Guido

[Mollocephalus]

Hey smitty, everyone told you to be occupied with different things, but in your condition some activities could be frustrating and/or increase your anxiety. Why don't you try doing some slow task dealing with something relaxing? Something like tending to plants or making a little garden corner, or maybe little bricolage works which aren't too intricate - drawing and painting might also help. Experiment with things you feel can create a status of peace around you, and do it with the most relaxed mindset you can afford, meaning you don't look for results, you look for cleansing through the activity itself. Many cheers and get better!

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Originally Posted by choof

story time

I went through a period like there where I smoked spice non-stop, it was pretty okay for a while until I started smoking copious amounts, trying to catch that first high, etc. One night I smoked way too much, and fell into a kind of dissociative paranoia. It freaked me the fuck out, but I slept it off. Next night, I thought, "eh that was a one time thing." So I lit up, and about 30 minutes later I was on the phone with 911, literally on the verge of tears. It was terrible, it wasn't fun. But I did it again the next night. It was then that I simply threw my piece away, and never touched the stuff.

It was crazy hard to stay away from the stuff after that. I was always craving it; lasted about a month before the cravings started to really go away. I guess you could also say I had an "afterglow" effect as well, as I didn't feel right in the head for a few months after that.

On a lighter note, I stepped Vortex and about 75% of Robotomy high on spice lmfao.

I know what it's like man, stay strong. Keep yourself occupied, and try as hard as you can to not think about it.

About a week ago i had an episode like that too. I took a giant gravity bong blast and stood up and my heart started to run it's own marathon race so i held the phone in my hand with my thumb on the 9 button just waiting to feel the 'feeling' where it's time to call. I was smoking 5 grams a night more or less. So i guess ingesting copious amounts of it is really what sets things off on the bad path.

Good morning everyone i am feeling .. how to say.. idk. Really disconnected. I don't enjoy food i just want to eat a fucking sandwich and actually LIKE IT. So shakey this morning it has to be withdrawals i want to smoke but i can't or it's back to square one. I am beyond agitated at this situation. and thousands of people here are also feeling this way. It's sad to know that in the few days i have not gone to high tyde, that about 700+ people have. This has to stop eventually.. or more people will keep dropping left and right.
I'm going to go run somewhere idk keeping occupied isn't working. I am mad

[Cavernio]

Can you move somewhere for the time being?

Twice now you've had episodes in your shower, sounds like you're waking up in the same place and wanting a hit. If you go someplace where you've never had a hit before it should make the cravings easier. Like, I can't work at home very well, because home is where I don't work. Get me out of the house and suddenly it's like 'oh yeah, I can write no problem' or 'hey, this project isn't so bad afterall'.
I know my example is weaksauce compared to what you're going through, but the principles are exactly the same. Seriously consider going to visit a relative, maybe stay at your woman's house next door. Just to sleep somewhere and wake up surrounded by a place where you have never used this or other drugs before and it should help the cravings.

You also should really find something to occupy your time, something that's scheduled, something that can become another habit to take the place of the drugs. I suppose it's best if you find something you enjoy, but that's probably not going to really happen in your state of mind, so just find something to DO. It's easier to tell yourself to do something than to not do something. Your post tomorrow should be about what you did today and what you plan to do that day.


Unfortunately, things like spice, whose formulae change just as soon as the previous concoction is banned, can always stay one step ahead of the process needed to ban illegal substances.

[Spenner]

There will always be another "spice", the can never ban all the cannabinoids, there's so many of them, and SO many yet undiscovered.
Not all of them are bad, some actually would help Smitty very much in this case like cannabidiol and JWH-133.

idk dude the cannabinoid system is weird. Sometimes I'll have a nice time, but just last week my heartrate was 180bpm after smoking, it's just a hit or miss. You have to not associate the drug like you would a substance like alcohol I guess. It's a full on dissociative lol. Don't smoke it because you do not want to dissociate, be out of control of your mind and have your body feel like it's in dire need of help.

Drink sleepytime tea, yogi kava tea, Idunno anything to aid a relaxation excersize. Practice meditating, go do stuff. Sitting back in the place you always used to smoke K2, not smoking K2, is making things hard.

Find some sort of outlet. I can tell by the tone of your posts here-- you are posting mostly in the depths of depressive phases in your life and that's not the whole you. Anything you can do that requires little effort, that you can just free-flow and do like art; it just tends to remind the brain that there's something else than the depressive thoughts. I don't feel like I'm drawing when I do draw in a deep mood swing, which triggers me to start questioning whether or not I'm really being rational in my thoughts (I'm not, but I can never tell). After that, things get better. You start chipping away at the snowball that's been rolling and soon it's flattened out. Eventually you can learn to be vigilant to the point of which you can feel the first sign of a snowball effect happening, emotionally, and you can stop it.