I try some poetry

V-Ormix · 10-10-2013, 08:10 PM

I don't mind criticism, please, hit me. Just make it constructive please. I do want to work harder were there is room to improve as long as I know were the room is.

To be damned a life were polish is predictably ware and shine, dull from the days before realization happens again, a place I would go is a place of going. Those thoughts of clarity well eyes gaze into the night sky speak feelings therapeutic to sanity. The end of the road was here were the polish starts to ware, those stars shine brightest of all, as the real food symbolized reality by nature and nature by naturality. The eyes were now shut as the world turned away and the ware was no were to be seen well dreams entertain the soul.

Arntonach · 10-10-2013, 08:24 PM

Needs some "oomph" to make it sound a little more poetic, in a sense. Also the wall of text format isn't user friendly. X_X

Sorry if the pointers aren't too helpful, but I just felt that some stuff needs to be addressed first.

V-Ormix · 10-10-2013, 08:46 PM

Yeah it would help if I mentioned what I meant by "polish" first lmao but basically how I start going some were in life only to go back and forth again. going some were doing some thing with my life would be my polish. and yeah its more like a monolog that I labeled poetry.

edit: yeah ill work on my formatting at some point or another but yeah those are very helpful as you say "starters" so if Im going to do it right I should try to get thins right the first time.

**redsea** · 10-10-2013, 09:20 PM

Content wise, great!! Very thoughtful expression! But, like Arn said, try to make it look friendly to the reader!

10-10-2013, 08:10 PM	#1
V-Ormix Banned Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,677	I try some poetry I don't mind criticism, please, hit me. Just make it constructive please. I do want to work harder were there is room to improve as long as I know were the room is. To be damned a life were polish is predictably ware and shine, dull from the days before realization happens again, a place I would go is a place of going. Those thoughts of clarity well eyes gaze into the night sky speak feelings therapeutic to sanity. The end of the road was here were the polish starts to ware, those stars shine brightest of all, as the real food symbolized reality by nature and nature by naturality. The eyes were now shut as the world turned away and the ware was no were to be seen well dreams entertain the soul. Last edited by V-Ormix; 10-10-2013 at 08:13 PM..

10-10-2013, 08:24 PM	#2
Arntonach Owlbears Rock! Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: The coldest place in hell Age: 33 Posts: 2,492	Re: I try some poetry Needs some "oomph" to make it sound a little more poetic, in a sense. Also the wall of text format isn't user friendly. X_X Sorry if the pointers aren't too helpful, but I just felt that some stuff needs to be addressed first. __________________ pack of hard stuffs pack of my stuffs

10-10-2013, 08:46 PM	#3
V-Ormix Banned Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,677	Re: I try some poetry Yeah it would help if I mentioned what I meant by "polish" first lmao but basically how I start going some were in life only to go back and forth again. going some were doing some thing with my life would be my polish. and yeah its more like a monolog that I labeled poetry. edit: yeah ill work on my formatting at some point or another but yeah those are very helpful as you say "starters" so if Im going to do it right I should try to get thins right the first time.

10-10-2013, 09:20 PM	#4
redsea seek ye first the kingdom Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: New York Age: 30 Posts: 181	Re: I try some poetry Content wise, great!! Very thoughtful expression! But, like Arn said, try to make it look friendly to the reader!

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