Old 10-23-2012, 09:41 AM   #1
FFR Player
moches's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 3,996
Default How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

This is by far the most productive thing that will result from my taking the SAT.

SAT Prompt #16
“I farted.” –Plato
Question: Is it better to fart than not to fart at all?

You’re seriously going to make me do this.
Manny—oh, wow, sweaty palms—MANY people will reference the comically squeaky sound, the odious odor that odorizes everything in a two-foot radius, and the environmental cost of farting methane into our environment as reasons not to engage in flatulence—okay, none of that is true. As anybody who has heard “he who smelt it, dealt it,” will attest, anybody who actually argues against farting is a hypocrite by nature. But this is obviously what you want me to begin with so I can then spend the rest of my essay tearing down the opinions of these nonexistent “many people” and pat myself on the back for being such an independent mind. But I digress; unfortunately, in my rage I forgot not to write this rant on my test sheet, and now my first paragraph is way too long, so if we can just start over—
Oh, we’re already down to twenty-one minutes? Okay.
MANY PEOPLE will reference a bunch of blahblahblah as reasons not to fart. However, they are all fartfaces of the highest order because farting is a completely natural activity to engage in, and as I will show you through scientific, social, and personal examples, as if I even cared about science or society (of course I care about myself, and thankfully, I remembered not to write this thought down this time), farting is a way for us to pursue liberation from the established order of things.
As I already (accidentally, and regrettably) mentioned in my longass introduction, farting is a completely natural act. The average person, in fact, farts fourteen times a day. (That is totally scientific because I saw it on Nickelodeon. When I was eight years old. And still didn’t speak a breath of decent English. I would talk some more about that fact, but I have seventeen minutes and two more body paragraphs to write. And I still have to finish this one. Just to check, you guys have fact checkers, right? Right? Oh, you don’t? I have an idea.)
I have more information that is absolutely legitimate, which you will surely later check to validate. According to a study conducted by the incredibly reliable Harvard University, 88% of historical figures in the twentieth century farted at least twice as often as the average person, including people like Martin Luther King, who let one rip every time he nailed a particularly insightful point, and Neil Armstrong, who had to get a Febreze dispenser installed in his spacesuit so he wouldn’t suffocate on long trips. The other 12% were probably all of the boring people, like that guy who invented penicillin and that other guy who got impeached for some other boring stuff. Anyway, this totally scientific study which I did not make up proves that the tendency to pass the gas is correlated with qualities of leadership, which proves something else about my thesis and my hands really hurt already.
(Okay. Third paragraph. Eleven minutes. Proofreading took a while; perhaps I should skip that from now on.)
Socially, farting is break from the status quo, a ways for us to pursue our individuality and asserts ourselves. Maya Angelou, in famous book That Bird Is Singing in a Cage (oh, I really hope I got that title right) recounted a story of a sit-in she attended where white police officers forced their way to the counter and assaultid the nonviolent protestors. The civil rights protestors were totes (who has time to write “totally”?) an unprotected class, and farting was one of the only ways they had to assert their…dammitcrampscrampscramps…humaneities. Through farding (that is NOT correct, but I have nine minutes to write and none of them to revise), the whole world is unites in mélange of sounds and smells, which all human, regardles of status, class, or race, can take part inn. (Of course, Angelou didn’t talk about farting at all in her book, but the way I wrote this paragraph, you just might be fooled. Even if you don’t bite, the way I used “mélange” as if I actually knew what it meant will certainly net me at least a few points for vocabulary. At least I have enough time to write my last paragraph now.)
Finally, my personal experience with farting has given me an understand—
“Three minutes left, guys.”
Okayokayokay somethingaboutfarting. I…uh…I have fart throughout my entire life (grit your teeth and power through the humiliation). When I younger, my farts get reactions of revulssion and angers (am I really writing this?). I had a friend who constantly laughs at me and call me Gassy Ass (this friend was imaginary, and I just made him up, but at least this sounds convincing). However, as I was a matured, my farts was mature as well (nonononoIwillnotlivethisdown). I learned to not fear the rejections of others and embrace my flatulence (I’m sorry, Mom). Now, every time I farts, I stop to consider the…the…the cramps! The ease that I does it with. Farting should be done confidently, as a reminder of who we is.
“One minute!”
(Oh crap, a conclusion.)
As we can see in the three examples I have explained today, farting should not be treated as something to be avoids—avoided but something to see as integral part of our individuality and perhapss if we accept this pastime we can see beyond status quoses and into our (TEN SECONDS LEFT) souls so that we can finish what the thoughts we have in our and the last part of this sente

My satire skills are...undeveloped, to say the least, so any feedback/criticism on this would be greatly appreciated! I hope you enjoyed it
moches is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 10:33 AM   #2
FFR Simfile AuthorD7 Elite KeysmasherFFR Veteran
Xayphon's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 1,596
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

So if I avoid farts I'm not an individual anymore? I should keep this in mind !!

So ya, good job writing more about farts than the question implies

Have you written that stuff in the brackets during or after writing?

Last edited by Xayphon; 10-23-2012 at 10:35 AM..
Xayphon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 10:42 AM   #3
FFR Player
moches's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 3,996
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

this actually isnt an actual SAT prompt lol...I chose farting to poke fun at how inane the entire test is

the brackets represent my thoughts hehe

thanx! for reading!!!!!
moches is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 02:07 PM   #4
sideways 8
FFR Veteran
infinity.'s Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1,706
Send a message via AIM to infinity.
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

i thoroughly enjoyed this.
especially you're opening sentence in the first paragraph

signatures are for nerds

infinity. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 03:55 PM   #5
User Administrator
AdministratorDeveloperFFR Simfile AuthorFFR Veteran
PrawnSkunk's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Age: 26
Posts: 3,779
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

I Laughed Out Loud.

:') art
PrawnSkunk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 07:42 PM   #6
Them arrows.
FFR Veteran
tofurox's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Allen, Texas
Age: 28
Posts: 2,162
Send a message via MSN to tofurox
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

If a man farts in a classroom and no one is around to smell it, does it stink?

This sig has been enhanced by the FFR Staff for being too large. Thank you for participating.
tofurox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 07:48 PM   #7
i love you
Live a wonderful life~
FFR Simfile AuthorFFR Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,214
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

Single Release Dumps:

2. High School Musicial (Click banner to download~)


i love you is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-30-2012, 08:32 PM   #8
D7 Elite Keymasher
D7 Elite KeysmasherFFR Veteran
mrpreggers's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 3,294
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

did palto realy say that?
mrpreggers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-30-2012, 08:49 PM   #9
FFR Player
moches's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 3,996
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

nop lol
moches is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2012, 04:19 AM   #10
FFR Player
massflavour's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: under the coke sign
Posts: 3,103
Send a message via AIM to massflavour Send a message via MSN to massflavour
Default Re: How to Assemble an Essay in 25 Minutes

this is a chore to read. double space lol
massflavour is offline   Reply With Quote

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:34 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright FlashFlashRevolution