cry for help

[DaBackpack]

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555

like, i repress myself a lot when i post on the forums or else y'all would ban me

I want to see this tbh

[rayword45]

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555

my style of humor is saying really npc shit but looking like an unassuming person, haha.

this sounds remarkably similar to regular conversations with me just add really dumb degrading anecdotes

[Funnygurl555]

update again: i took the job. i was leaning towards sticking around bc a) ima get health insurance quicker since i still don't have that now b) comedy scene (there's a standup contest at the end of the month that i really want to do, as well as a robust comedy scene in austin that i hadn't taken advantage of rip)

im starting work tomorrow though, which i still don't really think im ready for, but i didn't want to appear sick to the guy interviewing me either. also $ ;___;

i'll be busy until 9pm tomorrow so on fri im gonna have to start making a game plan about treatment, since i need it. since i'll be working, i might just go for therapy instead, but i feel like that would take a while to set up. (and yeah i wasn't going through therapy throughout the time i was in austin. i kinda always hated it and preferred just taking medication instead. i have some pretty pathological thought streams this time around though, so therapy might help.)

edit:

Originally Posted by DaBackpack

I want to see this tbh

lmao i dont wanna ban though

Originally Posted by rayword45

this sounds remarkably similar to regular conversations with me just add really dumb degrading anecdotes

i do that too when i'm just talking to people. i'd incorporate that into standup but i'm bad at telling stories... which i should prolly get better at

[Wayward Vagabond]

I'm always here for you fam <3

[XelNya]

A while back you sent me a PM back when I made a post I think it was about why I don't post much here anymore, something like that.

Was some of the nicest things I've had said to me. Thanks again for that btw.

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555

lmao i dont wanna ban though

First off, I love this comedy standup routine, and thought maybe you'd like it, especially because it's pertinent.

Also, be yourself. Fuck getting banned, it's hardly a punishment.

I suck at this kinda stuff, but I hope you can find a good network of support and work on ways to keep plugging around.

[kawaiifu]

only the best of us get banned at least every once in a while

be yourself, fuck the rules

[Gravity Kitten]

[flashflash account]

getting banned from the forum doesn't mean crap if you can still play TWG, let's be honest

[Sky Kitten]

Sending lots of hugs from afar. <3 You are never alone and you are one amazing woman.

If you ever need a listening ear, you can message me on Discord any time.

[Funnygurl555]

Originally Posted by XelNya

A while back you sent me a PM back when I made a post I think it was about why I don't post much here anymore, something like that.

Was some of the nicest things I've had said to me. Thanks again for that btw.

yeah man of course

First off, I love this comedy standup routine, and thought maybe you'd like it, especially because it's pertinent.

the second half of that made me crack up

Also, be yourself. Fuck getting banned, it's hardly a punishment.

Originally Posted by kawaiifu

only the best of us get banned at least every once in a while

be yourself, fuck the rules

ok

Originally Posted by flashflash account

getting banned from the forum doesn't mean crap if you can still play TWG, let's be honest

but... but you can't 'cause twg is on the forums

Originally Posted by Gravity Kitten

sorry, idgi

Originally Posted by Sky Kitten

Sending lots of hugs from afar. <3 You are never alone and you are one amazing woman.

If you ever need a listening ear, you can message me on Discord any time.

thank you!! that means a lot

[XelNya]

TWG lets you play if you're banned on an alt as long as it happened during the game I think is the rule.

[Funnygurl555]

ya learn new stuff everyday

[Svaz]

IDK your precise context, but I do know my own with alcohol, I can at least speak to that much. I’ve never properly addressed my mental state in a clinical context outside of getting diagnoses off the books (you sure can get away with this shit working medically I suppose) so unfortunately no good insights there.

I try to set up really specific contexts for when I drink and limit how much I have around the house (generally effective as I feel awkward when people at the VAbc know my face). One big thing I do is always ensure I only drink in a social context — if I drink alone it’s more liable to get out of control and go to some dark places, not to mention the sleep is never good just because of how alcohol metabolizes. I’m not always perfect about this — lately I’ve had virtually no social life and people I can drink with so I’ve been just boozing some weekends with friends over discord (and OK yes this is why I spilled beer all over my laptop and have no computer outside of mobile right now. I’m stupid lol)

I think the last bit is important because of one thing, people you know over the internet count as real people and real friends so think of them/us that way. You’ve always got a whole ass community filled with people that genuinely give a shit about and even empathize with you where other people you might know through other means just don’t get as vulnerable or as open with you for whatever social standards they operate on. We’re always here for you and each other dude

I will probably never experience the pressure of being an immigrant properly (I’ve only been an occasional stranger in a foreign country) but I know there are definitely other people here who’ve lived that path too. One other thing, in my experience setting up goals for yourself is great but the good feeling from achievement dissipates when I start comparing myself to the external successes of others, perhaps this is some basic bitch shit, but comparision really is the thief of joy and can get you feeling shitty in no time.

Also I don’t think you should feel silly or awkward or embarrassed over a thread like this, I mean I’ve made similar posts myself so who would I be to judge? I think the beauty of something like this is that it allows you to express yourself more directly than you would in another social context and it’s important you’re still willing to rather than giving in to the passive and active death wishes. Fwiw I’ve given serious thought into barreling my car and body into the underside of an overpass more times than I can count, but the will to fight that impulse is tantamount.

What helped me assuage stuff like that a little more is reflecting or even journaling shit that made the day worth it, even if it’s not expressly happiness because you might not find that right away each day, some days you might not find it at all. I think you managed to do that even here already a little bit, from gratitude towards other posters to even mentioning Jess. Granted I’m not at the point where it’s totally gone, maybe that time will never come, but I can peacefully resolve it a little better rather than trying to drown it out and probably puking and crying after.

Life is ducking bullshit and I think pretty much everyone here can empathize with that on some level. It might make her cry but leveling with your mom on how you’re feeling might be worth it, it sounds at least like she’s coming from a place of concern and love.

One last note, you could try working some of this real shit into your routine, it can make some great material, Marie Bamford is a good example of that imo

[Antori]

i love you funnygurl even if you roll wolf

[inDheart]

Originally Posted by XelNya

TWG lets you play if you're banned on an alt as long as it happened during the game I think is the rule.

2 caveats:
- temp ban
- even then it's host discretion

but ya

[Xiz]

I feel like in this day in age, getting an infraction/banned on FFR is a right of passage.

You are never, ever alone.

Also, I've found for me doing something creatively helps express how I feel. By channeling those feelings into something creative helps fuel my passion I have found. Channel some of that into new material?

You opening up and talking about it speaks volumes.

You are strong funnygurl. I believe in you.

[rayword45]

Originally Posted by Xiz

I feel like in this day in age, getting an infraction/banned on FFR is a right of passage.

i survived 3.5 years of being underage but got banned for calling some magachud a cuck a few months back

[Funnygurl555]

Originally Posted by Svaz

I try to set up really specific contexts for when I drink and limit how much I have around the house (generally effective as I feel awkward when people at the VAbc know my face). One big thing I do is always ensure I only drink in a social context — if I drink alone it’s more liable to get out of control and go to some dark places, not to mention the sleep is never good just because of how alcohol metabolizes. I’m not always perfect about this — lately I’ve had virtually no social life and people I can drink with so I’ve been just boozing some weekends with friends over discord (and OK yes this is why I spilled beer all over my laptop and have no computer outside of mobile right now. I’m stupid lol)

yeah i should probably stop drinking alone. i dont have a social life here though, so that would mean virtually not drinking lol. back when i did, i never drank alone (well, i did like once or twice i think when i was in college).

i also spilled booze on my laptop before too and had to get it fixed and it hurt my soul. fortunately it didn't cost too much though

I think the last bit is important because of one thing, people you know over the internet count as real people and real friends so think of them/us that way. You’ve always got a whole ass community filled with people that genuinely give a shit about and even empathize with you where other people you might know through other means just don’t get as vulnerable or as open with you for whatever social standards they operate on. We’re always here for you and each other dude

i do think of online people as real friends it's allowed me to meet some cool people. i'm still in touch with some old friends that i met online over 9 years ago

One other thing, in my experience setting up goals for yourself is great but the good feeling from achievement dissipates when I start comparing myself to the external successes of others, perhaps this is some basic bitch shit, but comparision really is the thief of joy and can get you feeling shitty in no time.

on the one hand, i know this? but it's also so hard not to compare myself to other people T-T and that's always gonna be a losing battle 'cause my peers are insane

Also I don’t think you should feel silly or awkward or embarrassed over a thread like this, I mean I’ve made similar posts myself so who would I be to judge? I think the beauty of something like this is that it allows you to express yourself more directly than you would in another social context and it’s important you’re still willing to rather than giving in to the passive and active death wishes. Fwiw I’ve given serious thought into barreling my car and body into the underside of an overpass more times than I can count, but the will to fight that impulse is tantamount.

What helped me assuage stuff like that a little more is reflecting or even journaling shit that made the day worth it, even if it’s not expressly happiness because you might not find that right away each day, some days you might not find it at all. I think you managed to do that even here already a little bit, from gratitude towards other posters to even mentioning Jess. Granted I’m not at the point where it’s totally gone, maybe that time will never come, but I can peacefully resolve it a little better rather than trying to drown it out and probably puking and crying after.

i've stopped feeling awkward about making this thread haha. at first i really was though. y'alls support makes me feel a lot less alone, so thank you <3

i'll try the journaling thing

Life is ducking bullshit and I think pretty much everyone here can empathize with that on some level. It might make her cry but leveling with your mom on how you’re feeling might be worth it, it sounds at least like she’s coming from a place of concern and love.

i'll talk to her in time, but i don't want to now. i'm mad at her for saying what she did even though i get why. she's probably still mad at me too

One last note, you could try working some of this real shit into your routine, it can make some great material, Marie Bamford is a good example of that imo

noted, and i'll check her out!

Originally Posted by Antori

i love you funnygurl even if you roll wolf

antori

Originally Posted by Xiz

I feel like in this day in age, getting an infraction/banned on FFR is a right of passage.

You are never, ever alone.

Also, I've found for me doing something creatively helps express how I feel. By channeling those feelings into something creative helps fuel my passion I have found. Channel some of that into new material?

You opening up and talking about it speaks volumes.

You are strong funnygurl. I believe in you.

thanks xiz!!

and noted about channeling feelings into material

Originally Posted by rayword45

but got banned for calling some magachud a cuck a few months back

that was hilarious to read

[Funnygurl555]

i got discharged today after a week of being in a psych ward, so i'm bumping this thread. i wrote a journal while i was there, which is long, but yeah, if you're interested. all the names of people who were in the ward with me (including staff) were altered

link

i'm going home on wednesday. can't really handle being on my own.

[XelNya]

Originally Posted by Funnygurl555

i got discharged today after a week of being in a psych ward, so i'm bumping this thread. i wrote a journal while i was there, which is long, but yeah, if you're interested. all the names of people who were in the ward with me (including staff) were altered

link

i'm going home on wednesday. can't really handle being on my own.

That was a rough read. Glad to see you sought some professional help as your choice though.