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FFR Player
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This is my transcript for my English Oral on Monday and i was just posting it here so you guys could have a look through and give me some constructive criticisms or any way to improve it. The topic of the Oral was the 2006 Have a Say Day. We had to find a newspaper article or popular culture text and either agree or dissagree with what the article was putting forward. I did a Article on the Nimbin drug festival and how the article was sending a message to teens that drug use is a acceptable thing.
Mardi Grass. For today’s have a say day I will be talking about the annual Mardi Grass hemp festival and how it should stoped.The article I have looked at which is entitled ‘Police Storm Hippie Haven’ by Paul Weston which was published in the Sunday Mail on the 14th May. In the article it says how federal police have moved in on the festival to stop the influx of the more hard drugs, as well as hearing from the festival organiser that the police should crack down on amphetamine users and leave the ‘pot smokers’ alone. Is this the right kind of message to be sending the youth of Australia, that smoking cannabis at a hippie festival is acceptable but doing other drugs isn’t? I believe that this festival should be stopped, this is not the right message teens should be getting. The whole town of Nimbin is a shrine to Cannabis use; it’s promoted at every corner of every street in the town. The website promotes the town as an alternative lifestyle, Home to the Aquarius Festival of 1972. The Aquarius Festival was the first incarnation of the Mardi Grass festival where scores of hippies flocked to Nimbin for an Alternative Art festival, the art festival turned into a hemp festival, and the hippies stayed on and set up shop. Now along the one of the streets of Nimbin you can find a Hemp Bar, catering to all your marijuana needs. You can also find their local museum dedicated to the history of cannabis use, with a bright displayed of coloured Kombis promoting the use of weed. Just outside the museum you can also find a sign blocking a local security camera which reads, “Hemp crops are the go, let it grow.” Nimbin is also the home of ‘Hemp Clothing’ where one can purchase clothing made purely out of hemp, so when you get bored of it why not smoke it. So is this the kind of place that kids should be growing up in? Should teenagers be positioned into thinking that cannabis use and hippie towns that promote it, are an acceptable thing. In the article it states that the police have stormed Nimbin to. The organiser of this festival claims that these harder drugs are more harmful than cannabis, even if there is well documented short term and long term side effects, Including, problems with memory and learning, distorted perception, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, loss of coordination, and increased heart rate, anxiety, and panic attacks. Some of the long term effects include, Respiratory problems similar to a pack a day smoker, Chronic Bronchitis, as well as this Marijuana contains some of the same, and sometimes even more, of the cancer-causing chemicals found in cigarette smoke. Some of the heavier users of Marijuana have permanent damage to their memory, judgment and perception as well as their learning and attention skills. I used to go to primary school with a boy whose old brother smoked marijuana. He’s now in his 20’s and has chronic schizophrenia is locked up in an institution. A recent research program on minors smoking Marijuana revealed that those who use marijuana have lower achievement than the non-users, more acceptance of deviant behavior and are more prone delinquent behavior and aggression. The festival organizer acknowledges that there has been a rise in violence in the past 12 months but he contributes this to Meth Amphetamine use. So with all of this evidence that Marijuana use will damage and/or kill you, why is there a festival celebrating its use. This is send a message to teenagers that Marijuana use is acceptable and should be celebrated as long as you don’t do other drugs. I don’t think there will be a kiosk at the festival or an exhibit at the museum on the negative effects of smoking Hemp. In the article the local residents of Nimbin have been marginalized. This article has a very dominant reading that Marijuana is an acceptable thing which needs a festival. The resistant reading is that we shouldn’t do the harder drugs because they are more harmful, even though there’s sufficient proof of the harmfulness of Hemp. Some gaps and silences in the text is how many police have been sent into curb the use of amphetamines. You also don’t hear from any of the youth of Nimbin. This article is biased towards the festival in Nimbin it does nothing to criticize it or discourage people from attending. It promotes and publicizes the festival, museum and Hemp bar. This article sends a negative message to teenagers that Marijuana use is acceptable. So in conclusion this Mardi Grass Festival needs to be stopped. It sends a message to teenagers that smoking weed should be celebrated. This festival does not highlight the dangers and side effects of cannabis usage; it does not in anyway discourage the use of it either. The organizers himself has blamed other drugs for the recent rise in violence, even though a recent investigation as shown that cannabis use is as harmful if not more so than other drugs. This is the worst possible message to be sent to the impressionable teenagers of Australia. This festival and any festival celebrating the use of illegal drugs should be stop immediately. So what do you think. ***this remains the property of Mattyohh aka Matthew O'Keefe an is not to be copy or reproduced as your own work.***
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#2 |
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Retired BOSS
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little background... where is Nimbum? is it legal to smoke pot / carry small amounts of pot in the country where Nimbum is? I'm guessing it is in Australia.
I'll save your awful grammar for someone else... it is just too big of a task for me to undertake. Finally, pot, when used recreationally, really isn't that harmful. It isn't until you get into the harder stuff that you really see issues. That is why the penalties for things like pot, acid, X, and 'shrooms are less harsh than things like meth, heroin, and coke.
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#3 | |
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FFR Player
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Hamilton Ontario
Age: 32
Posts: 461
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i read the first sentence..
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If this is an oral presentation, you really need to dumb down your word choices. While the thesaurus is a good idea for a written paper, you really need to use lower language to an uninformed audience. Reduce the use of complex sentences, an audience can't follow them aurally unless your voice inflection is absolutely amazing, and seeing as you're 16 I'm going to assume you're not a professional public speaker.
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#5 |
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I agree with JKPolk 100%. Reread it out loud to yourself and change the parts that don't flow nicely or sound good at all.
Second, your grammar needs work. Learn punctuation, first of all. "Marijuana" is not capitalized, neither are a bunch of thing. You also add unneeded commas while not putting commas in spots that need them. And wow, a lot of essays are flooding CT lately =/
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last.fm Last edited by lord_carbo; 05-19-2006 at 09:02 PM.. |
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#6 |
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FFR Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Northeasterly
Age: 31
Posts: 401
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You're saying that it should be stopped? I think it sounds like an overt cookie-cutter topic. I think you should present the other side of the issue. In fact, you should stop in the middle of the presentation to roll a joint, then when you finish, go smoke it. That would be teh pwn. Yes, teh pwn.
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Banned
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Anyone who thinks that weed leads to violence obviously has no real experience (1st- or 2nd-hand) involving it.
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#8 |
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Super Scooter Happy
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The only reason messages sent to teens that promote the use of drugs should be stopped is because said drugs are illegal for those teens to use due to age, so basically the messages are promoting risking going to jail, and even then getting caught isn't a guaranteed thing.
If the teens are of age or the drugs aren't specifically age-illegal, then propoganda for them is no better or worse then propoganda against them. The kids really should only be presented with the facts of drug use - be they good or bad - and then be allowed to make the decision on their own. Of course, all of this is one man's opinion and by no means a universal fact, so take it however you will.
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I watched clouds awobbly from the floor o' that kayak. Souls cross ages like clouds cross skies, an' tho' a cloud's shape nor hue nor size don't stay the same, it's still a cloud an' so is a soul. Who can say where the cloud's blowed from or who the soul'll be 'morrow? Only Sonmi the east an' the west an' the compass an' the atlas, yay, only the atlas o' clouds. |
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FFR Hall of Fame
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I used to smoke weed. I AM THE 1 IN A MILLIONth GUY YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT GETS MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS FROM WEED.
Its true, I am now a manic depressant and suffer from extreme anxiousity. I wouldn't blame it all on weed, but it did have a major role in how I am now. AND, I cant even spell my disabilitys. Now thats a Mental problem right there. Quote:
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Last edited by SethSquall; 05-20-2006 at 11:21 AM.. |
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FFR Hall of Fame
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Weed caused me to become somewhat dyslexic, though.
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The dyslexic thing made me laugh. I know what you mean. Once I tried to have a go at these kids for throwing stones at these windows. I shouted " STOP THAT YOU LITTLE FCUKS. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I THREW WINDOWS AT YOUR STONES!!."
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Last edited by SethSquall; 05-20-2006 at 11:41 AM.. |
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#13 |
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FFR Hall of Fame
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Strange.
Also, weed or any other psychedelic can bring out latent schizophrenia or other mental disorders. Sounds like what happened to you. Weed doesn't cause them, rather it attenuates them if they are already there.
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I will agree with you. Weed can amplify what problems you have. Like it did with me. What I just said about my friend though. Nothing could have been the cause apart from the drug. We all agreed on this. Investigations and numeruous senerios were playied out. Everything was looked over alot. It may be rare yes, however it still happened and proved to me and alot of other people that weed can lead to violence.
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Either way, the issue that mattyoh is asking for help on isn't if his topic is right or wrong. I almost started to make a case about not giving a presentation on pot in general, but the assignment was to report on an article on current culture. The opinions he's stating aren't necessarily his, so he's not really looking for fact checking, etc, simply a review of how his speech would do in a class environment.
While I'm not one to argue for or against pot, (I've only smoked once myself, nearly coughed up a lung) I did the best I could to be removed from the topic and look at speech flow in itself. Rather than debate the morality of his topic, which I've seen done in countless other threads on these boards, we could try focusing on the layout of the speech to help him get a better grade.
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#16 |
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FFR Player
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What a great paper. Awesome job, really.
Only things I can see wrong with it, besides the broad, sweeping generalizations and leap-of-faith style conclusions based off of incorrect and untrue information (you can't smoke hemp, by the way), the citation of popular myths propogated as fact, and failure to add any tangible hard evidence whatsoever to back up your ridiculous claims, was that your grammar sucks. Maybe you should learn something about weed before you write a speech on it. |
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#17 | |
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Banned
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