|
|
#1 |
|
Hookers and Blow
|
Ok guys, I wanted to post my story the way Mal is, but I'm afraid people might not like it but oh well here we go.
Death and I Chapter One: A Touch To Remember The tall, auburn haired teenager felt the warm sensation of the woman's hand as she touched his. He smiled at her briefly before giving his automatic response. "Thank you and have a nice day," the 17 year old said, with a smile as fake as the Mona Lisa hanging in a New York gallery. The woman smiled faintly and took her purchases with her. She left with a flutter and the entire store became deathly silent. Finally, the rush period of the day was over and it was now Chris Judgeman Time. Chris peered around sneakily and closed his eyes. The vision was coming back. Chris could see in his mind's eye the woman who had just left the store. She was in some sort of house in the suburbs of Springfield, the city he inhabited. She was shaking something fierce, but Chris couldn't focus in on it. Chris drew more power from himself and looked harder. The woman now came into view and he could see her crying. Then Chris did what he always did: he walked into his vision. Chris suddenly felt solid flooring as he entered the vision. He looked around the slightly large master bedroom and down at the frail woman who had came into his store. On the bed were photos of a man and a woman engaged in all sorts of illicit sex. Chris bent down to get a closer look and saw that the woman in the pictures was not the same woman now crying on the bed. Chris' heart sank. It was always a bummer to enter visions that were heartbreaking, but he particularly had a soft spot for adultery. His father had left him and his mother two years ago for some model in California. Chris did not hate his father, but always wondered why he had run out on them. If his father were still here, Chris could ask about the "power." Chris, now feeling like some sort of spying jackass, began to pull out of the vision. The entire room became blurry until everything faded to black. Chris opened his eyes as if he had been dreaming. He shook his head clear of the thoughts he had just witnessed and sighed. It had been 5 years ago when the "power" began to develop. He had accidently touched a strange man wearing a long trench coat on the street one day, only to discover through a vision five minutes later, that the man was carrying a bomb to City Hall. As he grew older, Chris began to develop his gift into an almost devious manner. Just by touching someone's skin, he could access thier very thoughts, memories, feelings, pains, fears, and moods. Some of them were entertaining while most people had dirty secrets to hide. Chris thought about it until 3 years later, his father left the family. Chris latched on to his "soul seeking" as a sort of distraction to ease the pain of no father. It became his whole life, and in some ways it still was his main staple. However, he couldn't just walk up to any person on the street and touch them. No, it had to be sytematic, orderly, and without fear of being labeled a psycho. Fortunately for Chris, his mother had thought it was time for Chris to get a job and stop loafing around the house. Chris searched around town that summer until he found a job as a cashier at the Quik-Stop Convenience Store. By giving people thier money from change, he could touch thier hands and acquire their thoughts in a nice, neat, and pyscho-free manner. That was two years ago last month. It was now July and one of the busiest months of the year. Chris was actually excited to get to work, as he would be able to experience new and exciting people to touch. "Yeah, but now all I get is depressed when I see these visions," thought Chris moodily. BING BONG. The door at the entrance swung in as a woman in a long black dress, dark lipstick and eyeliner, dark long hair with red curly tips, and a earring in her left eyebrow and bottom lower left lip walked in. Chris' eyes ran over the woman's body. She was fully figured and very elegant, as if she were European royalty. She made her way to the health supplies aisle and dissapeared behind a stand of potato chips. Chris' heart began to beat wildly. This woman could be one of his greatest visions he might ever see. He had to touch her. He needed to touch her. He was compelled to touch her (as fate would have it). Chris stood up straight, tightened his collar and nametag, and waited patiently for the woman to return. After 5 minutes of torture, the woman slowly filed to the front and put her purchases on the counter. Chris looked down to see a pink box of Tampons and a pink bag of Maxi Pads slide across the counter towards him. Chris blushed almost violet and rang them up. "Six dollars and twenty-seven cents ma'am," said Chris almost shrilly as his voice was breaking in anticipation. "Six bucks? You're not trying to stiff me, are you honey?" asked the woman in a strangely seductive tone of voice. "No, ma'am, " answered Chris with a look on his face that would make people think he was extremely happy. "Good boy" answered the woman as she gave Chris a five. Chris entered in the money and took out the change. He could feel the tension in the air as his hands approached her's. It was the moment of truth. "Here's your change ma'am," said Chris as he touched her hand. Chris immediately shot energy into his hand and vision faded to black. He was standing in a dark void of no light and sound yet he could see himself in the darkness. Chris began to shiver as he noticed he could see his breath. Suddenly, images began to flash around Chris. A skull with two pythons crawling through the eyesockets. A bloody scythe dripping with the blood of freshly slaughtered people. Burning fire that sizzles the flesh off of your bones. A long candle being extinguished by a bony hand of a skeleton. A beating heart being stabbed by a long dagger. A pair of red eyes staring out from the darkness. Chris couldn't take it anymore. If he continued to stare at the images anymore, he was sure to lose his mind and his sanity. Chris' head snapped backwards and struck the Cigarette cabinet behind him. It was plastic so his head bounced off f it comically and snapped forward. Chris looked up into the eyes of the woman. They were red as if they were on fire. Suddenly an evil, scathing voice rose from the woman. "Did you like what you saw Soul-Seeker? I would think even a Seeker such as yourself would have enough respect and fear not to look into the wrong soul. However, due to your boldness, I will come for you myself and extract the very thing you dared to look in today," finished the woman as her eyes returned to thier original hazel color and she smiled. "Thank you and have a nice day sugar," finished the woman as she took her bag of purchases and promptly left the store. Chris could only stand at the cabinet in awe. Then he slid to the floor, pulled his legs up to his body and buried his face in his arms. He wept, for he had looked into the soul of Death herself. Chapter Two to come soon.
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
|
#2 |
|
Away from Computer
|
whoa, now that's deep
I liked it It could have been better in some places, but I can't exactly figure out where. This is probably the least helpful thing I could say right now, but I can't think right now >_<. It was a good story though good job Chromer
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
|
#3 |
|
Hookers and Blow
|
Just remember that was only Chapter One. Chapter Two is going to be even better.
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
|
#4 |
|
CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
|
It started out very "Dead Zone"-ish, but quickly abandoned that. Well written, strong beginning. I'm very interested to see where you plan on taking the rest of the story, considering that that was a pretty much self-sustaining short story.
Mal
__________________
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline." "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback! |
|
|
|
|
|
#5 | |
|
FFR Player
|
Great begininng. Though, I really didn't like the transition from 3rd person to 1st/Current events.
With Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#6 | |
|
Hookers and Blow
|
Quote:
Wow. I didn't notice it until now, but it did sound like Dead Zone didn't it? Well now that Chris Judgeman has been introduced, next we'lle xplore just what is going to happen to him. You know what the name of the next chapter is? "Death Reveals." ROFL
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
![]() |
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|