Getting some personal woes off my chest (Guess I'm making one of these now)

[MixMasterLar]

Originally Posted by FFR Users Circa 2007

Better go post about it on FFR

Despite my reputation of being a bit of a hot head and aggressive/forward person (well deserved reputation, I confess) I actually have a horrible habit of holding in a lot of things that bother me or refrain from talking about issues if I think they'll make me look "weak" (as define by my father, who for better or worse set my expectations of myself decades ago). I may like bitching about stuff that goes wrong in my life, but I don't particularly like discussing everything that goes wrong in my life. There's always this overhanging sense that if it's a big problem I am better off trying to fix it, and if it's "just drama" I am better off keeping it to the people already involved. For probably an exaggerated made up percentage of the time (lets say, 99.9%? ) I think that's the correct course of action.

The last few months have been especially eventful for me, and it's been causing me unneeded stress and depression. It obviously isn't all bad or so bad that I'll never not shake the consequences off (Not going homeless, not losing a family member to cancer, not coming remotely close to what some on here have had to experience and overcome; in fact most of this is honest to God petty horseshit) but I've sort of been holding in my feelings with no real outlet to the point I have had several people call me out on it.

But talking about things is sometimes hard. All of the time, in fact. But truthfully I wouldn't mind letting the community in on what's been going on because I need someone to just hear me out and at the end of the day, this community has been a part of my life in one form or another for half of it.

So about 5 minutes ago I decided that it would probably be good to just vent a little bit; let it all out and in the process of killing two birds with one stone I can actually keep you guys in the loop for a change. Or worse comes to worse, no one can read this and I get the satisfaction of typing it out all the same. I probably can't lose here, but your mileage is gonna vary: I don't make any promises that you're going to gain anything reading the spoilers or even have as good of an image of me in your head as when you started, but I do sincerely thank you for allowing me the space to dump this here all the same.

I have varicose veins, and for the last 6 or so months they've caused me actual, tangible pain.

Back last May (right after my birthday) I was walking around Floridatown with my room mate and the pain ratcheted up to the point that I was concerned something was extremely wrong. I have lived my life avoiding doctors, but decided to go to the ER and find out what was up. I had obviously known my legs looked like shit before this point, but figured ugly veins where the extent of what I was going to put up with. I was use to being able to walk 5 or more miles for a lot of my life (Didn't have a car about half of my adult life, which objectively is probably why I really hype up the Lar Car™ and the Lar-Truck™ since it meant I could actually go places) so when my legs started to feel weaker and actively painful I wasn't really down with it.

What followed is a series of doctor visits and medical bills that are very apparent to anyone who has ever had to deal with such a thing, except now with 100% more Covid restrictions making everything worse. I ended up seeing a specialist who said the problem required stripping the veins. The price for the procedures is pretty high (in the thousands) and by the time they reached the conclusion they where no longer letting me get work done on credit.

In the United States, especially after Covid, hospitals don't handle billing entirely inhouse anymore: There are companies out of state that handle that, and it makes paying for visits such a fucking mess. Even if you end up paying at the time of your visit, the billing company could send you a bill anyway because your info is getting shipped to them anyway and they might as well assume you owe money. Sometimes a hospital will have two companies who are suppose to split the workload, but they just send you a bill each for the same thing. I won't bother with a play-by-play but I was getting for bills for services I had already paid in full, and getting the runaround about how it "probably" just wasn't paid "in full" but they just totally work here and it'll be cool if I could just pay it again.

What's even better is sometimes they'll agree it was paid, wait a few weeks, and then resend the fucker. Love it.

The reason this is important is now I needed work on my legs and no feasible means to pay for it. The only way I could was to straight borrow the money, in which I am grateful and blessed to have people who could do so. My mother is getting most of the credit here, but my boss fronted me a sizable chunk.

So, from the first week of February through now and the next few months, I have had outpatient procedures on my legs. They don't actually strip veins out anymore, by the way: They drill a hole in your leg and pour hot goo in your veins and fry out the blood, making that mofo collapse. Afterwards your leg absorbs the dead vein for it's nutrients which is the most metal fucking thing my legs will ever do in this life.

From there to here and once again after the 16th, I've been in different states of being able to walk or just being force to lie down and take it easy. As of writing my Left leg still has problem veins that will soon be dealt with, but my right leg appears to be ok save for tiring out easily. I'm waiting for the ultrasound to come back and tell me if it needs any more work, but I'm confident it's in the better shape of the two. I still wear my compression socks most of the time, and that helps greatly. I hope by May I can go to Dave & Busters for my birthday and play Pump again. I don't know if I have stated this on the site, but dance games became too painful for me to even mess with before the initial ER visit, and I've just kind of been avoiding them for probably a year.

A few days before my first procedure on my left leg, on February 2nd, I got in a crash that totaled out the Lar-Truck™ and the other driver's car.

I was going out with my date to Olive Garden. Having agreed to leave the gas station and meet at my place first so we could ride together, we both pulled on the highway needing to U-turn. It was raining but not bad, just some consistent water dropping in from a grayed out sky. I went to the turning lane and prepared to U-Turn, waited for it to clear and then got on the road.

My intention was to end up in the left lane ("Fast Lane") after turning since I would need to be in this lane to turn right back further down the road. Because the Lar-Truck™ doesn't magically turn 180 degrees that means I have to momentarily cross into the right lane, but while that had more traffic it had plenty of space for me to make the turn. Super routine shit, I got the gas and made the turn only to feel my truck just keep turning, and turning, and turning----she'd spun out, and before I could do anything I spun 360 degrees and was facing oncoming traffic.

I had enough time to realize I had no control, and then have the thought "well, at least I'm in the lane with the biggest gap" before I saw a car right in front of me. The other guy saw me spun out and instead of slowing down like every other vehicle on the road he tried to pass me on the left.

You know, as I was spinning counter-clockwise.

Was gonna gun pass me on his left side.

He had enough time to cross over so far left his passenger side and my passenger side hit dead on. I know this from the damage done to the cars, but after initially seeing them in front of me the next thing I remember is rolling backwards off the road after impact. For what it's worth, my Tacoma's cab held true and the only damage I got was from being punched by the airbag. Shit sucked, but I walked away and ultimately didn't even go to the ER. Their car (I don't know cars. It looked like what my mom would call a "car" and that's as much as I remember about most car models) looked completely trashed though and I thought this guy's passenger was dead. She crawled out without a scratch, and set to chewing me out for the wreck. At the time, I just politely let them say their piece and walked away when she demanded I walk away (I didn't even really say anything past "are you alright?" because clearly they just wanted to lecture and then send me to time out) but honestly the fact that we all managed to walk away made me not feel it was particularly worth getting bent out of shape.

I should probably confess, in times of great stress my coping mechanism is to laugh. Stories for another post, but I've come close to dying a few times in my life, and my response is to just crack a grin and Joker it up. I don't brag about this because I'm not making the choice to laugh in the face of danger, but I bring it up here because as I got out of the car and after I confirmed they where alive I suddenly realized I was laughing about it.

This made the driver upset.

This made the driver what I like to call "Call about a dozen homies to deal with this fucker who crashed into me and laughed" upset.

I call it that because he called about a dozen or so homies and kept loudly making threats about how he was about to kick my ass.

.....Ready to hear about the fight? Naw, it didn't happen. His friends actually calmed him down instead. I kind of told the story in this way to illustrate my anxiety because for a hot minute I was trying to decide how long they were going to wait before I got jumped. This was extra stressful because my date had seen my truck and pulled over; at the time we had dated maybe a week and a half and I didn't want her wrapped up in this mess, especially if it included me getting my ass tore the fuck up (If I may brag, I am confident I could have defended myself from the first 3 or 4. I like to think I am no push over in a fight and everyone stops attacking after you kick in their knee, but I absolutely was going to get trashed if that was what they decided to do in this instance).

She refused to leave.

She still hasn't left. We're Facebook official now as of the other day, but the next story involves her much more then this, so we'll get back to her in a little bit.

Anyway the other party involved decided not to go to the ER either, and the police who showed saw no need to call for an ambulance. The next day, the other party's lawyer decided they needed to go to the ER, and started sending me letters telling me to prepare for legal action. Ya boy getting sued guys!

Or maybe not. I don't have any assets, and my insurance policy was worse then I was lead to believe it was. There's not any money to get over here, so there is a chance the lawyer refuses to represent them and any charges they try to accuse me of are just kinda dropped. Both insurance companies are ready to close the claims, and while I probably will have to pay 20% of their ER bill, that's not the worst outcome this all could of had

Oh yes, 20% of their bill. Why? Well I thought I had coverage for any other driver who collided with me, but somewhere along the line that stopped being included in the package I was paying Progressive for and I guess one day when I renewed that particular package it was no longer included. I was under the impression in Florida that was one of the few things you HAD to have, but that either changed years ago or was never accurate. In any case, I was informed that I didn't have the coverage and Progressive would not be helping with it. Their provider would cover 80%, but I was probably getting a bill for the rest. As of this writing I have yet to see that bill, but I trust some out of state company in fucking Kentucky will be mailing me it very shortly.

Of course my Lar-Truck™ wasn't covered. By design, I had to keep the price low and the truck was a clunky when I got it. I figured if I had the other drivers car covered and their medical, it would be good enough. Well fuck me mateys, we didn't even get that much.

So making a long story short, I traded my game collection to my brother in order to get another car.

What can I say? At least it's paid in full. My game shelf now sits empty with a few cans of Chicken and Dumplings on it in the kitchen. I have my PS4, my Switch, and a small selection of PS1 / PS2 games right now. I always knew that my collection may one day have to bail me out of money woes, but it still hurts to see them gone. It is very childish to have such feelings for objects that neither know or care about you, but there were stretches of time when gaming was all I had, and mature or not a lot of who I am was attached to them.

I can keep driving myself to work between bouts of bedrest though so hey that's cool I guess.

Let's call my room mate Jen, so we can work with a proper noun. I may have said her actual name somewhere here before, but I don't want to spend this story calling someone out on their past even though this is exactly that kind of story. In that spirit, I will keep her backstory and family circumstance close to the vest: She came to be my room mate first as a guest that paid no bills out of necessity, and after an incident that doesn't need telling here she left for a few months, only to ask if she could come back. At this point she had steady income, so I had said no and that she needed to rent somewhere, but we ended up working a deal out where she pays me a flat fee to stay and I just take care of the bills however which way the fluctuate. The idea is that she is suppose to save up for her own place, but truthfully she never saves anything. This doesn't bother me in principle because historically I haven't had an issue with her in the 6 or so years I've known here and she pays the agreed upon asking price.

We where never a couple. I have to state that more or less upfront for the sake of context that most of you have already guessed. She's into women and I am no woman; we shared a closeness that has made people ask if we were an item, but the truth is she was full against the possibility. I will confess that I am willing to date anyone willing to date me, but it was never in the cards between us and I can't in good faith pretend that ever actually upset me. We're not compatible like that even sitting aside the fact that, as stated, I am no woman. These feelings were sorted out long before she moved in with me, so it never got in the way as she stayed here.

Back in mid January, Jen introduced me to her co-worker Leena (No, it's actually Helena, and I'm more open with her name because those of you on Facebook already know it, but I call her Leena and that's what I'm typing here) and we pretty much clicked right away even on the first night she spent an hour or two at my place. a few days later we'd spend roughly 8 hours just talking and watching Youtube videos, and a week afterwards we'd go on our first official date. She has been a both a calming presence in my life and the best hype man anyone could ask for. I have never dated someone who just makes me happy sitting next to them before now, I figured that was hyperbole people would say, but I deadass sometimes just don't even care if we're accomplishing anything or checking our own phones, so long as she's in the same room as me.

That's a lot to say about a relationship that's not three months old yet, I know, but that's how I feel.

But when things started getting serious, Jen started acting like a massive bitch about it.

She has apparently went behind my back and accused of me of leading her on. She's told Leena falsehoods about our level of friendship to drive her away. She's started treated Leena with this shitty, petty, childish attitude that he's beneath her at work and at my place. She straight up has been telling Leena I wanted shit that I never said (ie that I didn't want her to meet my family, that I didn't want her over when I had other friends around, etc.)

There are more instances of pettiness but you get the picture.

All this started happening at the same timeframe as the other two previous stories, and Leena herself had a hardship involving a move that she was going through. The one time both of us needed a friend to just exist as a friend and Jen decided to be openly hostile about us dating.

To me the answer was clear: Time to get someone the fuck out onto the street. I took these actions not as her was of saying she didn't like Leena as a person, but as a way to tell me that she expected me to be single; that maybe she did have feelings for me, but in the sense that she liked I was always around whenever she wanted to hang out or needed help with something and didn't want a relationship getting in the way of her convenience. I still think this is accurate, but she won't discuss this with me. She won't communicate like an adult on the matter. She starts contradicting her own stories and has actually pre-emptively defended shitty actions I didn't even know or asked about.

But there was a reason Jen was still here with me, and Leena pointed out that kicking her out would put her right back in a bad situation. I agree this was the case, but was angry enough to not give a single shit about it. Cooler heads prevailed, and we decided to just flat out ignore her in hopes she would level out and just stop crossing the line eventually. Leena and I would just stay in my room when she was over to avoid potential confrontations, and when she finally got her own place ready we have spent most of our off-work time there.

Do you know how shameful it is to run away and let someone else have my place, to run off me and my girlfriend? Between this and potentially being sued, not even running through my Tai Chi forms gave me any peace. When I was home it got to where Jen and I barely spoke, but at Leena's request I held it in

Until last week.

I asked Jen if she wasn't even on speaking terms with Leena, I asked as naturally as I could given the circumstance. She lost it and popped off about 3 different unrelated instances, then ran away for while. Then came back and argued to me again (not with me, I was just letting this go to see where it was heading) and then left. And then came back and said she was moving out, that she rather go back to where she came then stay here if I was just going to "go psycho on here all the time" (I still had yet to argue back) and then left again. At first I was just going to go to bed and let that day be a waste. But I thought that ended the night with both of us angry wasn't really productive, so after a time where I figured everyone had cool off, I approached her and said that I felt I really needed to answer her.

She said she wasn't in the mood to argue and told me to go to my room.

My fucking room mate told me to go to my room.

Something broke in me that moment, and I am not proud of the volume nor the language that I expressed every single problem I had with her with; but a high volume and a colorful, angry vocabulary did I use and I would like to use this post to apologize to the neighbors who I forced to play witness.

The money she gave me for march had to be spent on medical bills and gas, so she will ride out this month before leaving. She leaves on her own accord, and goes where she decided, but I would be lying to say that she could stay here much longer. I have had IRL friends call me foolish, saying that I threw away a good friendship for a girlfriend that I have known for 3 months, but the truth is Jen is forcing me to pick my friendship with her or my autonomy in dating at all and I could never give in to that.

It hurts, and continues to hurt every time we walk pass each other. She knew my insecurities about finding a partner the most of anyone, I just thought she'd be happy for me.

Hopefully I will not regret not proof reading all of that.
There's more to tell, but these three are the main things going on. I must admit I don't really feel better typing it all out, but it was worth a try. Thanks for putting up with my drama, it's a very kind gesture on your part and I appreciate it

[XelNya]

Originally Posted by MixMasterLar

I figured that was hyperbole people would say, but I deadass sometimes just don't even care if we're accomplishing anything or checking our own phones, so long as she's in the same room as me.

There's a lot to unpack in this post but man, let me tell you.

I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, and the lady's asleep next to me, and our cat is curled up between us, it's a pretty nice thing. Gotta take the things where you can.~

[Funnygurl555]

there's two things i dont get here

1) that car crash doesn't sound like it's your fault so like why are you screwed at all.... ig this is america and that's how it be but like also ya dig? what.

2) how is anyone siding with this roommate? and you're not choosing between a girlfriend and a friend. you're just choosing to cut out a toxic friend. cut that girl's nonsense man

[MixMasterLar]

Hell yeah Xel, I finally get it.


@Funny:

1 drivers on the road already have the right of way. Anyone coming in the road as responsibility to yield. I was the turning lane approaching the road so the police determined I was the one entering the highway and therefore should have yielded, and gave me a careless driving ticket. I could have contested this in court but if I lose my case to a judge there's basically heavy fines for it. I don't have a dashcam and no witnesses were willing to stop to explain that it was clear when I started to turn, so realistically I can either accept the ticket or watch a judge force me to accept the ticket and fine me. Judges don't reverse tickets without tangible proof.

2 pretty much no one is on her side. From what I can tell even her friends that we don't have in common have sorta told her she's taking it too far. I think that's part of the reason she's running in the direction she is ---- it puts her several states away. It's literally running away from a problem that could have been solved by talking it out with me.

I had someone tell me after I made this thread that they straight up don't know why I haven't kicked her out yet. I kinda don't either, but meh. Not like she's physically attacking me or anything so Imma just ride this month out.

[Hakulyte]

When it comes to the first 2 spoilers, do you need financial help ? Do you have a plan B in mind ?

[Funnygurl555]

Originally Posted by MixMasterLar

I had someone tell me after I made this thread that they straight up don't know why I haven't kicked her out yet. I kinda don't either, but meh. Not like she's physically attacking me or anything so Imma just ride this month out.

https://twitter.com/anguscloud/statu...KxUk5BPvLuAVig

[mellonxcollie]

First: glad you and the other people involved, even if they acted like dicks, that everyone was physically OK. That sounds like a fucked up experience and I'm glad you came out the other side to tell the tale. Insurance in the USA is whacky as hell

Second: I don't know what the laws are like in FL, but in Ontario she would be considered a tenant and be protected by some landlord/tenant laws, even if she hasn't signed a lease and doesn't have her own unit. I think you riding it out is in your best interest in the long run so she can't pull any shady legal maneuvers on you based on her "tenants rights"

It sucks when someone you thought was a friend turns out to really only care about what you can provide for them. I've had that happen to me, and can tell you from experience it is so freeing and feels awesome to have these "friends" out of your life. Your life and your living situation is going to be better for having gone through this. You should throw a party with your GF when she is finally gone!

Also happy for you that you found someone that makes you happy!

[MixMasterLar]

AFAIK they did away with Squatter's Rights years ago so if she doesn't have bills in her name or my address on her ID then she's legally a visitor just visiting and damn wouldn't you know it despite me saying she was towing a line not updating that ID card she just never did. Fucking oops huh?

But like Funny alluded to, it's the principal of the thing and she's paid up until the 31st. It ain't that long, and fantasizing about the satisfaction of kicking her on the street is probably more hassle free then doing it.

@ Haku: oh in America you're just kinda expected to owe somebody some amount of money you can't feasibly pay. A payment schedule can always be arrange and they can't like take away my trailer or whatever so it's good. I make enough to cover bills and if I stop spending money like I was in 2021 then I'll be able to make any kind of reasonable payments. We good on that front.

And be good what I really mean is it sucks fucking ass and I hate it, but meh




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Edit/Double Post
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Guys who sent me that Vanilla gift card? That's extremely supportive and I am humbled, but I feel hella guilty taking that. I swear I can make the math work, it's just stressful sometimes lol.

But seriously, thank you to everyone for the kindness.

[T-Force]

I don't have much to add to this aside from thank you for sharing and opening yourself up to us. It takes courage to open up like that and I hope things turn around for you - and if spoiler 3 is any indicator, they already are.

Best of luck, Lar. You've always got this community behind you.

[sweet2kill210]

Hey, I don't know you well (just recognize your username and pfp), but sorry to hear it seems life has been putting you through the gauntlet. It sucks the other party in spoiler 2 had to be dense about the situation. At the very least, in regards to spoiler 3, it sounds like Leena helped you to uncover a false friend, but I know how much it hurts to lose someone who you've been friends with for a long time only to find out they didn't care as much as you think they did from experience.

Good luck with the veiny situation and just try to keep on laughing (but perhaps try to have more situational awareness when using it as a coping mechanism, haha, I have the same problem to be honest). Hopefully things get better for you in the future.

[MixMasterLar]

Man, Spoiler 3 hits different now that me and Leena don't even talk anymore. Jen's still in the wrong on that shit though. I find I don't miss Jen, but I do grieve that Leena and I couldn't make our relationship work; it completely dissolved by October.

My legs still work, the lawyer never accepted the case to sue me, and I never did get an ER bill so ayyyyyy a lot of this turned out for the best. I appriciate everyone being supported when I first made this thread, it really meant a lot to me then and still does now.

Oh, Funny sent that online card. Shout outs to the person who probably needed that money more then I did for stepping up and being a friend

[Sky Kitten]

Glad things are looking up for you, Lar. We will always be here if you need to vent or need support!

[Funnygurl555]

Originally Posted by MixMasterLar

Oh, Funny sent that online card. Shout outs to the person who probably needed that money more then I did for stepping up and being a friend

<3

[Trogdor!!!!]

Jen sounds like a lovely lady.

[robertsona]

leena genuinely sounds sick tho. W

[MixMasterLar]

Originally Posted by robertsona

leena genuinely sounds sick tho. W

I grieve the loss of that relationship
She definitely made me a better person

[Mollocephalus]

About the accident, it's important to know the limits of your car in different conditions, and while certainly the road layout and conditions didn't do you any favors, something went really wrong if you managed a complete 180 in a van that shouldn't be packing all that much horsepower to begin with. So you either had worn tyres or you're just a bad driver.

[MixMasterLar]

Tacoma's ain't van

[robertsona]

Originally Posted by MixMasterLar

I grieve the loss of that relationship
She definitely made me a better person

well I'm high rightn ow but fuck me guess that means I didnt read through the whole thing before posting

[MixMasterLar]

Originally Posted by robertsona

well I'm high rightn ow but fuck me guess that means I didnt read through the whole thing before posting

Oh, it's a bumped thread. There's another post that I made with some updates:

Originally Posted by MixMasterLar

Man, Spoiler 3 hits different now that me and Leena don't even talk anymore. Jen's still in the wrong on that shit though. I find I don't miss Jen, but I do grieve that Leena and I couldn't make our relationship work; it completely dissolved by October.

My legs still work, the lawyer never accepted the case to sue me, and I never did get an ER bill so ayyyyyy a lot of this turned out for the best. I appriciate everyone being supported when I first made this thread, it really meant a lot to me then and still does now.

Oh, Funny sent that online card. Shout outs to the person who probably needed that money more then I did for stepping up and being a friend

Update to this: Geico might have sent the ER bill to collections? Getting letters about a roughly 1k~ bill now so womp womp. Could be a scam though