Thinking about suicide

[Rapta]

Originally Posted by Azpb Djbread

Don't do it Man, So many people still care about you.

When I get depressed like I am right now, I lose any feeling of wanting to do anything, go anywhere, or think anything. I just want to sleep and wake up having forgotten the feelings until I eventually remember them again. It's the ones who care who keep pushing me to go get my education and do activities which I have no will to do which ruins the experience which depresses me even more. It's the people who care about me that won't let me just fuck off in my room when I get depressed. I mean my family specifically because everyone else could care less, other than having empathy for a short time, but empathy is only felt when thought of my depression is almost constant and uncontrollable, and if someone actually did genuinely care if I died, they sure didn't want to be around me, or try to help me. In the beginning when I was trying everything I could think of to be happier, I had friends, and one of the things I tried was talking to them in detail about this, when I went to them for help channeling my depression and for advice, they all said they would listen and be there for me but everyone eventually said I need to stop talking to them. Usually it was in the middle of me being depressed and trying to talk to them when they just told me they had enough, so when people said that to me I became more depressed. I was trying to optimistic in the beginning, but I eventually lost all my friends through this. Everyone wants to help but nobody wants to deal with my problems. Even the psychologist is pushing me off to a psychiatrist. What happens if the psychiatrist thinks I am fucked?