Old 03-20-2015, 04:49 AM   #1
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Default grand fiffer adventure

So I had my last midterm today and I had a paper due tomorrow that I was all worried about finishing but the professor was chill and extended the due date until the end of break so fuck doing that, tonight break has officially STARTED and because I am a proud nerd I spent the first like 6 hours of spring break playing internet arrow games then writing a fantasy narrative to go with it.

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I, a Grand Knight of the House of Corn, began my journey some time ago with the port of Pandora in sight. The coastline town was known for being sleepy and uneventful in the morning hours, then erupting with activity for a short period each day. Though I had previously attempted to visit this area, my past visits were always rudely cut short during this busy hour. Each time, the denizens of the town (a curious arrow-shaped bunch) would rudely eject me from the premises, but for once I was able to navigate the bustling streets and secure safe passage on a departing ferry.




Shortly after leaving the dock I began to feel a familiar sense of dread. Here I must confess to you the sad truth of my existence: many years ago, a powerful curse was placed upon me, dooming me to experience horrid nightmares each day. Nausea and dizziness commonly preceded each cursed ordeal, and as I fell to my knees on the deck of the ferry, a figure appeared from the corners of my blurry vision. It was a man with features identical to mine - a doppelganger, if you will - and I recognized him as a common adversary during my tormented nightmares. Each time the curse brought his wrath upon me I would manage to fight him off, but I would always leave the encounter feeling as if I were missing something. But not this time. Using new magics I had recently mastered, I raised the index and middle fingers on both my hands and banished the doppelganger with a curse of my own.




I recovered from my tormented vision just in time for my ferry to reach port and unceremoniously drop me ashore. This land was known by many as a dangerous one, ruled for decades by the iron fist of Lord Spitfire, yet my transit through it was an absolute necessity. Mere minutes after leaving town, my path was cut off by a large ogre. I knew him from other knight’s tales to be the fearsome Schmollbluk, one of Lord Spitfire’s most dangerous lieutenants. The large wooden club in his hands had the phrase “32nds” carved crudely above the handle, and the ogre made clear his intentions by swinging the club over my head. I deftly dodged out of the way and was able to connect with an attack of my own. Certainly, in hindsight, I am glad I did not miss!




In order to understand the purpose of my quest, I must explain my past. Years ago I was squire to the greatest knight our House has ever known. He was a warrior whose exploits could fill countless tomes on their own, but the important part for our story is his eventual end. Or, perhaps more specifically, the lack thereof: one day I awoke to find he had simply… vanished, leaving behind only his shield, one emblazoned with the picture of a fire creature he had called Ryusei the Falling Star. With this as my only clue, I embarked to Lord Spitfire’s domain following tales that a similar star creature may be found there. And, indeed, after many days of trekking, I did find it, though it was perhaps not what you would imagine. Sitting in a grove in a forest was a small figure wearing dirty clothes (truth be told, it looked less like a creature of myth and more like some sort of wayward vagabond) yet even from afar I could tell the being radiated astral power. I approached it and extended my hand as a sign of greeting, and in response the star creature began to twirl about- then, right as I was about to touch it, it disappeared.



As the creature disappeared I retracted my closed hand in shock, only to feel something heavy in my palm. I spread my hand open and there, lying in my hand as if the twirling star had taken pity on me, was a small emblem bearing the letters “SDG.” As I pocketed the trinket, something in the back of my mind made me feel I was undeserving of this reward, but I shook it off and pressed on.



After this experience I realized I was actually completely exhausted. I had been trekking for so long that I had completely neglected my own health. I exited the forest and quickly left the lands of Lord Spitfire behind me, heading across the border to the small town of Silvuh. This town was known for its relaxing hot springs and tasty cuisine, perfect for a tired traveler. The first thing in town to catch my attention was a street vendor selling strawberry sweets, and I greedily bought some to sate my appetite. As I raised the first to my mouth, my curse kicked in again. The confection began to morph into a monstrous form, but this time I was able to banish the nightmarish vision almost immediately.




After uneventfully finishing the rest of my candies, I decided to relax my muscles at the famous local hot springs. No sooner than I had arrived at the side of the spring, my vision began to spin again. The curse was relentless. This time there was no single vision to dispel, so I thought maybe being able to relax in the milky blue water might ease the nausea, yet each time I lowered myself, my foot would somehow… miss. It was as if the water was taunting me, moving away from my every attempt to enter. I gave it several tries but eventually I admitted the cursed illusion had foiled me.
(Seriously though, four times in a row I had an AAA or low SDG going into the solo, and four times in a row I missed on that arrow. I’m beginning to think it’s actually secretly a zero framer or something, fuck)




The history of my curse is a storied one. During my time as squire to the great knight, we clashed numbers times with his most persistent adversary, a witch named Boogiebear. Each time she would be struck down, she would reappear to fight again sometime later, as if she could never truly die. One day my master found the secret of her immortality, and vowed to cast her down for good. Of course he triumphed, but with her dying breath the witch turned to me and cursed me to suffer these nightmares.
Following my embarrassing failure to actually take a bath, I returned to the town of Silvuh and explained my situation to some locals. The suggested that a nearby mystic named Tenimuhou may be able to dispel my curse or give me a clue as to the whereabouts of my long lost master.




I arrived in short order at the supposed location of this Tenimuhou, but something about the ramshackle hut before me seemed off. Nevertheless, I opened the door, and to my horror I saw a man- ostensibly the mystic himself- lying in front of me, dead in a pool of his own blood. As I backed away slowly, a terrifying figure began to emerge from the shadows of the room- the dark warrior XelNya. This man was no cursed illusion; I had crossed him many times in the past, and he was known just as much for his scathing insults as he was for his great tenacity in battle. We fought again, and though I emerged victorious, my victory was short-lived. As I went in for the final blow, he sneered at me, offered some final remark about the quality of my fighting, then vanished before me in a puff of black magic.




With the mystic dead, my journey was again at a dead end. I sat down on the side of the road to think, and it soon dawned upon me that an old friend of mine was living in a nearby town. Jimerax was once a fellow knight, a veteran of many battles and reliable comrade, but he eventually grew tired of battle and had left with his wife to live a life of peace across the sea. It was just a short trip to town, and I made my way eagerly to his house, only to be greeted with a locked door. Nearby I found a small note- “Lolo and I out on an adventure”- affixed firmly to the wall with a small black flag.




Before I could so much as curse my bad luck, riotous yelling rang out from nearby. I strained to hear what the commotion was about, but couldn’t make out anything specific. As I listened, the sound grew louder, and it became very clear that whatever pandemonium was occurring was heading my way.




Let me take a brief aside to explain the politics of this land, as they become very relevant in my story. From my occasional correspondence with Jimerax, I had learned that House Sharpnel was a powerful and influential family that ruled large tracts of land in this region, but a series of unpopular new taxes meant they had recently fallen heavily out of favor among the masses. In response House Sharpnel had attempted to impose martial law to ensure the collection of their tax money, only to be met with an organized resistance from a group of local fighters calling themselves the BMS Corps. Accordingly, it was no surprise to me when the crowd came around the corner and I saw eleven men wearing the armor of House Sharpnel fleeing, pursued by a large mob of locals.




As the mob rumbled past by my hiding place on the side of the road and the dust settled, I poked my head out to see the aftermath. Immediately my heart skipped a beat- walking calmly toward me was the leader of the BMS Corps himself, Bmah Chang. Bmah was a near-mythical figure, known across the continents as a martial arts master. He had traveled the lands defeating all who would dare challenge his Shippuujinrai-school martial arts, and so great was his power that legends began to claim he could even control the rock under the ground itself. Though he had grown old, the legends of Bmah persisted, and I was keen to stay on his good side. I rose to my feet and bowed to him in respect, and he returned the bow and gestured to the mob that was fading into the distance, still in pursuit of the House Sharpnel lackeys.
“The party’s starting,” he smiled. “The BMS Corps stand for love and justice, while House Sharpnel, they are a new anachronism. I can't become the hero anymore thanks to my old age, but come the 13th, Friday, my men will usher in a halcyon era.” I nodded, not entirely sure what he was talking about.
“The BMS Corps have been sleeping a long time, but now, we strike back.”




“I wish you and your men good luck” I offered nervously, still unsure whether or not Bmah was going to kill me on the spot.
Instead he leaned in close to me and whispered, “It is our journey… and their epilogue.” Again I nodded, and he strode off confidently down the road.
Right then my ever-persistent curse kicked in again. In the corners of my blurred vision, I saw the ground in front of Jimerax’s house begin to shake and rise. It was as if the lawn was some terrible beast, waking to fight me. As the clumps of grass and soil joined into some kind of eldritch elemental, I attempted to dispel the vision, but a burst of energy interrupted my concentration halfway through.




I turned to see where the interruption came from, and was greeted with the sight of a katana glinting in the sun. It was my good friend, Luis the samurai.
“Luis!” I shouted, “You know my affliction. Please, help me battle this nightmare.”
Luis was unmoved. “I regret that I must do this to a trusted friend, but there are powers at work far greater than our friendship”
With the nightmare creature to one side and the menacing blade of a samurai on the other, I could think only one thought:
Had Luis… betrayed me?




Our story for tonight ends with my game breaking. To be continued.
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Old 03-20-2015, 04:56 AM   #2
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Default Re: grand fiffer adventure

reiterating again that you're such a massive dickwad my god

I'm only six scores in but this is getting stickied at least for a little bit holy fuck
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i want to be cucked by cirno
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Old 03-20-2015, 04:57 AM   #3
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god this site is just memes nowadays I swear
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:07 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hi19hi19 View Post
I arrived in short order at the supposed location of this Tenimuhou, but something about the ramshackle hut before me seemed off. Nevertheless, I opened the door, and to my horror I saw a man- ostensibly the mystic himself- lying in front of me, dead in a pool of his own blood. As I backed away slowly, a terrifying figure began to emerge from the shadows of the room- the dark warrior XelNya. This man was no cursed illusion; I had crossed him many times in the past, and he was known just as much for his scathing insults as he was for his great tenacity in battle. We fought again, and though I emerged victorious, my victory was short-lived. As I went in for the final blow, he sneered at me, offered some final remark about the quality of my fighting, then vanished before me in a puff of black magic.
This entire post is genius. But this part I just couldn't stop laughing at. Holy crap lol. This is one of the funniest posts ever.
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like your bad posts are a 20 year old bourbon that no one's going to open but the bottle is respected or some shit, and I really do not like bourbon

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Old 03-20-2015, 10:18 AM   #5
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Default Re: grand fiffer adventure

why is this post stickied
why are threads by a single player even considered sticky material

sick pandemonium
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I'm a dark giraffe in this maniera
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:25 AM   #6
hi19hi19
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Default Re: grand fiffer adventure

I think it's very temporarily stickied solely because it made OWA laugh a lot while simultaneously hating himself. And me.

Also Middie I am glad you enjoyed your character.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:35 AM   #7
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Default Re: grand fiffer adventure

nothing wrong with some memes to lighten the mood great job hi19hi19 especially on betrayal and milky blue
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:41 AM   #8
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Default Re: grand fiffer adventure

Wow how did you not lose your skill like I did.

Slick scores :')
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:43 AM   #9
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Default Re: grand fiffer adventure

Story was great Jesus fuck
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