Old 04-28-2005, 07:26 PM   #1
MalReynolds
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Default Sunday Drive

This is it. This is my final original work to go in here for a long time. It's going to be in installments, so be patient, but comment to let me know that you're reading it, otherwise it's not going to continue.


Sunday Drive



It was a pleasant Sunday afternoon, one of those lazy days of Spring where all you had to do was pick up groceries and then kick back in the Barcalounger. The leaves rustled in the trees, reborn after the cold grave of winter, and embraced the sun.
Aaron was driving. He was actually speeding a little, going forty in a thirty-five, but nothing that he would get pulled over for. His white car cut through the ozone heavy environment as he sat inside of the metal womb, the air conditioner running evenly. The road was lined with trees, and the sun broke through where the foliage was not, creating warm beams on the road. It was driving through those beams that made Sunday drives with the air conditioner humming so pleasant. They warmed you, just a little, as the air conditioner cooled you.
Of course, running across those little patches of gratification was not the reason Aaron was out today, but it made him glad that he had left the house. Being cooped up all the time wasn’t something anyone enjoyed, but actually having a reason to go out was the real joy for Aaron. He had a purpose today.
The car slowed down slightly as he began to go around a curve, hitting another slice of radiance. He closed his eyes, and did what so many contemporary poets call “basking”.
There was a field. It was filled with yellow flowers… Maybe daisies? Aaron didn’t know, and he didn’t care much. The brilliance of the light reflecting off of them made him wince, but he managed to smile.
The truck coming around the bend honked once. The car didn’t move. If it failed to take evasive action, this accident would be quite messy. The driver of the truck didn’t see it as a problem, considering this was his lane. He honked again.
Aaron’s eyes snapped open. He took in his surroundings. Back inside of his car. Still going around the curve. Something wasn’t sitting right, though.
The truck driver began to honk frantically.
“Oh, that’s it. I’m in the wrong lane!” Aaron thought, bemused. Slowly, he moved back into his lane, the truck missing him by inches. Close call.
“Where was I? Oh, right… The flowers,” he said aloud, and shut his eyes again.

While Aaron continued to daydream in his piece of shit, non-descript car, Jordan bled.

Eric was aware that Jordan was in trouble, but Eric had no idea how much trouble Jordan was in. Jordan was going to die, Eric was fairly certain of that. Eric had been fairly certain of a few other things, as well. Sometimes, just sometimes, when you’re Eric, things that are for certain aren’t.
Eric knew this. Of course, it didn’t change his mind that Jordan was going to die. Statistics were favoring the death of Jordan, and Eric was always someone that took percentages over instinct.
Right now, though, the only thing on Eric’s mind was getting the hell out of dodge before the police began their sweep. He heard the dull thwack of the helicopters above him, but he didn’t look up. If he couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see him.
Right?

Jordan slowly opened his eyes, only to see nothing. He yawned. He tried to move his arms, but there was something pressing on them. The fetal position… Familiarity. His back was in agony. So was his head, and there was something warm running through is eyes.
“Have I been crying? No… No, I don’t cry.”
In the darkness, Jordan rolled onto his back, bringing his knees up to his chest. His head lit up like a flare, and wincing, he reached out. Wherever he was, it was fuzzy. There was nothing to get a grip on, just the fuzzy walls.
He began to laugh… Maybe a monster had swallowed him.

There was a crime scene, but not much of one. Two dead, all the witnesses said the same thing.
“Two guys rushed in here with guns, and they took all the money and I don’t know what else.”
The reports from that point on varied.
“The off duty cop pulled his piece out and the shot him!”
“They shot that cop and he wasn’t even doin’ nothin’!”
“The clerk was givin’ em’ shit and they just shot his face off.”
“Man, I don’t know why they shot the clerk, but they shot him in the face, man.”
At least they were clear that the clerk had been shot in the face.
This didn’t really help Detective John Tessford. He had two perps, ranging from five seven to six three, dressed all in black with ski masks on. Well, that was a start.
Tessford walked out to the parking lot. There weren’t any skids on the ground, and none of the witnesses mentioned a getaway car. They had to be on foot. John walked to the edge of the lot, where a soccer-field had been carefully laid two years ago.
There was dew on the grass, Spring dew. Perfect. There was a set of prints heading off into the direction of the woods. Tessford scratched his head… He walked to the woods, where the prints stopped.
“Godammit, they could be anywhere,” John said under his breath as he switched on his radio. “We’re gonna need some copters. One of em’ took off into the woods. If at all possible, I need a canine unit”

Eric wasn’t in the woods anymore. He was crouched in the underbrush beside the road, waiting. He could wait all day, Scout’s Honor. Of course, those weren’t his intentions. All Eric was thinking about was the right time to hitch a ride, whether the driver wanted him as a passenger or not.

Aaron began to apply pressure on his brakes as he approached the stoplight. Much to his pleasant surprise, the stoplight was parked under a sun-beam. There were no cars behind him, or coming down the road. He could bask here until traffic came. “Today,” he thought, “Has been the best day ever.”

Eric heard the dogs. Eric didn’t like dogs. However, the car parked under the light seemed like a Godsend. The driver had been at the light for five cycles, and it didn’t look like he had any intention of going. Well, under the proper motivation, he would go. But the car, that was a bonafide miracle. “Maybe today isn’t such a massive fuck up after all,” Eric thought, before darting out of the brush.

Perspiration. North, East, South, West. North was at his head, South was at his feet, East on his right and West on his left. Jordan knew they weren’t really the cardinal directions as dictated by a compass, but it kept his mind occupied for the time being. Especially considering he had just been pulled towards the West Wall.
And it wasn’t until after the dull roar had ceased that Jordan noticed that there had in face been white noise, machine noise, radio noise, he didn’t know, but he knew it had been there. And it wasn’t anymore.
But Jordan was about three inches closer to the West Wall than he was before. Maybe… Magnets?
“Magnets? Hell no. I don’t have metal in me, and I sure as hell ain’t no magnet to no fuzzy wall. Am I?”
In Jordan’s mind, though, anything was possible. Maybe it was aliens. Maybe they came up and took him and put him in a box, and just maybe, he was forcefully attracted to that strange alien fuzz.
Maybe, but Jordan didn’t think so.


---

Mal
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Old 04-29-2005, 11:21 AM   #2
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Default RE: Sunday Drive

I'm not sure where this is going yet... hopefully somewhere good!
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Old 04-29-2005, 09:31 PM   #3
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Default RE: Sunday Drive

Good start to a story, Mal. I liked the way you introduced the new characters (Jordan and then Eric), although it was a little confusing as of where or who Eric was at first. I guess it depends on what you plan to write later to determine wheter it works or not. I also liked the ending of the chapter for some reason ("Maybe, but Jordan didn't think so").

I was half a sleep when I read this, so I might have missed a few things, but to me it was overall a little too confusing. Again, it does depend on what you write later, though. Also, I'm not sure if the description "metal womb" really fits the tone your going after in the begining.

Anyway, overall, a nice start, and I'd like to see where you go with this. It's a quite different style from the other writings of yours I've read, but I think it could still turn out just as good, if not better.
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Old 04-29-2005, 09:47 PM   #4
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Ooh..!!

I want to see this story continued!
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ודואג ודואג נורא
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Old 04-29-2005, 09:54 PM   #5
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I get the feeling that Aaron does not belong on roads.
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Old 04-29-2005, 10:24 PM   #6
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i think aaron is a pot head

either taht or a uber hippie!

Mal i think that was a good story, but it could use some fine tuning. I want to hear more!
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Old 05-1-2005, 06:39 AM   #7
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If posted will read.
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Old 06-5-2005, 01:52 PM   #8
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interesting. now i'm inspired to post on of my stories.
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Old 06-5-2005, 02:15 PM   #9
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O thank God you've come back, even if it's just for one more story. I truly hope you feel compelled to complete your orignal work for us.
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Old 06-5-2005, 04:30 PM   #10
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wow thats really really awesome. please post more.
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Old 06-14-2005, 06:34 PM   #11
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great beginning...many possibilties for a solution to resolve after the problems are finished resolving themselves...keep going!
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