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Old 03-15-2007, 10:40 PM   #21
Windscarredfaith
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Default Re: Bulimia

If I had a condition like bulimia, the last thing I would like is for tons of people to know that I have the disease. I would only like it to keep it within a certain group of friends who I can trust. This is especially true because if many other people knew, they do not know the exact situation, and they might tell me, "Go hurry up and eat." And then monitor if I go to the bathroom to purge. That's not something that would help me recover.
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Old 03-15-2007, 10:43 PM   #22
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Default Re: Bulimia

yea...that's true. :/ i mean back in high school my group of aquaintances...well we used to joke around about it. they'd be like omg don't tell me you're anorexic or bulimic...id be like what? no way...do i look like it? yea...but after my parents found out...i became more open with it...tho it's hard to deal with things when the ppl who are supposed to be there for you are the ones who tease you...but ive had worse problems to deal with
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Old 03-15-2007, 10:59 PM   #23
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Default Re: Bulimia

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnnyhoney0 View Post
This is really beside the point, but technically, since the definition of a disease is "any harmful, depraved, or morbid condition, as of the mind or society" (dictionary.com), bulimia nervosa is in fact a disease. It makes more sense to call it a disorder, that stands to reason. However, when referring to the condition, both "disorder" and "disease" are acceptable. As a matter of fact, Dr. Naessen refers to bulimia nervosa as a disease throughout her thesis.

Not making anything personal, just stating the facts.
Ha, I stand corrected. Sorry about that, I guess it just seemed weird to me that it be referred to as a disease.

I wish I could help more, but you clearly know what you're talking about, so any speculation I could give would be somewhat of an insult to the advice and deeper thoughts those of you who have personal experience would have.

The closest I come is that I have one of those really fast metabolisms, so I am skinny like a stick. I've been accused of being anorexic or bulimic before, which was really upsetting, because I'm not like that at all. It's a pain to have to go out of my way to eat a lot in front of people sometimes just so that no one would jump to conclusions from seeing my body type. :/

Sorry that's not really helpful, but I guess it's nice to have a little related anecdote.
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Old 03-15-2007, 11:22 PM   #24
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Default Re: Bulimia

i call it a a disorder and not a disease...cuz it's a mental illness. and calling it a disease makes it sound more icky
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Old 03-15-2007, 11:56 PM   #25
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Default Re: Bulimia

Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
and tho you can't be a cureall...who knows you may be the one to help her thru all of this.
I hope so. Most of her family believes that I will be, which is very encouraging, to say the least. As for my parents, they just tell me that what I'm doing is honorable and that I need to not quit.

My girlfriend tells me all the time about how it's going to be hard for me, and I always tell her "it would be harder trying to leave you now", and I really believe that. The point is, I'm not going anywhere, and she knows that. Thankfully, that's comforting for her, and I'd like to think it is having some effect as far as how she views herself. Maybe if I can show her how much she means to me and everyone else, she'll start to see it for herself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Windscarredfaith
If I had a condition like bulimia, the last thing I would like is for tons of people to know that I have the disease. I would only like it to keep it within a certain group of friends who I can trust.
I agree. I definitely would not want everyone to know I had an eating disorder. But the most important thing is for the people who can do something about it to know. I feel privileged that she told me, even though I was beginning to realize it on my own. It's different when you feel safe enough to tell someone something like that.

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Originally Posted by jamuko
(Apology)
No worries, mate. I know you were just trying to help.

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Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
and calling it a disease makes it sound more icky
LOL, you're right. But you know I tend to look at that word strictly by its definition, so I never really have a problem referring to bulimia as a disease. She actually refers to it as a disease too, so there's another person in my corner.
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Old 03-16-2007, 12:13 AM   #26
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Default Re: Bulimia

I'm glad her family believes in you as well. Just make sure not to take too much upon yourself.

and when i think 'disease' i think...bacteria, something spreading from one person to another, infection. but in a way it is...and it does spread :/ and that's just sad
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:16 AM   #27
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Default Re: Bulimia

Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesMalvis View Post
i call it a a disorder and not a disease...cuz it's a mental illness. and calling it a disease makes it sound more icky
But it is a disease. The chemical make up in your is altered. It becomes compulsive and is quite literally, out of your control.

If your girlfriend has bulimia, she needs to get professional help. Have her go see a psychologist, or at least alert her parents about her condition.
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:33 AM   #28
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Default Re: Bulimia

i think i kno...i mean im actually dealing with it
and i take it her parents already kno...
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:40 AM   #29
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Default Re: Bulimia

I personally know about damaging compulsions. Though I've never dealt with bulimia personally, or anything NEARLY so serious, I have small problems like every time I get a zit I just HAVE to pop it, even though I know it makes it worse.... and I hate that I did it, after, and I realize it doesn't help anything at all, I just feel like I have to do it. It's a habit and it's really hard to break. It makes me feel ugly and terrible about myself. It makes my face full of scars and pits and scabs and blood but I keep doing it anyway. It probably even makes more zits form.... which is bad enough in itself.

Something to think about: I don't know if this is "normal" or what, but I have NEVER once been able to leave a zit alone. Sometimes I would resist for a day or two, but eventually they always get popped or scraped off. And I have a tad bit of an acne problem - there's always a few noticable blemishes on my face, mostly my forehead. Right now hmmmm I am not going to count in the mirror, but at least 10 on my forehead, one on the side of my nose, and a few on my jawline. It comes and goes, but because of my compulsion, no matter if I am growing zits at the moment or not, I've always got blemishes on my face because once I've picked off a zit, it makes a scab, I pick the scab it makes a bigger one, etc... hard cycle to break.

I managed to stop biting my fingernails after years and years and YEARS of doing it. I don't really know how I did it - I just went cold turkey. It was a very strong compulsion - when I was bored I'd pick my nails. I almost think that I was able to stop picking and biting my nails because I diverted my "pickiness" attention to something else - now I'll pick at my face, and when I am at home I'll pick my toenails, but never my fingernails. I can't tell if I've progressed or simply rerouted the compulsion.

These things are extremely, extremely hard to break. I feel for you and your girlfriend, though I can't offer much help. All I can say is, it requires strength of mind. It might just be a matter of time. She needs to either a) Change her method of thinking about problems, or b) Become so disgusted with this habit that she stops.

Both are unlikely to happen easily or anytime soon. Therapy can help, but she requires at least SOME strength of mind for it to work at all. Therapy won't work on someone who isn't willing to change.
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Old 03-16-2007, 11:57 AM   #30
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Default Re: Bulimia

Quote:
Originally Posted by jewpinthethird
If your girlfriend has bulimia, she needs to get professional help. Have her go see a psychologist, or at least alert her parents about her condition.
She is already seeing two psychologists, a psychiatrist, and her regular family doctor. She also goes in for bloodwork about once a month or so, though recently she has been going once a week, which is actually quite bothersome for me, considering the implications that might make. Her parents and my parents also already know about her condition.

I mean, who else should we inform that needs to be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrissi
(Zits, etc...)
I understand the compulsion. I myself have had a few bad habits in the past. Fortunately, though, they never really progressed to the point that I wasn't able to stop. That's the thing, she feels like it's out of her ability to simply go "cold turkey" as you said. I tend to agree with that, considering how deep-rooted this is for her. It's been going on for two or three years now. I would never try to force to her to do that anyway; that would probably kill her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrissi
I can't tell if I've progressed or simply rerouted the compulsion.
It's hard to tell. That goes along with something I've been trying to figure out myself. I'm thinking that if I can keep her occupied enough, she won't go through another binge/purge cycle. That's a bit of the reason why her parents want me to stay so badly, they feel like I'm such a good influence that I'll bring her out of it. Although that is comforting to hear, it's unlikely.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrissi
She needs to either a) Change her method of thinking about problems, or b) Become so disgusted with this habit that she stops.
Well, I agree. But here's the problem:

A) She knows that she needs to, and she tries. Sometimes, she does. The compulsion is so great, though, that it overcomes more rational thinking a lot of the time.

B) She is disgusted with it. She hates herself for doing it, she tells me that all the time. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as realizing "Wow, I'm killing myself. I better quit ASAP" and then quitting. The thought process that runs through her mind is more along the lines of:

"Wow, I'm killing myself. I better quit ASAP. You need food. But I know what it's going to do to me... No, really, you need it. This is not what I need right now. You're going to feel so much better after it's all over, just do it. You know you're right, I do always feel so much better when it's all over. So what's the big deal anyway? I can't afford to let everyone down, I need to try to swim to shore, not tread water 500 feet out. They'll understand, they always do. But that's not right, I can't take advantage of that. You're stressing a lot over this aren't you? Yes...too much. Why don't you just get a little oatmeal? Maybe a few donut holes. Maybe a box of cereal. You know, just a little comfort food. That sounds so good, and you know, you're right, I do feel so much better when this is all over. I think one more time won't hurt. (2 hours and $100 worth of food later) Wow, I look like I'm nine months pregnant. I can't believe I ate all that! Now you're going to gain thirty pounds, you pig. Oh my gosh, I can't gain weight! That will just make everything worse! I need to get rid of this! (45 minutes later, after one long shower) Wow, that's much better. I feel great now. Thank goodness that's over."

Then she'll go about a day or so before it happens again. The exact same thought process occurs over and over, nearly every day. It really is a battle with her own mind that she, unfortunately, loses day after day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrissi
Therapy won't work on someone who isn't willing to change.
I agree, but in fact, therapy does not always work on those who are willing to change. She has been going to therapy for about a year now, and she seems to only get worse with time, which is why I have hope now in Dr. Naessen's new research. She tackles it from a physiological standpoint, and I believe she has stumbled upon a truly remarkable piece of information.

I appreciate your input, Chrissi. I hope you can re-route that compulsion into something constructive, just like I hope my girlfriend can. Until then, I guess we can just be there for each other as much as possible.
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ppl like you do make things so much easier
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you clearly know what you're talking about
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Old 03-16-2007, 01:43 PM   #31
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Default Re: Bulimia

yea...no one else needs to kno, unless she feels like telling someone. one thing tho, i don't kno if she's tried is going to those online help forums. i kno lots of online things can seem sketchy, but that kind of thing can help in ways that other things can't. i've used online support to help with a certain problem i've had...it's that being able to confide in ppl that have the same condition...that kno what you're going thru, it's just comforting. esp since most ppl don't kno too many ppl that live around them with the same condition :/ one site i used for my ed help actually changed it's location...and then the site kinda changed so it's not the same anymore. i think basically what im trying to say is that her having ppl to talk to that can understand her point of view can be one of the more helpful things as well
i mean when you're dealing with a problem you don't need someone telling you that you're stupid and disgusting...you need someone to tell you that they understand, and that things can get better...
just reasure her everytime she's feeling down...make sure she always remembers things can get better, even if it takes time. and just try to notice if there's certain things that trigger her. like one for me if someone says they haven't eaten in a long time...even if it's cuz they're sick...it makes me feel extra horrible for any food i've eaten :[ oh and i was wondering, the weight and appearance of others...how bad does it affect her?
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Old 03-16-2007, 01:58 PM   #32
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Default Re: Bulimia

Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
it's that being able to confide in ppl that have the same condition...that kno what you're going thru, it's just comforting.
Yes, that can potentially be a huge help. I don't know for sure right now if she goes to any kind of group therapy.

She and her parents, and now I am semi-involved in the discussion, too, have been debating sending her to a residential therapy program, such as the Castlewood Center. The main problem with that is it's extremely expensive. I browsed through some other treatment facilities on the internet and found that the average cost per day of such a program is $1000. Multiply that by the basic 35-day program, and you're looking at a second mortgage.

Fortunately, her parents have enough equity in their home to pull out and use to send her to that if they decide to. I relaxed a little bit when her mother was explaining it to me...until she said it might not matter anyway. The failure rate of those programs? 85 PERCENT.

I still think it's worth one shot, though. Because 15% is better than zero.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
the weight and appearance of others...how bad does it affect her?
That's a good question. She does seem to feel envious of anyone who loses any amount of weight, whether they needed to or not. On her MySpace profile she has a picture of Nicole Richie at possibly her worst stage with a caption at the bottom that says, "she is my idol." Makes me want to cry, really.

So, in a more brief answer, I would say it affects her enough to get serious about losing weight.
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:05 PM   #33
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Default Re: Bulimia

o that's cool, i kno that residential treatment facilities can work wonders...if the person goes there willingly of course. :/ one thing i don't like about that option is that it's not personal...well i mean individual, like one on one with a psychologist...
and that's terribly sad about her 'idol'...i hope she's not one of the ppl that believes there's no such thing as too thin :[ some of the thinspiration i've had were kate moss, keira knightley, and mary kate...
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:15 PM   #34
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Default Re: Bulimia

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Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
one thing i don't like about that option is that it's not personal...well i mean individual, like one on one with a psychologist...
"Castlewood's homelike setting is comfortable and intimate, allowing for personalized care and highly individualized treatment planning." (From Castlewood's Treatment Philosophy page.)

I would hope that all institutions place a huge emphasis on individual attention. That is possibly the most important factor in any treatment program: making sure the individual is given the greatest amount of attention. If they didn't do that, patients would probably feel like those caring for them didn't actually care at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
i hope she's not one of the ppl that believes there's no such thing as too thin
I would say that is the mindset of many sufferers of both bulimia nervosa and anorexia nervosa. I can't convince her that she actually needs to gain weight. As far as her body weight is concerned, if she gained 10-15 pounds, she would be just fine. Of course, she is still malnourished, but I think if the former is taken care of, the latter should follow.
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:22 PM   #35
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o ok..i just skimmed the site so i only saw this part 'Most programs do not provide individual therapy during the stabilization and/or weight gain portion of treatment.'
the main thing is she has to find what works for her...the problem is there's so many options it can be difficult to do that.
for me when i was at my worse, i was in college...at yea ironically i was at le cordon bleu...which is culinary...so there's me little miss food is evil...surrounded by food all the time...but yea that's getting off the main topic here...
has she tried to set weight goals for herself and tried to keep a healthy weight in other ways like exercise? hmm...well that can actually be dangerous if her bmi is too low
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Old 03-16-2007, 02:40 PM   #36
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Default Re: Bulimia

Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
the problem is there's so many options it can be difficult to do that.
More difficult than most people think. As I've said, there is a psychological and a physiological side to bulimia nervosa. There are many different treatment approaches to both sides of the disease. On the one hand, you have CBT and group therapy, psychological evaluation, and psychiatric evaluation. On the other hand, you have physical medication, diet counseling and nutritionist appointments, and now new research on sex hormones.

So, you're right. There are many different options available, and the difficulty is in finding the right one. I showed Dr. Naessen's thesis to my girlfriend's mom and she was thrilled to know that someone is taking such a promising, albeit different, approach to the treatment of this disease. I don't know what they're planning to do, but I'm just waiting. Waiting for more to be uncovered by those Swedish folks out at the Karolinska Institutet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
has she tried to set weight goals for herself and tried to keep a healthy weight in other ways like exercise?
Yes, she has. Unfortunately those weight goals are not exactly "goals" in the way we think of the word. She is constantly trying to reach lower and lower body weight.

As far as exercise goes, let me first quote some common knowledge (at least, common among people who know about bulimia).

"Recurrent inappropriate compensatory behavior in order to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting; misuse of laxatives, diuretics or other medications; fasting; or excessive exercise." (From Wikipedia)

She exercises nearly every day. So, I am finding myself exercising nearly every day. But it's not just a thirty minute workout. It's a long, grueling, two-hour marathon that nearly kills me every time I go. We run on the treadmill, ride on the bicycle machine, use the Stairmaster machine, lift weights, do crunches, push-ups, barbells, dumbells, YOU NAME IT, WE DONE IT. I'm finding that I'm getting in shape, which is the only good thing I can pull out of this, except, of course, that I'm being there for her.
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Old 03-16-2007, 04:04 PM   #37
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yea i can understand how that can be, i used to write down my goal weights on a calender id draw in my notebook...it would get lower and lower
too much exercising can be a bad thing. there's ppl who just have to run 5 miles every morning, 7 if they ate at all that day as punishment...
you should try get her to do an exercise type thing that's more 'fun' than 'exercise'...like dance videos or something. it's just safer if she exercises in the house or some place like that instead of running all around or on workout equipment, cuz if her body becomes too tired she could get seriously hurt :/
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Old 03-16-2007, 04:13 PM   #38
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Default Re: Bulimia

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Originally Posted by AriesMalvis
...like dance videos or something.
Like Tae Bo and stuff? That's interesting. I'll run that by her later today or tomorrow.

Good news, she has agreed to start keeping a journal. It's like a food journal, where she writes down everything she eats, the time she eats it, and how she's feeling when she does. She's told me in the past how she can't stay committed to a journal enough for it to make a difference, but I told her she just hadn't had a drill sergeant standing behind her making her do it. That's what I'm here for!

I'm only mentioning that because she told me she would need my help to make sure she actually keeps the journal and stays committed to it. This means a lot to me because she knows I'm constantly trying to figure out ways to help/be supportive.

Also, she told me a little while ago that she thought it would probably be during the summer that we would start seeing improvement as far as treatment goes. I don't know if she and her parents worked out something or what's going on, but all I know is that's good for two reasons. The obvious one, and just the fact that she believes it's going to happen makes me more optimistic that it actually will.
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